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Friday, July 27th, 2007 at 1:20 pm  |  154 responses

Links: Ping Ping Things

Welcome to The Summer of Ping Ping.

by Lang Whitaker

Look, it’s the summer. If you’re an NBA fan, there’s never much happening right now, and even more so this year, other than a lot of hand-wringing about the Donaghy scandal. Do we wish it had not happened? Sure. But it did. Now it’s up to Stern and the League to figure out how to fix it. And I have confidence that the Sternbot will gets things straightened out. He’s David Stern. This is what he does. He craps bigger than Tim Donaghy.

The thing that really bothers me about the ref scandal is what a downer it is. This is the summer, when we’re supposed to bask in the happy sunshine and be all carefree about life, like the people on deodorant commercials. Instead we’re trying to figure out how a referee shaved points without anyone noticing. (Meanwhile, my favorite football player is also on trial for allegedly being involved in dogfighting, but that’s a topic I’m going to tackle next week.) Could the sports world please get a little more depressing?

This is where Mr. Ping Ping enters. We don’t know much about the little fella, other than he really is a little fella. Also, he can’t get his tie straightened out to save his life.

In a way, the lack of insight into Mr. Ping Ping is a great thing. We don’t know his story, other than he may be the smallest man in the world. Not knowing what’s he like, this frees us up to project our own thoughts and dreams onto Mr. Ping Ping, almost like a human movie screen. (A really, really small human movie screen.) Mr. Ping Ping can stand for excitement, he can stand for promise, he can stand for glory.

But right now, for me, Mr. Ping Ping stands for Links fodder. What else am I gonna write about, Ron Mercer? I’m rolling with Ping Ping, and I want all the other basketball blogs to go hard after Mr. Ping Ping, too. Henry Abbott needs to start a Who Is Mr. Ping Ping? category. FreeDarko should chime in on the potential societal ramifications of my deification of Mr. Ping Ping. And I’m hoping Dan Steinberg can get the name Mr. Ping Ping into the Washington Post.

This may one day be remembered as the summer when sports fell apart, but to me, this will always be The Summer of Ping Ping.

For your weekend assignment, I came up with something we can all participate in. Assuming we can ever figure out a way to get Mr. Ping Ping to America and to the SLAM Dome — and at this point I’m not above calling Mark Cuban and asking for straight cash, homey — we have to come up with an itinerary for Mr. Ping Ping; what will he do while he’s in town? Then I realized that the stuff I was interested in seeing Mr. Ping Ping do might not be stuff he would want to do. But again, Mr. Ping Ping exists for us, not himself.

So, I came up with a short list of things I would very much like to see Mr. Ping Ping do…

– Sing karaoke

– Run as fast as he can

– Play Guitar Hero II

– Have a conversation with Omar

– Get a pair of those shoes with wheels in them

– Get mad at someone and yell at them

– Throw out the first pitch at a Yankees game

That’s my quick list. Your turn — and keep it clean, because this is Mr. Ping Ping we’re talking about here: What would you like to watch Mr. Ping Ping do?

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  • me

    First!!

  • http://www.myspace.com/mrdangdang Mr. Dang-Dang

    I’d like to see him rep the lollipop guild…

  • http://slamonline.com Russ Bengtson

    I wanna see the li’l fella run the point for the Knicks. And have a conversation with Stephon Marbury and Nate Robinson.

  • Steve O

    I would like to see Mr.Ping Ping play the game where you stuff as many marshmallows in your mouth as you can and still speak. I think its called Chubby Bunny.

  • http://whitehoteboysworldblogspot.com white hot eboy

    Online chat with Chukaz.

  • http://why-bother-reading.blogspot.com/ H to the izzo

    What song should he sing at karaoke?

  • me

    how about straighten his tie?

  • RV

    trampoline dunk

  • Steve O

    H- Anything from the Journey catalog

  • me

    we takin’ over

  • http://slamonline.com Russ Bengtson

    I’d also like to see him drive a drop-top Lambo filled with Penthouse Pets down West Broadway.

  • http://slamonline.com Russ Bengtson

    Although to do that he might need that sh*t Short Round had in “Temple of Doom”.

  • http://slamonline.com mutoni

    i want to see him try and hug and someone.

