Basketball is played on both ends of the court, but Rack Parkins is really just concerned with one—defense, and only defense. This guy is a straight-up defensive force, hounding opponents into coughing up turnovers and launching dumb shots, but he’s not too useful when his team has the rock, as he often struggles to contribute in even the smallest ways on the offensive end. He’ll probably need a new pair of sneakers soon, but copping new kicks because his sneaks are constantly worn out is a routine part of The Ball Hawk’s life.

Previously:
Kevin “The Big Dog” Durant
Anton “The Spark Plug” Barrels
Spooner “The Trash-Talker” Dee
Jade “The Over-Dribbler” Yorker
Darrell “The Motivator” Belts