Friday, May 29th, 2009 at 2:50 pm  |  84 responses

Links: SLAM Un-Covers

Plus…It’s Caucasian?

by Lang Whitaker

So I think Stan Van Gundy finally just sent someone to double-team LeBron.

Just remember: Two years ago in the Conference Finals against Detroit, the Pistons were tied 2-2 with the Cavs, when LeBron took over in Game 5 and scored the last 25 points for Cleveland, including 29 of Cleveland’s last 30.

Then last night, in Game 5, LeBron brought the Cavs back from down 8 in the fourth to win. This included a run in the third and fourth where Bron either scored or assisted on 32 consecutive Cavs points. Again, LeBron scored or assisted on 32 consecutive Cavs points.

And just the heck of it, he scored one-on-one against Mickael Pietrus about five times in a row.

Bron finished with 37, 14 and 12, the first player to post at least 37, 14 and 12 in a Playoff game since Oscar Robertson in 1963.

(And in case you’re dumb and you had any doubts about LeBron’s strength, consider the play last night where Bron drove into Dwight Howard and they collided in mid-air for Howard’s sixth foul. Howard flew back about five feet on that play. Yes, Bron had a head of steam going, but if I ran into Dwight Howard going full speed, I’m pretty sure I’d hit the deck and Dwight wouldn’t move. LeBron went through Dwight Howard like he was Shawn Bradley.)

All day yesterday on Twitter, I saw a steady stream of notes and comments about LeBron—that he was choking, that he was overrated, that Kobe’s better than him. These were all wrong. I’ve been saying this the last few months but I think it bears repeating: LeBron is playing the most complete basketball we’ve seen in the NBA since Michael Jordan. Love him or hate him, he’s amazing.

Because the Lakers played so well in Game 5, and because the Lakers are more experienced and have a more talented team, one through twelve, than Denver, I’m going to pick Denver to win Game 6 tonight. The Lakers have been so maddeningly inconsistent that I have no idea what to expect tonight, other than they’ll probably do what I don’t expect them to do. I think they might win tonight, catch Denver off-guard and come out firing. So Denver will probably win by 20.

• Russ posted this on Twitter (via someone and retweeting someone, etcetera and so on), and it’s pretty great…

• Not much else to talk about today, except for this bright idea I had late last night. Next week we’ll be debuting the latest cover of SLAM, when we drop SLAM issue 130. Of course, I can’t talk about who the new cover of SLAM is going to feature. But I can talk about who is not going to be on the cover of SLAM 130.

So this morning I came up with a couple of mock rejected cover concepts for SLAM 130, and our creative director, Melissa Brennan, put these together for us.

Again, here are three covers of SLAM 130 that you will not see on newsstands. I’ll try to do this each month just before our new covers drop…





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  • http://slamonline.com/ Justin Walsh

    I just spit chocolate milk all over the floor. These are more satire special ish than the onion.

  • http://theghostofroyhobbs.blogspot.com Mo Charlo


  • HangTime Hec

    LMAO! These are nice. I love the bavetta one. Those shades are tough!

  • http://www.shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com/ TADOne

    ***slow clap***

  • JB

    Simply put, now the Magic fans can enjoy Pietrus in similar fashion the Warrior Fans did.

    Gotta love when he makes a crucial boneheaded play that will help the other team when it most matters.

  • http://slamonline.com/ Justin Walsh

    i just noticed the dating tips from dirk nowitzki. wowwww that was a hard hitter.

  • http://mvn.com/thenolookpass Rey-Rey

    LOVE the SLAM covers! Ha ha ha. And the parody of IT’S AMAZING is awesome.

  • JB

    PS only lang mockups would have Marbury mentioned.


  • Myung

    That video is so wrong and so funny. The Korean in me is so glad it’s “Caucasian” and not “An Asian.” Also, for issue 130, you also might want to avoid putting LeBron on the cover because he probably won’t make the NBA Finals this season, and that would make you guys look silly like Nike and Sports Illustrated. Oh wa…

  • http://shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com Eboy

    I like how Steph has a feature in each one.

  • http://slamonline.com Russ Bengtson

    My man @timmhotep put me on the Caucasian video, which is amazing. Those covers, however, are even better. Props.

  • http://slamonline.com/ Justin Walsh

    the Professor Griff needs to be a real cover some day. I’m calling him that forever. Which is irony because when he talks, he does not sound academic. He sounds like a 7 year old reading doctor seuss.

  • http://shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com Eboy

    Harsh, Walsh, harsh.

  • Big Marv

    nice work, more covers please.

  • http://slamonline.com/ Justin Walsh

    Eboy, you know I’m not lying. I’m not saying he’s stupid in any way. The words he uses and his answers are clearly carefully put out; it just comes out awkwardly.

  • doyouwantmore

    Love the IRONMEN one. Nothing is ridiculous as the idea of SLAM deciding to do a feature on washed-up old Stephon Marbury though.

  • http://shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com Eboy

    LOL, nah, you’re right.

  • AR

    Um,I want to make fake SLAM covers.Probably more than I want to make real ones.

  • Phil B

    ouch. but seriously you need to do a feature on ghostface pryzbilla.

  • http://slamonline.com/ Justin Walsh

    let’s get a fake cover of me trying to dunk on an 8 foot goal. and we can make the cover JUST like the one Bassy had. And we can have JJ Barea on there too. And Holly with camo, an automatic weapon and SJax tats. We can title it: NBA HOODSTARS

  • Myung

    I bought one of those old SLAM t-shirts (the Iverson cover) from Finishline a few years back… I’d definitely buy one of these if you guys made t-shirts of these mock coers. I’m especially feelin’ the one with Yao Ming and Bill Russell.

