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Wednesday, August 26th, 2009 at 1:59 pm  |  84 responses

2009 Summer Movie Wrap-Up

Omar returns to break down the summer slate…

by Omar Mazariego

May
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
A decade after the first full-length X-Men film, the fans finally got what they were waiting for: Wolverine’s solo movie. And like the rest of the hood, I saw this on the bootleg that had wires on the actor’s backs and was missing CGI effects from entire scenes. Now, if you read the Origin comic books like I did, you’ll notice that the story was tweaked and even rewritten. While Hugh Jackman does Wolverine justice, the movie didn’t. From how he got the name, Logan, to why he really lost his memory, I wasn’t loving the changes at all. Gambit was the biggest disappointment to me. He was my favorite X-Man, but they turned him into a bird in this movie. Dead Pool was weak (I can’t believe they’re giving him his own movie), and what was the point of Will-Am-I-A-Gay-Basher?’s character? (We all know Will ain’t do nothing to Perez personally, but I still find that whole situation extraordinarily incredible.) Liev did his thing as Sabretooth, though; I ain’t taking that from him. Overall I was disappointed, but at the same time I’m glad I ain’t spend no paper to see this mediocrity.
3 Gangstas

Star Trek
Growing up, I was never into Star Trek. I saw a few episodes of “The Next Generation,” but never really got into it or understood why it had such a cult following. But director/producer JJ Abrams is crazy imaginative, so I decided to give this movie a try, and I was as blown away as Kool G Rap during his Karrine Steffans years. The retelling of how Captain James Kirk, Spock, Scotty and Sulu linked up to go where no man has gone before was fantastic. I always assumed they all met at The Blue Oyster from Police Academy fame, but I was wrong. Painting Kirk as a underachieving genius rebel-without-a-cause looking for direction in his life, while Spock was an overachiever way beyond his years (and his peers or elders) but was still conflicted by the simplicity of human and Vulcan emotions, gave the flick intriguing storylines to build around and gave the two main characters more depth than I thought they ever had. Sprinkle in some classic lines like “Damnit, Jim! I’m a doctor, not a scientist,” a hot half-naked green alien, some of the best special effects and action sequences the summer has ever seen, and you have yourself a banger.
4 Gangstas

Angels & Demons
I’ma keep it 100 with this right here: When I went to see this movie, I was with this cute-ass Salvadorian shorty. We was tongue twisting it and just Roman Polansking each other before, during and after the movie. So naturally, halfway through the joint I caught a case of…well, let’s just say you could’ve confused my family jewels with The Heart Of The Ocean from Titanic. It was THAT bad. No lie, I couldn’t enjoy the movie or really pay attention cause I was in major pain like Damon Wayans, feel me? Actually, I hope you don’t and never do. All I know is that Tom Hanks’ wig piece wasn’t as ridiculous as it was in The Da Vinci Code, that someone got branded with an iron, and that people read too much into organized religion.  After the movie was over and we walked out, I was “crippin’” so bad that a few Bloods around the way were looking at me sideways when I came through. From what I remember about the movie itself, it was aight. (Same exact story goes for when we went to see Avenue Q. I mean, I think it was a funny play, but man, listen: All I heard was “My Heart Will Go On” and I know damn well Celine Dion wasn’t in that play.) Who knows how many Gangstas. But shorty herself was 4 hardcore Gangstas.

Terminator Salvation
Let’s be real here. Everyone thought that the Terminator without Ahhnold would be like the Packers without Farve. But as fate would have it, Christian Bale turned out to be this franchise’s Aaron Rodgers. Aside from being a far superior actor to the Governator, Christian brought with him that human edge to a franchise built around a robotic apocalypse. In Salvation, the apocalypse has come and gone, but mankind is still beasting it and fighting the good fight for their right to party. John Connor (Bale) is seen by the rebellion as a prophet due to the knowledge he has on the enemy, thanks to his years of preparation through his old earth and personal experiences. But his commanders aren’t exactly praising him or his way of handling things and see him as the second coming of David Koresh. His hatred from the enemy is compromised when he meets a machine with the heart and mind of a man who is looking for answers himself. Now he has to make a decision: Does he side with the half man-half machine or does he sign with the New York Knicks? Countless free agents can’t be wrong, so he deads Donnie Walsh and Mike D’Antoni’s suspect system to continue his fight against the machines. Also, Terry Crews’ “appearance” in this movie gave new meaning to the phrase “the black guy dies in the first 5 minutes.” Get a new agent, homie. Anyway, a bunch of heavy metal and a naked Ahhhnold lookalikes later, and I was convinced that no one can revive a franchise like Christian Bale can. He’s the LeBron James of Hollywood.
4 Gangstas