  • http://whitehoteboysworldblogspot.com white hot eboy

    Become a SLAM employee for a day and terrorize the SLAMdome from within.

  • http://whitehoteboysworldblogspot.com white hot eboy

    Stand in the window at TRL and greet the masses in Times Square.

  • me

    drive a car in NYC

  • gelly

    wow, so the season reallllly has to start. like now. this is getting rediculous

  • http://slamonline.com Sam Rubenstein

    David Stern might crap bigger than Tim Donaghy, but everyone can crap bigger than Mr. Ping Ping.

  • Steve O

    Race go-carts

  • Steve O

    or rascals

  • http://why-bother-reading.blogspot.com/ H to the izzo

    Sing Livin’ on a Prayer with Eli Manning

  • Ron

    Mutoni, he needs to be hugged by someone like Pam Anderson.

    I’d like to see Mr. Ping Ping hail a cab or spend some time in Central Park. Oh, I’d like to see him on Coney Island doing his best Kobayashi impersonation at Nathans.

  • Rasheedionics

    Make it rain in the strip club…

  • http://whitehoteboysworldblogspot.com white hot eboy

    Ride the Sybian on Howard Stern’s show.

  • http://slamonline.com Lang Whitaker

    You know what he’d have to sing at karaoke: “Every time I come around your city…”

  • http://whitehoteboysworldblogspot.com white hot eboy

    I wonder if when he speaks all of us not on his astral plane can hear his voice?

  • http://why-bother-reading.blogspot.com/ H to the izzo

    He could buy the worlds smallest pinky ring

  • http://www.slamonline.com Ben Collins

    I really do like the idea that had come up the other day, to do a minute-by-minute reenactment of exactly what Britney Spears did the day before. Everything she does, from baby dropping to wearing hoey pants to dancing all sleezy-like on a chair, I want Ping Ping to do it the next day note-for-note.

  • andrew

    shaq to grab mr ping ping like a ball.

  • http://www.theserioustip.blogspot.com Jordi Scrubbings

    Ride a Harley with an American bandana on his head.
    Smack the Wayans bros for that movie about the midget who poses as a baby.
    Hang out with Shaq.
    Jump on a trampoline.
    Join the WWE.

  • http://aspov.blogspot.com Cheryl

    Show up on Letterman and read “10 things Mr. Ping Ping can do that you can’t”.

  • http://why-bother-reading.blogspot.com/ H to the izzo

    How has no-one said this yet?I wanna see him drunk

  • http://whitehoteboysworldblogspot.com white hot eboy

    While on Letterman, play “Will it Float or Not?”

  • Steve O

    Playing ping pong??

  • http://why-bother-reading.blogspot.com/ H to the izzo

    Wear a cowboy hat

  • http://why-bother-reading.blogspot.com/ H to the izzo

    Playing the trumpet

  • http://www.myspace.com/whyberickjames Ghost of Johnnie Cochran

    go bowling…………play paintball……bungee…………..parachute………………..smoke blunts

  • http://aspov.blogspot.com Cheryl

    SteveO-Say Mr. PingPing plays Ping Pong three times real fast. After inhailing helium.

  • http://www.slamonline.com Ben Collins

    White Hot Eboy: would he be testing something to see if it floats, or would we be testing to see if he floats?

  • http://whitehoteboysworldblogspot.com white hot eboy

    Ben, If he floats. Sorry. If he truly has magical powers of some sort he should be bobbing on the surface like a dingy.

  • RV

    ref an NBA game?

  • http://www.myspace.com/mrdangdang Mr. Dang-Dang

    I think he should do live shows with Kid Rock.

  • http://whitehoteboysworldblogspot.com white hot eboy

    Scold Don-a-gie with a wooden ruler, old school style.

  • http://slamonline.com Russ Bengtson

    Get snorted by Lindsay Lohan, dropped by Britney Spears, and used as a prop in Paris Hilton’s next “movie.”

  • Steve O

    Cheryl- I’m not sure thats even possible
    Lang- I bet Mr. Ping Ping shreds some serious face melters in Guitar Hero II.

  • Nadav

    play ping pong

  • Ron

    Panhandle on Wall St.

  • http://why-bother-reading.blogspot.com/ H to the izzo

    Eat his body weight in anything

  • orteezy

    dance routine during a timeout…of course the blazer dancers

  • http://whitehoteboysworldblogspot.com white hot eboy

    Be levitated by Criss Angel and then have his body ripped in half and scurry off through Central Park while walking on his hands.

