An A+E ‘Facebook news-feed’ Production.
by Jake Appleman and Jon Evans
Pregame
– A tourist at North Station is amazed at the horde of Celtics fans waiting to enter the TD BankNorth Garden
– Yao Ming is crowded–what else is new?
– Doc Rivers is enjoying witty banter with a group of probing reporters
– Shane Battier is friends with His Podiatrist
– Von Wafer has joined the group “if I look like Chad Johnson, more people will know who I am”
– Tracy McGrady is enjoying not working consecutive nights
– Tracy McGrady has just joined the group “Arguably one of the best players in the NBA in 2002.”
– Steve Francis has just left the group “Arguably one of the best players in the NBA in 2002.”
– Patrick O’Bryant threw down a sick sideways windmill during the layup line
– Von Wafer is starting
– Kevin Garnett’s face is vibrating through the jumbotron
First quarter
– Ron Artest is hugging Paul Pierce playfully
– Doc Rivers is happy his team is showing patience, moving the ball better and getting open looks from beyond the arc
– Yao Ming is enjoying de-beasting Kendrick Perkins
– KG has drilled back-to-back turnarounds
– Kendrick Perkins feels like Skee-lo, he wishes he was a little bit taller…
– Von Wafer got humbled by the rim
– A Producer at ESPN just cut a highlight of Von Wafer getting stuffed by the rim
– Von Wafer atoned for his ghastly gaffe by drilling a three
– Paul Pierce loves squatting to guide the three through the net
– Rajon Rondo is feeling very ambitious but dunking over Yao isn’t going to happen
– Jon Evans is sitting in front of the self described “idiot on the cell phone behind the people with the laptops”
– Jake Appleman has joined the group “Aaron Brooks bandwagon”
– Paul Pierce has three threes; that’s tres treys…truth
– Rafer Alston bumped into Carl Landry after chasing Ray Allen through a screen cycle
– Charles Oakley just exploded after watching Leon Powe and Carl Landry battle under the boards
Second quarter
– Gabe Pruitt is in
– Gabe Pruitt nailed a jumper
– Lil’ Phunk is wiggigidy wiggidy wack
– Chuck Hayes was just rewarded for moving without the ball
– Aaron Brooks is splitting defenders with the quickness
– Chuck Hayes is cooling off Kevin Garnett
– Dikembe Mutumbo is still all about the ubuntu even though he didn’t sign with the Celtics
– Dikembe Mutombo and Danny Ainge have ended their relationship
– Kevin Garnett is living life 20 feet from the basket
– Ray Allen is so excited to sing the TV theme from Cheers off-key during timeouts
– Brian Scalabrine wishes people in the crowd would just let him play
– Rajon Rondo and Kendrick Perkins joined the group “Falling Back to Earth”
– Chuck Hayes got overzealous with an outlet pass
– Carl Landry provided excellent weak side help on a Ray Allen dribble drive
– Yao Ming’s touch is feathery like a peacock not featherly like a pigeon
Third quarter
– Ron Artest is carrying second quarter momentum into the third
– Rajon Rondo finally scored a field goal
– Jake Appleman is busy watching off the ball
– Aaron Brooks tossed a sweet wraparound pass to Ron Artest for two
– Glen Davis doesn’t know what’s up with Wade and Barkley, but he would’ve totally eaten the 
shrimp that Yao got them in that T-mobile commercial
– Jake Appleman think it’s BS that the Celtics jumbotron is equating street smarts with a show about a kid moving to Bel Air
– Will Smith is “Yao Ming, uncle Phil?”
Fourth quarter
– Brent Barry watches Bones for the dull, pseudo-intellectual witticisms of Lance Sweets
– Gabe Pruitt is balling; y’all see that three I just nailed from the corner?
– The lead singer of Blur is “it’s not my problem”
– Eddie House missed a three
– Jake Appleman misses Russ Bengtson
– Yao Ming will still fade away despite being a foot taller than Leon Powe
– Kevin Garnett is vibing to “In the Air Tonight”
– Lang Whitaker is listening to Phil Collins
– Aaron Brooks used a Yao screen to get open and nail a three, 81-79
– Paul Pierce is waving goodbye to Ron Artest… literally
– Jake Appleman is vibing to that Drop Kick Murphy’s song from The Departed
– Aaron Brooks doesn’t know why he thought he could float one in over a manically determined KG
– Gabe Pruitt is the Celtics leading scorer in the 4th quarter
– Kevin Garnett found Rajon Rondo open with a sick no-look feed
– Von Wafer just made 18,624 people sit down and shut up
– Jake Appleman has created the group Von Nilla Wafers
– Chris Berman doesn’t cover basketball
– Paul Pierce’s brilliant offensive night has gone for naught thanks to an offensive foul and a missed jumper
– Yao Ming has sealed it with put-back layup
Postgame
— Jake Appleman thinks the slippery black ice on the Boston streets is a pretty good metaphor for the Celtics right now
– Jon Evans can’t stand up straight
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