Drag Me To Hell
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m all about the horror movie; that’s my favorite genre, hands down. That said, we all know today’s “horror” movies are nothing more than remade or recycled material. But Drag Me To Hell seemed to have a new kind of spin for the current day and age. After an old gypsy loses her home to foreclosure (so real it’s already scary), the gypsy places a curse on her loan officer (Alison “No Lips” Lohman), which calls for her to suffer all kinds of mental and physical abuse for a certain amount of time, before the Laima finally drags her body and soul to hell. Lohman seeks help from an curly-haired fortune teller (the curlier the hair the stronger the psychic power — it’s proven science) and an old Latina (big surprise there) who’s done battle with this particular spirit before. She’s also dating the Mac guy (Justin Long), but he’s about as useful as a chastity belt is to Kim Kardashian. This movie was more entertaining and fun than it was scary, but the flick more than held its own. It was clever, creepy and overall disgustingly amusing. Kind of like my ex.
3.5 Gangstas

June
Away We Go
In my personal opinion, the only thing more overrated than this movie is Drake. Critics were hailing Away We Go as one of the best movies of the year and bigging it up like it was a change-the-game flick, but man this movie was a down-head. After an interracial couple (John Krasinski & Maya Rudolph) find out they’re going to have a baby, they start traveling to different states to meet up with old friends in order to get a feel for where the best place to raise their child would be. They soon come to realize that behind the “happiness” seeing friends brings their lives, there remains a canvas of misery. Through their friend’s pains and struggles they learn a thing or two about themselves and the direction they want to take in their life. Some of the dialogue was funny and characters interesting (I thought I couldn’t be less attracted to Maggie Gyllenhaal after Dark Knight. I was wrong), but the movie had too much of a message for my taste. It was just a sad movie. Damn near as sad as the fact that the last movie cast chock-full of Latino stars was Beverly Hills Chihuahua. And yet, they were only used for their voices. Just one long ass Taco Bell commercial.
3 Gangstas

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen
Khalid described this movie as a “top 10 worst of all time.” I have to disagree. I mean Kha’s my muthaf*ckin’ man and I respect his opinion, but at the same time this is the same dude who said Kill Bill was trash. Given that the twin “ghetto” bots were offensive and as stereotypical as the “hoods” that Charles Bronson used to gun down in his Death Wish flicks, that was my only real beef with the movie. I thought the movie was funny, sexy (Megan Fox is wifey), and action packed. Naturally the storyline itself was iffy (Transformers built the pyramids? Since when?), but I’ve been saying that since they announced a sequel was in the works. You knew they were going to bring back Megatron somehow and he’d end up shooting the unfair one with Optimus. It was evident that this was going to be a movie based on more action, explosions and more Megan. And that’s exactly what it was. I don’t know what Kha was expecting, but I was hella entertained when I wasn’t offended by the “ebonics” that the twins were using.
3 Gangstas

July
Public Enemies
The story of John Dillinger and his crew of murderous men seemed like an absolute can’t miss. Especially when it’s starring Johnny Depp (Dillinger) and Christian Bale (Melvin Purvis). But I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed. I can’t put any of the blame on the actors or even the director. But I will place it on the writers.  One minute John’s a common criminal doing a bid and the next he’s an infamous bank robber. No build up to his status or anything.  Same goes for Bale, who played Purvis. They were just introduced as “them dudes,” na’mean? It was like when the Knicks drafted Fredric Weis. It’s like, “Who the F*UCK is you?!?!” The bank heists and the thrill of the chase scenes were damn entertaining, but at the end of the day, for me it lacked character development. Why were these men the best at what they do? How did John know he had ample time to rob said bank. And what made Purvis that good at tracking down his man? He shot a pretty boy and became famous. I beat up and robbed more pretty boys than Mike Tyson (who wasn’t prettier than him?), where’s my movie? Public Enemies was a cool joint, just not what I had hoped from two of the best actors in the game. Then again it could be worse: it could’ve been Righteous Kill 2.
3.5 Gangstas

