Monday, June 25th, 2007 at 5:16 pm  |  70 responses

Caption This

My word: Never again will I accuse NBA players with bad tatts of having “prison ink.”

You might not know it from looking at him, but apparently this guy is not a nice guy. I’ll let you read the story yourself, but allow me to sum up the pertinent details in three words: “Skinhead cop-killer.” Or, in one word: “Classy.”


I will now open this up to a caption contest, though I dare anyone to top my own entries:

1. “He didn’t do his lips or his pupils? What a p*ssy.”

2. “And you thought Chris Anderson had bad tattoos.”

As a parent, I can’t help thinking that this guy is somebody’s son, and just how sad that is. But you know what? I’m guessing his parents probably weren’t real good parents, either.

Ok—now back to your mock drafts!

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  • http://www.mybleedingfingertips.blogspot.com/ Max Airington

    Maybe if he started taking Extenze he could get some more ink…

  • http://slamonline.com Lang Whitaker

    I also like how he hasn’t done his chin. And I hope they don’t have internet access in prison.

  • Nadav

    he’s even a skinhead…

  • Nadav

    sorry, NOT even a skinhead.
    im mezmorized by his eyes.

  • http://www.slamonline.com Ryan Jones

    Thankfully, Lang, it’s likely that the next time he leaves prison, he will do so without a pulse.

  • http://www.mybleedingfingertips.blogspot.com/ Max Airington

    “His next tattoo will be the mushroom he gets in the showers…”

  • http://www.slamonline.com Ryan Jones

    Also, Lang — and you can vouch for this since I think you’ve seen him in person — but doesn’t this dude look a lot like Man United striker Alan Smith?

  • http://www.slamonline.com Ben Collins

    He may be a skinhead, but he’s still whipped like a motherf’er. “Property of Jolene”? Aren’t they supposed to be free-wheeling. You know, “I’M NOT GOING TO JAIL FOR YOU OR ANYBODY.”

  • M.K. Petrik

    Somewhere in the backroom of Miami Ink, Yoji
    Harada is in complete awe over his magnum opus.

  • Brian

    That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all day. He’s supposed to be a skinhead, but he’s tanned like hell and he’s got tattoos all over.

  • Nadav

    love how all this happend in utah…

  • http://www.myspace.com/aydreeyun Esco


  • http://www.neworleansnation.blogspot.com Toney Blare

    I mean, if there’s one dude who shouldn’t consider becoming a fugitive, it’s probably the one with a thousand identifying marks ON HIS FACE.

  • andrew

    mate, can i borrow your membership card from the tattoo parlour?

  • chiqo

    that’s actually jason williams. on the extended picture you can see the whit eboy on his knuckles.

  • Aaron

    It looks like Eminem lost the bet..

  • not a hater

    you guys are hypocrites. as much a hater as he may or may not be. why you gotta hate on him cuz he’s got what you call ugly tattoos?

  • http://myspace.com/bodiebarnett jbn74sb

    “Did Cherokee Parks shave his head, or is that his sister?”

  • Kene

    …lol…jbn74sb’s gotta be in the lead with that one.

    ps:…is it just me or does anyone get the feeling that not all those tats were ‘voluntary’. I mean, ‘horebreed’ over your lips and F.U.N right below them?…in prison??…seems like someone else mighta picked out those tats and MADE him wear them. I’m jus’ saying.

  • Kene

    …also, jbn74sb…any chance you could pick an easier screenname to type out?

  • Dennard

    I 2nd what Lang said. Unbelievable…

  • http://www.nba.com Greased Up Deaf Guy aka Clay Davis

    i think youre on to something kene. i bet different cohabitants suggested he get certain tattos or he wouldnt be most comfortable

  • J.C.

    Look at the photo of him in the article you linked to. He looks like the guy from Little Britain!

  • Collin

    this is actually a teaser of mike tyson in two years. the things mike will do for money.

  • HI!

    that’s the last time i pass out at that fraternity house

  • http://slamonline.com Russ Bengtson

    It’s “hatebreed” over his lip. They’re a band. Hey, at least he has a nice, respectable haircut.

  • Joel O’s

    Haha he DOES look a lot like Alan Smith.

  • ForzaMilan

    They finally wrote down where the Allies made their plans for the D-day landings!!

  • Glenn

    You think he looks good now, check back in 40 years when gravity takes it’s toll.

  • John

    Ryan? Something looks differnt about you…

  • http://www.myspace.com/linkstigatorkevin Kevin Wilson

    When asked if shaving his head would help him fit more tattoos, he responded, “Me with a bald head? I’d look ridiculous.”

  • bootlace

    Michael Scoffield’s long lost brother.

  • http://www.myspace.com/linkstigatorkevin Kevin Wilson

    “Now, ma’am, the sketch artist needs to know … did the person who robbed you have any distinguishing features?”

  • Poona

    And now, we present to you the 3rd season of Prison Break… The 3rd Schofield/Burrows brother!!

  • Boing Dynasty

  • tike


  • Kene

    …lol…kevin wilson is killing it.

  • sush

    this should get me mad play with all the skinhead chicks

  • Wayne

    tat-tat-tatted up! Now I know why Fabo lost it at the end of the song. Son look like a pair of Jordan XX’s. I don’t know what’s worse his face or Nets Champs by 2001. Even RJ is laughing at this dude.

  • http://www.slamonline.com Ryan Jones

    UPDATE: According to a friend he called while he was on the lam, ya boy ink face says he’s “sorry” for killing that cop who was escorting him to his medical appointment. I guess if he tattooed “sorry” on that empty space on the top of his left ear, maybe I’d believe him.

