Cali Agents

by May 04, 2007
4

I’ll make this quick.

First, the G-State crowd. Is there any question right now that the Warriors have THE homecourt advantage of the playoffs? No, there is not. Sam said it reminds him of the Angels’ crowd when they won the World Series a few years ago, and as a lifelong (Brian Downing represent!) but extremely casual Angels fan who generally ignores baseball completely until if and when they make the playoffs, I would tend to agree.

But I’d also point out that these Warriors probably have the best NBA arena atmosphere since the Sacramento Kings of the Webber-Bibby-Peja era… which indirectly reminded me that Raiders probably have the most intense crowd in the NFL… which got me thinking that we Californians aren’t nearly as uncommitted sports fans as we’re often painted to be. As a SoCal native who never surfed, doesn’t particularly like the beach and hasn’t actually lived in the state since I was 13, I may not be the most likely person to be bigging up my left coast brethren. But f*ck it. Respect is due.

Well, except to that whore Kate Hudson, who I’m pretty sure is still married to the guy from the Black Crowes but is going to Warriors games with her new f*ck-buddy Owen Wilson, who’s from Dallas but rooting like crazy for Golden State. She’s kinda hot, and I like a lot of his movies, but both of these people just seem to be missing the decency gene, don’t they?

Anyway.

Regarding all the talk about how this is probably the biggest upset in playoff history, which seems to mean it’s replacing the Nuggets’ upset of the Sonics in ’94 in that unneviable top spot. This can only mean one thing: Dirk Nowitzki is Shawn Kemp. Think about it: Enigmatic, versatile, crazy-talented forwards who can’t win the big one. It’s so obvious, isn’t it? I guess it’s just a matter of time before Dirk picks up a raging coke habit, gains 80 pounds and fathers 19 children with 14 women. Enjoy that, Dirk.

Last thing, how’s this for a scenario: San Antonio and Phoenix wear each other out over seven exhausting games. Utah wins a close Game 7 in Houston and, with Boozer dominating, Kirilenko finally getting his groove back and Deron Williams getting better with each playoff game under his belt, grinds out a six-game win over a Warriors team that suddenly doesn’t have the crazy underdog status to feed off of.

Then, taking advantage of whichever weary team survives the other conference semifinal, the Jazz make the Finals.

And face Detroit.

In the lowest rated NBA Finals ever.

I’m not saying it will happen, or even that it’s likely to. But it could. And if it does, SLAM will go out of business. You’ve been warned. Good day.