Bruno
S. Cohen is a comic genius. I really didn’t think he’d be able to top Borat, but Bruno had me in tears like Stephon Marbury listening to Kirk Franklin. From the way he was freaking off his little lover in the hotel to the “interview” with Harrison Ford, the man had me eating out of his hand, but not in a Republican way. (“Not in a Republican way” is the new “No Homo.”) And the pics he took of Lil OJ? Aw man! I busted a gut cracking up when they showed them joints. While I was caught off guard by the full frontal nudity, it was still hilarious. Definitely one of the funniest flicks I’ve seen in years.
4.5 Gangstas

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
I don’t really keep up with anything British. Ever since my moms bought me a pair of British Knights in 4th grade and I suffered the kind of ridicule and abuse that Mel Gibson would’ve made a movie out of and blamed the Jews for, I swore off anything from “Great” Britain. So as far as the Harry books and flicks, it’s whatever to me. None of the movies or books really caught my attention. I saw this joint with L-Boogie at the Ziegfeld and it was cool for the most part, I guess. Harry catches a quick case of Jungle Fever; then son discovers a textbook that used to belong to the wizard formerly known as the Half-Blood Prince, which makes him a better but more dangerous magician; then he catches a body in the bathroom (not in a Republican way though, he’s not Bruno), and was ultimately betrayed by someone who he ain’t really like anyway. I don’t understand how everyone tries to kill each other with a magic wand and spells and sh*t. Tell Voldemort to send me a kite along with a magical shank — I’ll gets the job done. All in all, it was a cool movie, but in more of a cute Narnia way than in a g’d up Lord of the Rings way.
3.5 Gangstas

Funny People
When I first heard that Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen were making a movie together, I thought I was in for something funnier than Paris Hilton when she was being driven back to jail. But the story of a famous comedian (Sandler) who makes a return to stand-up after learning that he was battling a life threatening illness was as boring as Stephon Marbury’s talk show “Stars on Stars.” It’s bad when the funniest guy in a movie starring Sandler and Rogen is none other than The Ruler Zig-Zag-Zig Allah (aka RZA; his “Seinfeld” comments in the flick were fantastic). In this movie, Sandler hires Rogen to help him write material for his stand-up comeback, and in doing so, the two end up becoming close and affect each others lives in ways that…man, I don’t know. The sh*t was kind of wack. It was 2 hours and change of mediocre jokes, soul searching and making amends. Reminded me of this ghetto ass intervention I took part in years ago. It went from nearly becoming a free-for-all to almost turning into an orgy, but that’s nether here no there. The title of this movie was as misleading as The Neverending Story, dunn.
2.5 Gangstas

August
GI Joe
Yeeaaah riiiiiiiiight…

District 9
Two words: interspecies prostitution. Six syllables: In-Fu*k-In-Cre-di-Ble! You have to love the idea of the UN helping malnourished illegal aliens (Prawns) from another planet, meanwhile they won’t even look out for illegal aliens from earth. It was like the UN discovered a UFO filled with two million Elian Gonzalez’s from another world, except in the end they were treated better than he was. In D9, aliens accidentally land on earth in the ‘80s and have been living amongst us since. Shot documentary-style for the most part (the latest Hollywood fad), District 9 revolves around this fake-ass Steve Carrell named Wikus, who’s placed in charge of giving the aliens their eviction notices and moving them from District 9 to District 10. During a raid of one of the alien shacks he discovers a device and ends up getting prematurely sprayed on. The effects begin immediately and his body begins to mutate into that of a Prawn from space. Now on the run, the Government and a neighborhood Suge Knight wants his blood for the same reason: operating alien weaponry. Wikus’s only hope of curing himself lies in the hands and technology of the very Prawn he was trying to evict (that was kind of predictable, wasn’t it?). I thought D9 was a good look at society’s class systems and discrimination of the very people they exploit. Sort of like whoever greenlit Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Not to mention the graphic scenes where aliens and people were torn apart. That was just off the hook. You can never have too much blood and guts being spilled in a movie.
4 Gangstas

