By Sam Rubenstein

Okay, we’ve got plenty of basketball stuff coming this week. I’m going to the Nets-Bobcats game tomorrow night, which takes place across the parking lot from the building where my beloved piece of garbage football team plays. We will have you covered on all basketball fronts this week.

Over Thanksgiving, I was so far removed from watching the NBA, it was like I was trapped in some freakish SAWlike horror movie and I couldn’t escape the chamber of torture. I was up at my girlfriend’s family’s house in Connecticut. In my experience the most hardcore basketball fanbase is… UCONN women’s. It’s a cult. And it carries over to the Men’s team too. I said something unflattering about Charlie Villanueva and a 75 year old woman gave me the death stare. That was the extent of my basketball experience over the break.
One night I tried to change the channel to the Nets-Suns game and three people jumped on my hand and nearly broke it into 15 pieces yanking the remote away from me. When I finally got home on Saturday, I had lots of catching up to do. Is this Ben Wallace-Scott Skiles thing for real? Is this some kind of new November Fool’s Day prank? I’m confused. Headbandgate?

I spent most of my vacation in an allergy pill induced daze. And it wasn’t even Nyquil or Robotussin or Benadryl, Claritin or whatever. Target brand. Sure, it’s supposedly the same thing, but at a cheaper price. Don’t give me that nonsense. I needed serious relief and the kid I sent out to the store was trying to save money. I never paid him back and I never will. Save that. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve spent too much of my life in urban areas. Whenever I find myself in the presence of mother nature, the allergies kill me. I think I might be allergic to clean air. This is very very bad. If I ever go fishing, I’m going to explode.
The food was delicious as always. Last year I got lost driving up there and the food was half gone when I showed up. This year I was the first guest to arrive, a minor miracle because I was up unti 3 AM after a rap show the night before. Got there, ate every damn shrimp in the house. My ears were still ringing from the rap show, and that helped me to block out people trying to talk to me whilst I ate.

On Thursday night we rented Nacho Libre. Wow that movie used every single one of its funny moments in the commercials. If I wasn’t having a reverse reaction from the Turkey, wine, sleeplessness, and allergy medicine, I would have fallen into a 7 year coma. For some reason I was weirdly wired and awake. It made no sense. The best part of the movie was the trip to Blockbuster to get it.

Me, my girlfriend, and her 21 year-old sister piled into a minivan to go to Blockbuster. I reflexively yelled out “BAALLLLLIIINNNGGGGG!!!!” cause like I said, I was in a minivan going to Blockbuster. My girlfriend’s sister turned to my girlfriend and said “I think Sam wants to go bowling.” Ah… you really had to be there.

Friday I partook in the American tragedy that is Black Friday: when everybody goes to the mall at the same time. It actually wasn’t that bad. Lots of people to point and laugh at. We ended up at Target, making what I wrote 15 seconds ago extremely hypocritical. In my defense, Target in the suburbs is vastly different from the one in Brooklyn. Vastly. I wandered over to the apple store, which was lurng people in with a one day only sale lie. I bought one of those little ipod shuffles for $80. I needed it, cause I was sharing a room with the worst snorer that has ever breathed. Not joking. It was like listening to a pig being slaughtered underneath a 747 with both engines running, and then shoving that squealing pig into one of the engines and then mowing the lawn and throwing the lawnmower into the jet engines too. I needed that ipod to block out the noise. So I listened to Kingdom Come over and over at full blast. It’s growing on me. But not that song with Beyonce. I guess that’s going to be the next single though. Hopefully not.

Friday night I saw the new Bond movie. Loved it. James is a ruthless killer with no “feelings.” My kind of guy. Except for the extended love story part of the movie. Even my girlfriend thought that was corny. She was also disgusted that James was driving a Ford at the beginning of the movie. I was still buzzing from the Spiderman 3 and Rocky VI previews.

I was back home Saturday night. By Sunday morning the papers were hyping up Steph and Isiah having a war of the wills. We’re back.