L.O.N. — Kobe 1, Rockets 1
Artestisms and head slaps.
Line Of The Night:
Kobe Bryant — 40 points, 6 boards, 3 assists, 1 steal
Last night’s game was a nightmare for Lakers-haters far and wide. Mr. Cryant balled out (wow… the “throw it off the board to myself” play?), made his annoying celebratory faces and obnoxiously told Shane Battier about it throughout the entire affair. He elbowed Ron Artest in the throat, only to have Artest get called for the foul and eventually get ejected. Then public enemy number two or three — Derek Fisher — committed a crazily dirty foul on Luis Scola. The only thing that could have made it worse for Anti-Laker Nation would have been Sasha Vujacic doing anything worthwhile on the court, and therefore getting more face time.
Lakers took this one down, but in our opinion, the Chuckster summed up the rest of this series best, when he asked, “Can Kobe do this 3 more times?” ‘Cause that might be what it takes.
Worst Of The Night:
Dwight Howard — 12 points, 12 boards, 1 assist, 0 blocks
That ain’t Superman, that ain’t Defensive Player Of The Year, that ain’t nothing. Maybe Underdog? Hancock? Handi-Man? Tiny Avenger? Head Detective? That last one definitely made no sense but a Head Detective reference cannot be denied. And Head Detective would’ve had at least 2 blocks.
Larry Bird Of The Night AKA Near Distribution Center Of The Night:
Rajon Rondo — 18 assists, 15 points, 11 boards, 2 assists
We tried to tell ya’ll on the last joint that Rondo woke up mid-way through last game. Ya’ll don’t even gotta go to summer school! Just pick up that L.O.N. double thread post. It’ll be all the wisdom you need.
Artestism Of The Night:
Ron Artest has been killing the post-game interviews in the Playoffs, and last night was no different:
“I remember when I used to play back home in the neighborhood, there was always games like that. I remember one time it was one of my friends he was playing basketball, they was running a game. It was so competitive they broke a piece of leg from a table and then threw it. It went right through his heart and he died, right on the court. So I’m accustomed to playing basketball really rough.”
Rough? You think? Were you playing with vampires, Ron? Was Buffy running point? Blade puttin’ up triple-doubles from the 3-spot? Count Chocula with a mean post-game?
Unexpected Double-Double Of The Night:
Carl Landry — 21 points, 10 boards
Nice, but not quite enough to make up for Yao only playing 26 minutes due to foul trouble. And why can’t Kenny Smith pronounce your name? Blame it on Ky-y-y-y-y-le Low-ow-ry (word to Jamie Foxx). He can’t help creating some kind of new amalgamation of Lowrandry every single time.
6th Man Of The Night:
Eddie House — 31 points, 4 boards, 2 assists, 1 steal
Most of this round’s 6th Man shine is on the battle between Jason Terry and J.R. Smith over in the Dallas/Denver series, but last night the spotlight was clearly on House. Above and beyond his scoring output, his greatest contribution may have been getting under Rafer Alston’s skin enough to draw a head slap which looked like a very suspendable offense. That leads to one question… will we get a Tyronn “The A.I. Stopper” Lue, appearance in Game 3? Will he become the “Eddie House Stopper”?
The Rockets are viewed as the tough, agitators, but is it Kobe that is getting under their skin? Ron-Ron spent a lot of time talking about him post-game, which could also just be a way to draw the refs’ attention to Kobe’s tactics. One thing is for sure, after reviewing the tape, Kobe should not be suspended, as last night’s elbow was not as vicious joints on Manu, MIke Miller, etc… L.O.N. office playoff sub-plot — with the Nuggets now an “out of nowhere” title contender, two prop bets are in play. 1) Total career titles by LeBron (The Tech Guy) vs. Melo (C.E.O.) and 2) Total career titles by Darko (The Unpaid Intern, not including Darko’s rookie title) vs. Melo (C.E.O.). Yes, the Intern took Darko… F.B.I. arrests 37-year-old Cristal Taylor (she of 8 aliases) at the home of Dirk Nowitzki, on a theft charge and a probation violation. What? Is Dirk getting Anne Hathaway-ed?…