Inglourious Basterds
I was watching the classic film From Dusk Till Dawn the other night (I can’t go to sleep unless I watch some kind of horror movie before knocking out), and I realized that Quentin Tarantino and I have a lot in common. I, too, would let Salma Hayek quench my thirst for freakiness by letting her stick her foot in my mouth and pouring liquor down her leg. Not to mention the kind of things we think of. From the conversation about Madonna’s “Like A Virgin” in Reservoir Dogs to the true meaning of a foot massage in Pulp Fiction to the comparison of how people view a rat to a squirrel in Basterds, me and son really are on the same wavelength when it comes observations that your everyday “politically correct” person wouldn’t make. So naturally I’m a fan of this man’s demented and graphic dialogue and visions of violence. Now his manic imagination takes a shot at rewriting history. Inglourious Basterds takes us into an alternate World War II, where eight proud Jewish men led by Lt. Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt) are dropped into the middle of Nazi occupied France with one mission: kill as many Nazis as possible and get at Hitler and his top lieutenants. With no remorse, they bat down, brand, stab, suffocate, gun down and ultimately scalp Nazis (Mel Gibson must be pissed!). While it was as graphic as QT could get on screen, I was expecting more blood and guts than what I got. I mean I’ve “witnessed” a few dudes in my time get their heads cracked with bats and golf clubs, and it was a lot more sloppy and gruesome than what I saw in IB. Plus, I was surprised that QT didn’t take this opportunity to make fun of Hitler’s rumored homosexuality. But I did appreciate the crazy dialogue, accents, violence and even the chummy nicknames like “Bear Jew,” “Jew Hunter” and “Little Man.” But after concurring with my degenerate associates over a bottle of hardcore liquor that was made in Flaco’s bath tub, we concluded that there should’ve been a gay Jew played by Jon Lovitz (God knows he needs a paycheck) who would have sodomize the branded survivors and left them with a story to never tell, American Me style. “Don’t scream. You might like it.” If you ever hear someone tell you that, you can bet your sweet ass you’re gonna scream and you’re not gonna like it.
4 Gangstas

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  • vmcb

    Why is LeBron pictured as Terminator? Christian Bale’s character was human, since you made a reference about the two.

  • izzo

    Transformers was not only one of the top 10 worst movies of all time, it was one of the top 10 worst things of all time.

  • http://slamonline.com Lang Whitaker

    @vcmb: I made the picture. Just having fun, man. Calm down.

  • http://www.shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com Eboy

    O continues to lighten my world everytime I read his sh*t! Oh, and obviously, Transformers is the Lebron James of the cinema world…. big, rich, loved by many, hated by many, kind of corny but pretty much bulletproof in it’s results.

  • http://slamonline.com 360vue

    “Why is LeBron pictured as Terminator? Christian Bale’s character was human, since you made a reference about the two. ”

    Moron. Read what O said. He said Bale reinvented a franchise; just as LBJ did for the Cavs. (“I was convinced that no one can revive a franchise like Christian Bale can. He’s the LeBron James of Hollywood.”) And then Lang made a nice picture to fit what Omar said. Read properly before making really frustrating comments that serve zero purpose

  • http://theghostofroyhobbs.blogspot.com Mo Charlo

    In your face, Funny People.

  • O

    For real, dunn. Lang was just having fun with it. Heads take ish too seriously nowadays..

  • http://theghostofroyhobbs.blogspot.com Mo Charlo

    I’ve been waiting for this all summer.

  • http://slamonline.com 360vue

    On a side note, excellent reviews. Although I gotta say, Bruno wasn’t as a good as Borat. Agree with every other one though, well the ones ive seen, except for Angels and Demons which is worse than kwame brown being picked at 1, it was whack and not in the good context. Gotta go see District 9 though, sounds pretty sick

  • JacobM23

    Gi Joe was the worst movie ive ever seen, but Inglourious Basterds was the best movie of the summer IMO

  • O

    One of my homies was blown away by GI Joe. Saw it twice! Said Marlon Waynes was and I quote, “The truth!” But this is the same dude who was hit by a car at age 8, 13 and 26. So you have to take his opinion with a grain of salt…

  • Bryan Crawford

    Man, am I the only one here who actually liked GI Joe?

  • http://www.slamonline.com Myles Brown

    Id never walked out of an IMAX movie until Transformers 2. It was sh*ttastic.

  • O

    Yes you are, Bryan… yes you are.

  • andre anglais

    So, are you recommending Beverly Hills Chihuahua or not? Seriously, great writing, love it. Thanks

  • O

    One of my homies was blown away by GI Joe. Saw it twice! Said Marlon Waynes was and i quote, “The truth!” But this is the same dude who was hit by a car at the age of 8, 13 and 26. So you have to take his opinion with a grain of salt…

  • Teddy-the-Bear

    I still have to see “Public Enemies”, but there is NO way a Michael Mann movie (not named Miami Vice) gets 3.5/5. No way.

