by Omar Mazariego

All bullsh*t aside, I have to say it: “The Dark Knight” is a true classic. If this movie had any flaws it laid with Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhaal). It had nothing to do with her acting, she did her, but come on, they couldn’t cast someone attractive? Did it have to be all about the acting? We’ll get to that later.

As you all well know, this was Heath Ledger’s much anticipated role as the iconic Joker. The hype around his performance and the praise it’s garnered thus far was well deserved.

In “The Dark Knight,” Gotham City is still dealing with its mob problem. The many bosses are still giving the DA’s office and their white knight, Harvey Dent, a tough time putting them in jail. Meanwhile they only fear Batman but don’t know how to shake him off their asses. Enter the Joker, a homicidal freak who wants nothing more than to burn down the city and break down the spirits of its residents.

At first Batman shrugs him off as nothing more than a one-man nut case. But when the mob hires the Joker to eliminate Bats, things start to get serious and Gotham becomes a sitting target for two masked men who are lost in their makeup.

Trying to get Batman to reveal his true identity, the Joker threatens to murder a high ranking official a day until Batman turns himself in and blows up his own spot. Naturally the citizens start calling for Batman to comply after Joker knocks off a few big boys. (A prime example of how we build our heroes up only to tear them down.)

Meanwhile Harvey Dent is fighting the good fight and is trying to bring calm to the city. At the same time he’s cupcaking it up with Rachel Dawes. Bruce Wayne sees what’s going on and contemplates giving up the crime fighting life just to be with her. Son, I wouldn’t give up spitting to be with her, much less an exciting life of fighting crime. She’s not even a butterface cause her frame wasn’t poppin’ either. She’s more like a butter everything. She looked old enough to have been Alfred’s shorty, not Bruce or Harvey. I mean, I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but you have to remember, in the land of the blind the man with one eye is king. Youknowwhatimsaying!

My man Bruce has to put off retirement until he can bag the Joker. That proves to be no easy task, but it sure as hell was an exciting one. From the bank heist at the beginning of the flick to the hostages on the boats in the end, Joker proved to be next level psychotic. A true criminal mastermind that’s two or three steps ahead of his competition. His laugh was a murda maniacal one and his sense of humor was sick.

Dark Knight, hands down, 5 Gangsters.

This is the best movie I’ve seen in years. You know a movie is great when you forget it’s fiction. When you forget that you’re watching actors live out a written script. That’s what this movie did. I forgot about all my problems and was living in Gotham City for two and a half hours. The flick was so well written that it was like poetry on the silver screen. The twists in the plot and the action was phenomenal. The dark humor was great. The gadgets that Batman was rocking was off the hook. And the acting was impeccable. Heath Ledger’s Joker was so brilliant that I really felt he made Jack Nicholson’s version seem like something out of a Disney Channel movie. Christian Bale is the best Bruce Wayne since Adam West (that’s the OG right there). George Clooney was by far the worst. And Aaron Eckhart’s performance as Two-Face was fantastic. It will be lost behind Ledger’s Joker, but for the record, O knows that he killed it as Two-Face.

If this movie doesn’t win at least one Oscar (dead or alive, Heath really does deserve this one), then me and Kha gonna burn down a few Starbucks.