by Marcel Mutoni

Put it this way: LeBron James could probably fit everything that I own in the closet of his new home. That’s how big the place is going to be. According to published reports, his new crib in Bath Township features a recording studio, a two-lane bowling alley, a casino, a movie theater, a sports bar, an aquarium and a barbershop.

No word on whether or not Damon Jones is going to be working at the bowling alley, casino, movie theater, sports bar, aquarium or barbershop.

My favorite feature of the house – to be completed in the summer of 2008 – is the two-story walk-in closet. Can you imagine yourself owning so much clothing that you need a two-story closet? Is he going to be housing illegal aliens in there? Should Lou Dobbs be alerted? I’m full of questions here.

LeBron’s new home will encompass 35,440 square feet, making it approximately three times bigger than township’s current biggest house. Size, after all, does matter.

In other LeBron news: he’s going to be co-hosting this year’s ESPY awards with Jimmy Kimmel. Since I’ve never watched the show, I have no opinion on it, but I am worried about LeBron’s ability to tell a good joke. To be honest, I don’t think he’s got the personality for it, but I guess that’s why Jimmy is there.