  • Teddy-the-Bear

    Good job though, O!

  • mookie

    O has to do a review of hangover

  • http://nbacheapseats.blogspot.com Chendaddy

    I want to see what Omar’s writing looks like when he’s not forcing it. Reading this article was like watching a battle between a writer who’s mastered complex syntax and an editor trying to keep it real. This was funny, though: “Ever since my moms bought me a pair of British Knights in 4th grade and I suffered the kind of ridicule and abuse that Mel Gibson would’ve made a movie out of and blamed the Jews for, I swore off anything from ‘Great’ Britain.”

  • la huey

    Bruno better than Basterds or D9? You crazy. Transformers was [garbage].

  • riggs

    step your photoshop game up

  • riggs

    wolverine movie:
    1. will i am’s character was in the original weapon x program and deadpool having his own movie is going to be great because it will have nothing to do with the wolvie movie.

  • http://www.michaelcho.com M Cho

    Lol. Great reviews. I gotta agree with the Terry Crews part in Terminator. Dude is too big a name actor to just be playing “dead guy #3″.

  • chingy

    youre not that good at reviewing movies.

    and FYI, district 9 wasnt a “hollywood movie”. it was funded by south african companies. and the whole “documentary style” is Blomkamps way of shooting. he shot most of his shorts, including alive in joburg, which is what D9 is based on.

  • davidR

    entertaining reviews as usual O. fake-ass steve carrell cracked me up! i’m kinda surprised you didn’t review the hangover since that was the hype movie for the beginning of summer

  • O

    @ la huey, Bruno was in a completely different vein than D9 and Basterds. It’s all good. @ Riggs, i’m a Ryan Renolds fan, but I just can’t see him pulling it off for a whole hour and change. @ Chingy, you did your homework on D9, good for you, but take a look at Cloverfield, Diary of The Dead, Quarantine – come on, son. Stop being so damn technical.

  • KHALID SALAAM

    O, I can’t believe you didn’t see the hangover. I texted u and told u how ridiculous it was when it came out–what happened? that joint was nuts. a classic…….. 500 days of summer was a really good movie. it was what away we go was supposed to be–honest as hell, funny and charming. no jokes it was a good flick……..agreed that public enemies wasn’t as good as it should have been but it was still a good movie. as was star trek and of course terminator (the 2 best joints of the summer bar none)….lastly, yeah i hated transformers. i thought that movie was weak as hell and lacking in both intelligence and action. it was the corniest movie i’ve seen since crank (and thats saying something).

  • O

    And yeah, I missed Hangover for some reason even though everyone I knew was co-signing it. I’ll have to catch it on DVD or cable…

  • izzo

    I saw Away We Go and didn’t think there was THAT much of a message in it, not enough to affect the movie anyway. Not like District 9 which was a message movie.

  • O

    Daaaaayum!!! I can’t believe you’re saying it was as bad as Crank. It wasn’t THAT bad. But I can’t co-sign any movie Jason Statham does…

  • http://www.slamonline.com Myles Brown

    Snatch? Lock Stock?

  • http://slamonline.com 360vue

    snatch and lock stock are true classics. crank is bloody awful though, but it does set out to be purely an action film, with little attention paid to plot development, dialogue or the characters. so in that context, it succeeds; its 90 or so minutes of over the top action and explosion scenes. still, if any film gets compared to Crank’ then its gonna be really really gash

  • http://slamonline.com Lang Whitaker

    @O: Actually, The Bank Job was a pretty good Statham movie…

  • O

    Man, I can’t do it. People have told me that movie was dope, but one of them was “Marlon Waynes is the truth!” boy, so I ain’t believe ‘em…

  • Tyrone Shoelaces

    Great reviews O, as always. 100% Co-sign that Deadpool nonsense, #1: They could’ve done that character sooo much badder (no mask/red suit, wtf?) #2: Ryan Reynolds should NOT be the star of an action film. major character or cameo appearance, sure, but like you said, no way I can put up with him for 2 hours straight in that role. Also, anyone who thought RR Deadpool was ‘awesome’..you gotta bust out the old comic book collection to see what’s what.

  • O

    You better caallll Tyroooone! Word up, man. The red mask is a must. I did like his character in the animated “Hulk vs. Wolverine.” That DVD was a BANGER!