  • http://whitehoteboysworldblogspot.com white hot eboy

    Sit next to Spike Lee at a Knicks game and do the kiss cam game with a sweaty Eddy Curry.

  • orteezy

    shave off drew gooden’s ducktail during the allstar game

  • orteezy

    come cover my shift cuz i’m hella bored

  • john

    have a conversation with stuart scott, or steven a, or both, or either….

  • Rasheedionics

    WHERE’S OMAR?

  • http://whitehoteboysworldblogspot.com white hot eboy

    Play guitar with the Naked Cowboy!

  • http://www.myspace.com/whyberickjames Ghost of Johnnie Cochran

    enter a hotdog eating competition

  • http://www.myspace.com/whyberickjames Ghost of Johnnie Cochran

    then blow everyones mind by eating 87 squirrell dogs

  • Paxson43

    Lang, if you ever do another random Mr. Ping Ping post, could you title it “Ping Pings Poppin’” in honor of the great TI? Thanks.

  • http://www.neworleansnation.blogspot.com Toney Blare

    bag bitches up at john jay and hit a matinee.

    also, what is going on in that photo? what are they doing to Ping PANG?

  • http://whitehoteboysworldblogspot.com white hot eboy

    Anyone else missing Ryan’s take on this?
    The fall harvest is still months off, isn’t it?

  • http://slamonline.com Lang Whitaker

    Ryan is in transit today. If placed on any body of water, I feel confident that Mr. Ping Ping could walk on it. Also, I, too, would love to see him play the trumpet. Or some jazz flute.

  • Ron

    Let Ping Ping get a nice piece of Bling Bling From Jacob da Jewela.

  • Ron

    Does anyone think Ping Ping would be slightly offended with any of this?

  • http://aspov.blogspot.com Cheryl

    Ron, I thought about that but…nah!

  • http://aspov.blogspot.com Cheryl

    we are having too much fun with this one. y’all are crackin’ me up.

  • http://whitehoteboysworldblogspot.com white hot eboy

    Ron, In my mind, Ping Ping has the patience of Joeb and the heart of and understanding of Mother Theresa. Thanks for the Ryan iggy, Lang.

  • http://whitehoteboysworldblogspot.com white hot eboy

    A cameo as John Locke’s long lost son or as the last piece of the Other’s puzzle, the missing luggage compartment cargo from Oceanic Flight 815.

  • http://www.theserioustip.blogspot.com Jordi Scrubbings

    Anyone else think he looks like the real life Great Gazoo from the Flintstones?

  • http://www.mybleedingfingertips.blogspot.com/ Max Airington

    A cartwheel…

  • Douce

    sit on someones shoulders

  • Douce

    eat some watermelon

  • Douce

    thumb wrestle somebody

  • http://why-bother-reading.blogspot.com/ H to the izzo

    Wear one of Shaq’s fedoras

  • http://aspov.blogspot.com Cheryl

    Jordi, you’re onto something there! You’re also giving away you age, arent’cha? But I guess I am too, cuz I called you out?

  • Dizzle

    I want to see a picture of him standing on the shoulder of Dikembe Mutumbo with a caption that says “I climbed Mount Mutumbo”.

  • http://whitehoteboysworldblogspot.com white hot eboy

    Jordi, he just needs the little helmet, right?

  • Dizzle

    I want him to rap and make video of “Bling Bling”. But of course, it would be “Ping Ping” instead.

    It would be pretty sweet seeing him in a rap video.

  • maloney

    Kayak the Hudson River in one of Yao’s shoes.

  • http://www.myspace.com/mrdangdang Mr. Dang-Dang

    Star in a reality show with Verne Troyer (mini me).

  • Ron

    Actually him in a bare knuckle fight with Verne would be better than watching Kimbo.

  • Dennard

    I like to see Mr. Ping Pong tie his bow tie.

  • Big L

    Dress him up like Alvin & The Chipmunks. He would have a PP on his chest.

  • Big L

    On a side note, Mr. Ping Ping’s things is my fantasy football team name.

  • Dean (not the first guy)

    I like all of the suggestions …. just make sure you take him from place to palce in you backpack ….not a baby holder … a backpack … and yes he can stick his out of the top.

