By Jake Appleman

“Shit, you could drive a car with your feet if you want to. That don’t make it a good f*cking idea.” – Chris Rock, who was courtside for Knicks’ brutal loss to the Lakers.

Even though it was enjoyable, I’m going to ignore Jamal Crawford’s second half smoke and mirrors act and run the angry rant I wrote when the Lakers fully opened up a bottle of whup-ass by going up by 26 midway through the third quarter…

“Fire Isiah!” the fans chant, as if that will change anything. Sure, it’s a good place to start, but still… If you paid over a hundred mill for a motherf*cking GEO with 24 inch rims, a booming sound-system and a broken transmission, would you simply change mechanics? In a related story, MTV recently canceled Pimp My Ride. Seeing that he runs Cablevision and all, James Dolan might want to look into something similar.

When Trevor Ariza nailed an insult-to-injury 3 at the halftime buzzer that put the Lakers up 18, it was so horribly ironic, Steve Francis probably laughed, but only after calling his agent and accountant.

Where do you even start with the Knicks? It’s tempting to call Nate Robinson’s energy a bright spot, but the inexcusable missed layups make that impossible. Speaking of inexcusable, if anyone’s seen Renaldo Balkman, please have him report to the proper authorities. As Russ astutely noted at halftime, Zach Randolph doesn’t play defense and seems to be playing for his numbers. Eddy Curry now has a “property of Andrew Bynum” tattoo. Speaking of mechanics, the Jamal Crawford Oven was broken during the first half; apparently, he called someone and they had it fixed at halftime—the results were impressive and exciting, but still too little too late. This is sad because Crawford when he’s on is still a better “offensive set” than whatever incomprehensible mishmash it is that the Knicks run otherwise. Could they actually miss Stephon Marbury? Don’t sneer, this is very possible, though ultimately inconsequential as well.

The final play said it all. Needing a 3, Isiah had only two options (Nate and Crawford) on the floor. As for the diagramming of the play itself, let’s just say the following: Joseph Henry may have invented the telegraph, but today, Isiah Thomas and David Lee perfected it (which is sad for Lee, because, as expected, he put forth admirable effort in the second half).

As for Kobe, he did it all this afternoon. The daggers, contested 3’s with hands in his face, sick no look passes, textbook MJ fadeaways, dribble penetration and lock-down D didn’t go unnoticed.

It’s funny. The Garden faithful suffered through Kobe, depression and then mania. As such, it made for a somewhat psychotic Sunday Afternoon. Watching Kobe thrive through the cynical prism that is currently phagocytizing this Knicks team–and its fans and its media coverage (GUILTY!)–was like watching a butterfly flutter in the sunlight through the window of an insane asylum.