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  • J

    Funny yet true statement about the bootleg of wolverine with the missing cgi effects

  • Blue

    Always glad to read your reviews, O. How did Star Trek miss 5 gangstas? I thought it was a shoe in…

  • http://www.sprint.com/sero dma

    GI Joe’s was entertaining.

  • http://ballislife.com Moose

    Maybe it’s just my 14 year old mind that finds 60 pound robots beating the hell outta eachother frickin’ entertaining, but I thought that Transformers was good. Too long, but fun to watch. Year One was a pretty terrible movie, but wicked funny anyways. O, great reviews. Still p!ssed off that I can’t see about half of them because I’m juuuuust a bit too young. But these reviews were great, O. Now I know which ones to watch once they come out on DVD.

  • LeoneL

    Leeeeebrooooon Jenkins!

    No, this comment does not make sense.

  • Teddy-the-Bear

    District 9 is an allegory of the South African Apartheid. I haven’t seen it, but that seems kind of cool.

  • Teddy-the-Bear

    Lock Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels is a good Jason Statham movie. I like Guy Ritchie movies, even if they are totally copying Quentin Tarantino’s style, without actually quite mastering the cool quirkiness of Tarantino and his characters. Tarantino can direct action a lot better, too, from what I’ve seen.

  • davidR

    crank is iiiiight. if you wanna see what it SHOULDVE been, then watch shoot ‘em up. that movie is nuts

  • http://slamonline.com Sam Rubenstein

    Wow when I saw Drag Me to Hell I figured you were one of the writers. True the movie was silly not scary but I saw it at one of those theaters where people yell “Get out of the car you stupid white btch!” That made it a lot better.

  • andre anglais

    I haven’t seen it, and I know the commercials make it look pretty formula, but “A perfect Getaway” comes highly recommended and seems like it would be your thing O

  • http://Www.lkz.ch Darksaber

    Omar, it’s been too long, an eternity really since i last read your work. Your style was slightly different than what i’m used to, the usual gangsta references were there (Tyson, Golfclubs, bloods from around the way) but in general it seems like you’ve mellowed. Is Slam (ahem, Lang) forcing ya to be a bit more commercial?if so, a pox on his head! Great read as usual though, the roman Polanski reference killed me, and Salma can stick her foot in my mouth too.. As long as it’s ginger ale she’s pouring down her leg.

  • http://Www.lkz.ch Darksaber

    Loved Trek (finally she hulk in the flesh), district 9 (a…mazing) and the hangover (baby carlos in aviators jacking off…whoa). Hated wolverine with a passion, and Sasha Barons movies (except Ali G) just annoy me. Transformers 2 was ok, loads more Megan helped, the robot fights remain blurry as hell. And i enjoyed GI Joe (it’s an ode to youth thing, gotta be there to understand). Snake eyes was the shiznit.

  • D12FSU

    inglorious basterds has already become one of my top 5 favorite movies OF ALL TIME

  • al

    ray park as snake eyes is baller. gotta give it least one hit just for that…

  • http://www.mynameinblue.blogspot.com Hisham

    O my god a bad case of the blue balls. Wow that sh*t feels so bad.

  • http://www.mynameinblue.blogspot.com Hisham

    just finished reading the comments, and i’m very surprised nobody commented on the angels&demons bit. It had me rolling for real. Guess nobody here’s ever felt what the blue balls is like. Good for you (I guess)!

  • http://Www.lkz.ch/basket Darksaber

    @al: yep, Storm Shadow, the Baroness (wow, Sienna as a sultry brunette… Wa wa wi waa) Scarlett (Rachel’s got something) and of course the immortal snake eyes were portrayed very well in GI. The main baddies, umm not so much (cobra commander’s a squidface now? Wha..?)
    @Hish: i can feel your enjoyment of the blue balls story all the way to Singapore. Amusing.

  • http://www.mynameinblue.blogspot.com Hisham

    @Dark: Man, the funniest stories are the ones you can relate to. And believe me, i’ve had some bad cases. Just remeniscing about my own experiences and stories from my friends makes me smile and cringe at the same time.

  • http://www.mynameinblue.blogspot.com Hisham

    also, the hangover: best credits EVER (or was it before the credits? anyway i’m talking about the photo’s in the end)

  • Prentice

    O Dog, the most entertaining writer on Slam, and thats sayin something.

  • matt the jazz fan

    what about the hangover?

  • riggs

    @chingy: the mockumentary style was only like what? 30 minutes in the whole movie? the rest was an action movie.