  • Rod Strickland

    Wait, 82 inches? So he is like 6’8″? Maybe he could provide some interior defense for the Wizards…in a few years that is. He and Etan Thomas would get along super!

  • http://www.slamonline.com Ryan Jones

    I’m guessing the numbers on the right are the “inches,” Rod.

  • Rod Strickland

    I think you’re wrong Jones!

  • Yuri

    skinhead? more like inkhead

  • unknown

    i wonder if he tattooed his dick

  • Yuri

    the numbers on the right mean the number of tattoos he has.

  • Chris O

    I wonder if he ever gets tired of people just assuming he’ll join the aryans in prison?

  • H to the izzo

    Ryan:I think you mean Man UTD midfielder Alan Smith,and yes the resemblance is uncanny.Taking into account Alan’s reputation and family history they could be related

  • http://www.slamonline.com Ryan Jones

    Izzo: I thought I remembered Leeds using him up front (and maybe ManU occasionally?) but regardless, that’s definitely who I mean. I didn’t know he came from a family of skin heads, though. Enlighten me, please!

  • Drew

    It’s his ears that freak me out. That had to hurt.

  • H to the izzo

    He origanally played striker or attacking midfielder for Leeds(remember them?)and when he moved to UTD Fergie liked his intensity and moved him to Center midfield to try and be the next Roy Keane.Could you put more pressure on a new signing?Thats like trying to call a late second rounder the next Magic Johnson.Also on his reputation and history lets just say he and his family are real Leeds supporters and Leeds supporters aren’t the most likeable people(ie Murders in Turkey and Booing the minutes silence of George Best)He has been in a few incidents himself,but the Smith family stock is plentiful,I fear I may have saidtoo much already and don’t want to get stabbed.

  • http://slamonline.com Russ Bengtson

    When he finally awoke and looked in a mirror, Bob learned a valuable lesson: NEVER pass out at a Klan meeting.

  • http://www.slamonline.com Ryan Jones

    Yeah, there were rumors of Everton maybe going after him this season, and I’m REALLY glad they appear not to be true. But seriously, they kind of do look scarily alike:

  • H to the izzo

    Him going to Middlesborough is close to being a done deal,also Ryan I’m sure you’ll be glad to know that the biggest name link to be going to Goodison is Phil Jagielka with Arteta and Johnson possibly leaving so…enjoy next season

  • James

    Alan Smith was originally a striker at Leeds yes, and also at Man Utd. It was only after he broke his leg and Roy Keanes departure that they had the idea of using him in midfield. So you are both correct. Congratulations. Also, he said he isnt going to M’boro cos he wants european football.

  • James

    And now Bolton are favourites for Phil Jag. So Everton have an interesting summer of doing nothing. I say go and find Duncan Ferguson, bring that man back to Goodison!

  • http://www.slamonline.com Ryan Jones

    We’re not selling anyone, Izzo, but as James points out, we also haven’t brought anybody in, which seems like something we should do if we want this European excursion to last any longer than the last one. That said, I believe 37 different clubs are now “favorite” to sign Jagielka, so I’m not gonna lose sleep. We’ll get someone. I hope.
    PS James, my homies at bluekipper.com “reported” that Big Dunc was coming out of retirement as an April Fool’s gag. A lot of people bought it. Briefly, I was one of them.

  • James

    Haha! Thats a superb April Fools gag. I’d have probably fell for that too, had I heard it originally! Theres a lot of talk about David Nugent from Preston for £7m. Although apparently they might leave it until the later transfer window to get him a bit cheaper. That all I don’t think he would make a massive impact.

  • James

    *That all said

  • H to the izzo

    I’d be willing to fall for that now,you get the feeling that somewhere in the world right now Big Dunc is puncing someone for no reason.I heard another rumour today that Monaco want Arteta bad since they sold Yaya Toure to Barca

  • James

    Or headbutting them. Could be a possibility there Izzo, but why would Arteta want to leave a team in the UEFA cup next year and the potential for a Champions League place next year (if they beat out Tottenham, and if Arsenal demise is at hand without Henry) to go to a team in France that only came 9th last season? Except the weather of course….

  • James

    *champions league THE YEAR AFTER NEXT

  • H to the izzo

    James they also get taxed a lot less in Monaco because of the Principality thing.Also as long as Wenger is in charge they’ll be top 4 without problems.Liverpool might fall a bit next year,Benitez doesn’t seem to be trying too hard to sign anyone and the won’t repeat what they did next year(hopefully)

  • http://myspace.com/bodiebarnett jbn74sb

    Please stop talking about soccer. It was fun when I was 11, and then I grew up.

  • James

    Liverpool are getting Fernando Torres! He should be one hell of an improvement of Kuyt / Bellamy / Crouch. We shall see about Arsenal, one or two injuries and they could really suffer. Plus whos going to score for them now? Adebayor? Please. Although it looks like they are getting Obafemi Martins from Newcastle

  • James

    And sorry pal, I’ve never heard of soccer. We are talking about football. And no i wont stop talking about it. So piss off

  • James

    That was needless. I apologise. Im in a bad mood today. But I don’t tell people to stop talking about american football, baseball and hiphop / rap music which I all loathe. And theres a lot of people talking about those things on here.

  • H to the izzo

    James its soccer and I’m not American but it is soccer

  • Grant

    Lindsey Lohan in a couple more weeks?

  • EJ

    Oy you missed a spot!