by Marcel Mutoni

Prepare yourselves for two more years of lethargic post moves (seriously, I’ve seen old people eat faster); the distinct possibility of fouling out every single night; and enormous chunks of the fourth quarter spent firmly planted on the bench with a glazed look in his eyes.

Yup, you guessed it, Shaquille O’Neal will play out the remainder of his contract with the Miami Heat.

In an interview Thursday, ESPN Radio’s Jack Ramsay told O’Neal, “I don’t hear retirement in your voice.”

Responded O’Neal: “No, never that. I am the son of an army drill sergeant, and when we enlist, we go full term. So I’ve got two years left on my term and after that, I’ll be looking to do other things.”

“I’ve also got this nasty divorce taking place; you might have gotten wind of it.”

“While we’re on the subject of finances, do you have any idea how much I spend each month? It’s a considerable amount, compadre”, Shaq did not necessarily add.