  • http://hibachi20.blogspot.com Blinguo

    District 9 is getting the best Summer movie reviews, as is that Miyazaki Little Mermaid thing, that Disney put their name on without having made it; don’t think they can do great animation like that. Granted any G movies aren’t going to show up here, and the only Japanese Animated one that could would be like THE BIG-O, a ridiculously campy Godzilla Voltron summon robot (Kaiju) Batman TV series, with Blade Runner like android love interest, but also G rated.

  • http://Www.lkz.ch/basket Darksaber

    Mmmm, Voltron. Ahh the fun i had watching voltron on the dj cat show…. Whoops, random

  • big redd

    Why is everybody hating Transformers. It was my shit.

  • O

    Hisham, word up. I’m surprised no one really commented on the blue balls. They either are ashamed to be able to relate or never caught a case. Either way, yes, I’d rather get punched in the face than carry around a case of those again…

  • O

    Sidenote: Batman: Arkham Asylum for the PS3 is straight CRACK!!!!!!! Greatest comic book game ever!

  • CAKEY

    LMAO! O u are hilarious…
    and I cant believe you liked Bruno…while kinda funny it was kinda disturbing! LOL

  • http://Www.lkz.ch/basket Darksaber

    Omar, i was under the impression that she helped ease your built up tension after the movie, no?

  • O

    Unfortunately, no she didn’t, Dark. No she didn’t…

  • http://Www.lkz.ch/basket Darksaber

    O crap, poor you. Okay, that’s a serious blue balls episode right thurrr

  • O

    That was a blue balls pilot. The one during Avenue Q was the season premier…

  • Teddy-the-Bear

    I can’t wait for X-Men Origins: Magneto. I haven’t seen the Wolverine movie, but X-Men is still X-Men. I think they should bring back Bryan Singer to the film franchise. WHADDUP USUAL SUSPECTS!

  • http://www.slamonline.com melvin ely

    Only reason I gave GI Joe the time of day is because I’m a big-ass nerd and always had a schoolboy crush on Baroness (sad I know). Sienna Miller really was rocking it in the first part of the movie, but fell apart when she actually tried to act and sh1t. Oh and just FYI, the sexy half-naked green alien in star trek was Scarlett in GI Joe. Rachel Nichols will always be in my heart.

  • Candice

    I guess I’m the only Harry Potter fan of the books and movies, so this movie was one of my favs of the summer. My other fav was “The Hangover”. I took Salvation and Wolverine for what it was worth. Saw Transformer’s in I-Max and it was good concering the special effects, but it gave me a headache.

  • CJK

    basically terminater salvation was the sh*t and harry potter was sh*t lol

  • Yesse

    Yeah i agree with the hating on Transformers, but the movies havent been that good this summer.

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  • Candice

    @CJK why was Harry Potter sh*t?

  • O

    Harry Potter was not sh*t. It was cool, just kind of kiddish for my taste. I don’t get how he has so many groupies but ain’t smashing none of them. That’s why he’s out there catching bodies in the bathroom…

  • ciroqobama

    Inglorious is the truth, and GI Joe is the worst movie of all time

  • Teddy-the-Bear

    @ Candice: You’re not the only one. I’m a HUGE fan of Harry Potter, books and movies.

  • http://www.lkz.ch Darksaber

    Ciroq: i’ll see your GI Joe & raise you one WATERWORLD and a Vanilla Sky. What, more? How about a Shumacheresque Batman & Robin plus a nice smooth Gigli to wash it down with?

  • Fredo

    Been missing O’s reviews. I felt this summer’s best movies came from original ideas (like The Hangover, District 9 and Inglourious Basterds) than from remakes or sequels. Stuff like GIJoe, Transformers 2 and Terminator Salvation was all noise and CGI, but felt cheap and short. Hell, District 9 destroyed them with 1/5th of their budgets. The only mainstream action/sci-fi remake I liked was Star Trek — which had Rachel Nichols as hot green alien chick and Zoe Saldana in a tight red miniskirt.

  • onions baby onions

    how the fu(k do you justify giving Bruno a higher rating than District 9. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but i just really don’t see how Bruno was funnier than Borat,much less better than it. and to say it was even on the same level as district 9 is just a joke.

  • http://www.slamonline.com Canuck

    Inglourious Basterds and particularly District 9 were just on a completely different level than everything else this summer.

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