  • http://www.myspace.com/mrdangdang Mr. Dang-Dang

    I would like to see him Simpsonized.

  • CocaCola

    I wanna see him block Yao Ming

  • http://www.theserioustip.blogspot.com Jordi Scrubbings

    I can see him having mystical powers too. Like that kid in Eddie Murphy’s The Golden Child.

  • RM # 0

    Have a dance off with Shaq and to get a cameo in South Park

  • http://idunkonthem.blogspot.com/ albie1kenobi

    did anyone mention ping ping playing Dance dance revolution? that was the first thing that came to my mind after Lang’s request to play guitar hero 2.

  • Collin

    Have to start 3 fights with random people a la Fight Club, preferably a nun, an angry cab driver, and a pigeon in central park.

  • http://thebiglead.com The Big Lead

    Sabotage billlboards to trick people into ruining their lawns.

  • http://www.myspace.com/mrdangdang Mr. Dang-Dang

    I’d like to see him become the new host on Star Search.

  • http://thebiglead.com The Big Lead

    Get busy.

  • bay area

    Just get a pic of him wearing the famous suit and tie sippin a martini… fake mustache optional. Or go with the Hef smoking jacket, glass of brandy, and sittin on a Bunny’s lap.

  • http://www.myspace.com/mrdangdang Mr. Dang-Dang

    I’d like to see him and Reggie Miller call a Knicks game.

  • Ballivier

    I’d like to see Mr. Ping Ping try this:
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=Bww49owkK5s
    I hope he isn’t killed doing it…

  • http://www.mybleedingfingertips.blogspot.com/ Max Airington

    Guest host Inside the NBA with Charles and Kenny.

  • http://thebiglead.com The Big Lead

    Write for mybleedingfingertips.blogspot.com

  • J

    skateboard

  • http://basketball.org.nz Tim Dennis

    Go one on one with nate robinson

  • Matt Rhodes

    hey…

    here’s a link i found about mr Ping Ping
    http://www.zazzle.com/product/235098222195054037 get ur ping ping t shirts there y’all…

    Lol

    MAtt

  • Can

    do the C-WALK or HARLEM SHAKE or any of those dances with lots of movement.. haha

  • Chukaz

    Wrestle Kane, the Undertaker, and the Great Khali at wrestlemenia 24.

  • Mike C.

    Dean (not the first guy) says:
    I like all of the suggestions …. just make sure you take him from place to palce in you backpack ….not a baby holder … a backpack … and yes he can stick his out of the top. —— Mr. Ping Ping could ride around in one of those Travel Stenographer get ups. They’re available at all Wal-Bogs.

  • El Boydelz

    An old skool “20 Minute Workout.” Or a Chippendales routine. He’d look sweet in just the off center bowtie, some tight black slacks and the cufflinks.

  • http://slamonline.com Russ Bengtson

    I’d like to see his representatives issue a statement saying that he refuses to play in Milwaukee.

  • Elyse

    Do you think he could be dunked? Or perhaps howard could leave him on the backboard in the dunk contest. No one would even know until wham…ping ping sitting up there just relaxing. If he can’t get him all the way to the top for a sitting position, he could just put some gorilla glue on the back of ping’s shirt and he’ll be up there forever.

  • Adam Morrison

    Id like to see him dressed up as a real 8 pound 6 ounce baby jesus from taladaiga nights

  • Jay

    the way the man is holding mr. ping ping looks pretty disturbing to me. wht the hell is he reaching for with this right hand, AND left hand as well, & is that the reason mr. ping ping have ‘i`ve jus been violated’ expression on his face??. & why am i the only one to notice it??

  • Bryant Reeves

    race against charles

  • jay n

    Star in a little Ping Ping advert(like little Penny).The ventriloquist doll would be the same size.Like a face off.

  • Chukaz

    I would like to see Mr. Pimp Ping post up Shaq or stuff Yao… wait a second, a midgit (Nate Robinson) has already done that. My bad.

  • Chukaz

    Is that how you spell midgit? ’cause I have the feelin’ that it’s spelled midget.

  • Chukaz

    Alright, it is spelled midget. Like that Bob Costas guy who’s got beef with Barry Bonds. That beef might get to 50 cent Vs. Murder Inc proportions.

