Friday, October 31st, 2008 at 11:36 am  |  50 responses

Links: Drew Gooden’s New Look Has A Name…

Well of course it does.

by Lang Whitaker

Continuing in my longtime unofficial role as a spokeman for Drew Gooden, I contacted him last night about this new look of his. Oh, you know the look. The one pictured.

First of all, I had to admit to Drew that he has outdone himself with this new look. (His response to that: “LOL!”)

Drew’s working with limited real estate, after all, considering his head is basically out of play. (And he had to shave the head — no choice there. There’s a reason his nickname used to be “Recede Wallace.” Oops, Drew’s gonna kill me for putting that out there.)

Anyway, with no hair on his head, all he can do is have fun with the facial hair. Which explains last year’s Beard Challenge with DeShawn Stevenson.

Now that DeShawn has vowed to calm down, however, this leaves Drew a man on an island, albeit an island that appears to have extensive and precise facial grooming products available. And with those tools, this is what Drew has cultivated.

His name for it?

“The Johnny,” Drew emailed.

The Johnny?

“The Johnny. (Like Johnny Depp — Pirates of the Carribbean).”

To me, it looks more like Davy Jones from the same movie series than Capt. Jack Sparrow, but perhaps this is what Drew is trying to teach us: It’s not about at-large perception, it’s about each of us finding our own form of beauty in that which we take in.

Now you know. You may return to your life informed and renewed. That is all.

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  • http://www.freewebs.com/betcats BETCATS

    The Johnny!

  • http://www.shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com Eboy

    Once the sideburns grow in, it’s gonna be horrible!!!

  • http://www.shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com Eboy

    Oh, and Lang, do I need to shoot you my address for the contest last week?

  • http://slamonline.com Lang Whitaker

    Sending out those emails today, eboy.

  • http://www.shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com Eboy

    Thank you, sir.

  • NYB

    I love his creativity… I do have to admit it does look a little more like Davy Jones!

  • Sparker

    was there ever a winner declared in the beard challenge?

  • http://www.shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com Eboy

    I got my son a fish tank for his birthday and Drew’s beard looks strangely similiar to one of the fake plants I put in it…..a Pirates life indeed.

  • http://shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com/ TADOne

    Good God.

  • http://www.manutd.com Z

    Drew Gooden is strange. If he weren’t a pro athlete, he’d be the guy in the office that nobody’s really trying to get to know.

  • awesomepossum

    cosign Z & LOL

  • http://www.where-basketball-b-longs.blogspot.com/ B. Long

    Someone needs to call animal control.

  • Gumdrop

    Good to know that the NBA is set for the next few years after Scott Pollard retires.

  • LeeVan

    Chin dreads?! C’mon, Drew, you can do better than that.
    “Recede Wallace”, lol. I’m gonna use that one, but first I’ll have to start a rap battle with a balding black man. Anyone know how I can contact Rip Hamilton?

  • http://heavyasheaven.blogspot.com Kid Presto

    Momma told me facial hair makes the ladies not want me. She must not know I’m a mothaf*cking playa! slu.

  • Boing Dynasty

    Presto, your swag is questionable.

  • casey

    it’s better than the “reverse soul patch” if you will. what was that!? a tiny square of hair on the base of your neck? uhhhh…NOT sexy.

  • I ride toys

    my facial hair was almost like that minus the dreads..lol the women were telling me go back to your clean look, here at work.

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  • riggs

    it looks like he went crazy on a bowl of chocolate pudding.

  • Bostwik

    The Davy!

  • Mash

    Lang’s obsessed with receding hairlines. After a few years, it’s starting to get childish. Let’s start talking about Lang’s weight…

  • http://slamonline.com Lang Whitaker

    Once I sign a multi-million dollar deal with SLAM, my weight is free game.

  • Jalepino Sausage

    Ol D B Rocked it better. Those are some dangle-berries. :-)

  • http://twentythreenine.blogspot.com Russ Bengtson

    I had something very similar going on like 10 years ago. Maybe I should sue.

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  • crazy man al

    lyfe jennings anyone?

  • http://hibachi20.blogspot.com Hursty

    Oh man, at least we’ve got something to keep us entertained over the next while.
    co-sign E 11:57 A.
    Thanks Lang.

  • Bro D.

    It’s better than Nocioni’s Prince Valiant hair cut at least.

  • Tommy Vercetti

    This looks creepy.

  • http://www.ozhiphop.com D.Brown

    as soon as I watched bulls vs celts n saw Drew’s new do, I thought to myself…….why haven’t I seen anything on slam about this?

    it is much cooler than the ‘duck tail’

  • http://shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com/ Tariq al Haydar

    The Johnny? More like The Spider. That thing looks like it’s going to crawl off his face.

  • KA

    he actually said LOL? he’s a blerd!

  • Swellhead

    Multi-millionaire sportsmen have waaay too much time on their hands.

  • http://hibachi20.blogspot.com Moose

    I was wondering about that . . . thanks, Lang.

  • http://www.youtube.com/mandiixoxo Amanda

    yuck, more like Scragglepuss of the Mariana Trench

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  • Bay Area

    At least he cut that patch of hair on the back he had – Bay Area ducktail

  • http://www.triplejunearthed.com/dacre Dacre

    Its the kind of wacked out facial hair combo that you only put on CUSTOM MADE players on NBALive…

    ^_^

  • joe

    The Johnny? I agree with CRAZY MAN AL: The Lyfe Jennings is what is should be called

  • joe

    The Johnny? I agree with CRAZY MAN AL: The Lyfe Jennings is what is should be called

  • http://www.obeseamerica.com sankofa

    If each tentacle were a basketball IQ point, he’d be a hell of a ballplayer.

  • http://www.freshnessmag.com/v4/wp-gallery/july_07/nike_daybreak_vintage/316663_431_A.jpg BETCATS

    he is rockin the cooli beard.

  • http://www.freewebs.com/betcats BETCATS

    *coolio

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  • http://www.triplejunearthed.com/dacre Dacre

    the duck tail was his ode to supermans cape…

  • http://breadcity.wordpress.com Jake

    It reminds me of Doctor Zoidberg, from Futurama.

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  • Jigga

    Eh, when you a balla who sucks, you got 2 get your air time some how. Don’t you g’s get what this fool is doin? His game is so wack he has to play off his head, I mean face for his 10 min of fame. Mr Inconsistant, Mr Swag-a-not, Mr Pot Head dread man. Get off his jock dude. He a pansy ass.

  • nikki

    i like his creativity and i think hes hott!!

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