  • J.C.

    Get dunked by LeBron.

  • Si

    fight mike vick, mike of course has to be on all fours barking like a dog

  • kauhl

    Instead of that Mr Ping-Ping bs, I’d rather read something about how Team USA (with guys like Hibbert and DJ White) got their butts kicked bigtime in the Pan-Am Games. Loosing to “powerhouses” like Uruguai and Panama.

    That’s exactly why I don’t read Slam anymore.

  • AJ$

    Wear bling-bling, rap w/chingy, eat a ding-dong, watch king kong, chill w/lang, ball w/yao ming-ming, play ping-pong, & get a tattoo of a ying-yang. o & i wanna c him in a movie w/samuel l jackson

  • AJ$

    Whit Hot eboy:ud need a microscope 2 c him if he got cut in half.
    Douce:If he thumb wrestled somebody itd be Mr. Ping Pings whole body against da other persons thumb.

  • Grenner

    Get into a heated argument with chris tucker and then see how many dogs come running.

  • Grenner

    sell ipod nanos on the street to unsuspecting fools who think its an ipod video….he’ll make a killing.

  • http://nothinpersonal8.blogspot.com/ nothin _personal

    Play a James Bond villain! With a Bond Girl and all. The funniest part, it’s when he’ll have to step on the escape Button and jump to trigger his escape!

  • Jose

    break yao ming’s ankles in a 1 on 1

  • J.C.

    Do a barrel roll.

  • Payne-o

    Parade around London on the top deck of an open-top red bus, doing the royal wave at anybody that looks in his general direction

  • BETCATS

    BREAKIN NEWS ITS SPELLED PINGPING not PING PING!

  • Nick tha Quick

    Post up Lil’Nate and score!

  • Chief

    Dude i want to see him play dodgeball, dunk on Yao. and Get lauched out of a cannon like straight over the grand canyon. Then my life would be complete.

  • http://kb24.com Bigi

    Dunk on Shawn Bradley…

  • Andrew

    I’d like to see him go on a rampage with the guy from “Kicked In The Nuts.”

  • dacre

    I just wanna know if brutha can walk?!

  • deepspace5

    1) get in a few runs at Rucker Park
    2) stand shoulder to shoulder with Phife Dawg

  • Dean

    Id like to see Mr Ping Ping fight 100 four year olds and Mr Ping Ping is the only one with a bow staff. All the four year olds need to wear the same face mask so its like the fight seen in the matrix where Neo fights all those agents that look the same

  • Blue

    Star in the next John Singleton movie…

  • Blue

    Hear him called to be the next contestant on “The Price Is Right” and see if he can make it down to contestants row before commercial break…

  • Mo Charlo

    Pimp hos. Fire a gun. Throw a cup of ice at Ron Artest. Be kicked by David Beckham. Fight mini-me to the death.

  • OneShot

    Dance Napoleon Dynamite style.

  • http://breadcity.wordpress.com Jake

    engage in a political debate with bill o’reilly

  • Silky Slim

    Mr. Ping Ping plays a crime solving detective in “Inch High Private Eye!” TV ratings will be through the roof!

  • http://www.slamonline.com Ryan Jones

    Eat cheese

  • baller_4

    I would put him on 1st pick to the nba draft 2009\2010….hahaha,in LBJ team…!!

  • http://www.neworleansnation.blogspot.com Toney Blare

    Light the Olympic torch in 2008.

  • sush carter

    pop out of a cake

  • sush carter

    hang on ludacris’ necklace

  • Dave

    I’m just waiting for the first Ping Ping reference in a rap song.
    “Dawg, I got the bling bling. You, your money short like Ping Ping!”

  • Dennard

    Punch Skip Bayless in the eye.

  • Slobodan Chutzpah

    I wanna see him bitch-slap Michael Doleac and go snowboarding with Vladimir Radmanovic.

  • AJ$

    @sush carter:thatd be gangsta!

  • Pingback: SLAM ONLINE | » Links: Who needs Mr. Ping Ping?

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  • pingpingforeva

    i want to see ping ping ride a horse into a party and yell haza…..

  • Ivana

    I think I’d like to see him swim… lol That’s all I can come up with.

  • Ivana

    I think I’d like to see him swim… lol That’s all I can come up with.

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