  • Teddy-the-Bear

    AHAHAHAHA NICE! Although Yao is way more durable than Greg.

  • Myung

    My favorite part of this page is how you guys have an ad for a company that sells fake Jordans and other kicks. Fake covers and fake shoes. Genius pairing.

  • mj23

    Cool video. Should’ve been titled “White Men Can’t Jump!!!! “

  • mj23

    Myung: Asians can’t jump either plus they’re so f***in short. At least white dudes are tall.

  • Ken

    I love how every cover says “Stephon Marbury”! on it. Very nice touch there. Hilarious stuff…my favorite was the Isiah joke.

  • Myung

    I think if your Internet name pays homage to the greatest basketball player of all time, then you should sort of reflect the greatness of His Airness by 1. Not being ignorant and making racist generalizations 2. Be somewhat funny (“Should’ve been titled “White Men Can’t Jump!!!” = not funny) 3. Make statements that sort of make sense… like, if you’re going to say something about Asians being short, you should possibly research who the tallest current player in the NBA is and maybe even pay attention to said player’s ethnicity. Just some free advice.

  • http://slamonline.com/ Justin Walsh

    myung, you just ethered poor fool. Solid. Also, the tallest basketball player not in the NBA is asian (7 foot 9). And the white man cant jump title, though cliche for white jokes, doesn’t fit the song title much.

  • http://idunkonthem.blogspot.com albie1kenobi

    classic Links. can we make the mock cover a regular feature on this site?
    @Myung: it’d be very difficult to make a “NBA: where not asian happens” because it’d be basically Yao falling down/getting dunk on for pretty much the whole video. i mean Sun “Chinese Magic Johnson” Yue never got off the bench this year.

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  • http://www.shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com Eboy

    The kid about to kiss his dog in the video made my tear up from laughing so hard.

  • http://hibachi20.blogspot.com Moose

    Dating tips from Dirk Nowitzki was great. Sweet stuff.

  • http://slamonline.com Lang Whitaker

    Thanks everyone. Maybe we’ll try this more often than once a month…

  • Jeronimo

    Dating tips from Dirk Nowitzki!!! Hahahahahah! You’re a riot!

  • http://lacuevacrosscountry.com Slick Nick Da Ruler

    Thank you Lang, you are the man.

  • bro. D

    Although funny, that was a pretty cruel video, hasn’t Shawn Bradley suffered enough?

  • http://slamonline.com B. Long

    Oh my Jesus…

  • http://www.slamonline.com Blinguo

    Nice. Good work Creative director Melissa. For that guy who wanted to make his own mock SLAM covers, I saw a link like that on the Cafepress SLAM shop page. “Make your own covers to your fave magazines” or whatever on the lefthand column near the bottom of the list. Didn’t click it myself. Go look it up; check it out.

  • http://phoenixsunsrising.blogspot.com Hersey

    Dating Tips from Dirk, ouch. Love the Iron Men cover

  • http://sfkldf.com Jukai

    I haven’t laughed that hard in a LONG ass time.

  • bingo

    I see that you snuck in a feature on Aaron Gray. That is effing AWESOME.

  • http://www.slamonline.com Blinguo

    The video could have added Reddick’s bird back tattoo they showed in that Orlando locker room halftime look-in. Reddick trying to bite off the Birdman.

  • http://sfkldf.com Jukai

    Did you white out the ‘J’ in Jamaal Magloire on purpose because the guy can’t hit a jumpshot for anything? Because that would be truly beautiful if you did.

  • JB

    Lang, I’m just excited to have The Links more than once a month, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

  • http://www.slamonline.com wayno

    Wally Sexyback and Jarron Collins…LMAO

  • http://mindyourbusiness@nosybutt.com Allenp

    I love the touch of having Marbury on every cover.

  • http://joeloholic.wordpress.com Joel O’s

    The Bavetta one would be fantastic. I actually thought for a moment it was real.

  • David

    Great covers. But, ummm… isn’t there a Marbury article in the Great Debate issue? Or is the joke that you’d never put him on the cover again…

    And I guess we don’t need a nickname contest for Griffin now.

  • Marcos

    Stupid movie. Coz black people are so beautiful and never get caught on the wrong end of dunks or play stupid. I didn’t see Larry Bird kicking ‘Nique’s black losing ass in that clip. If a white person made a youtube movie like that, he’d be called a racist. Nice way to keep up with the differences and accentuate racism. I’ll make a movie with black people acting stupid, and see how black people feel. Good luck going to college and getting a nice job. Oh, and with the cops at night in your nice cars.
    (how does that sound for a “so amazing” video?)

  • Teddy-the-Bear

    Co-sign Myung… you just verbally merced that r@cist b!tch. Awesome job. Next on your list should be albie1kenobi, he’s pretty d@mn ret@rded himself.

  • Teddy-the-Bear

    Great covers, again.
    Also, albie will just embarrass himself shortly. Don’t worry about that “caucasian” Myung.

  • Myung

    Thanks, I guess, Teddy… and btw, Albie’s my boy. I know he meant no harm by what he wrote.

  • Dave

    Hahahaha, Myung pwning morons. Nice.
    Everything about the Ironmen issue is just plain harsh.

  • D12FSU

    i think there’s a message in the video….*sarcasm*

  • http://sjsu.edu davidR

    wow, kno made that beat? kno makes the dopest beats. try and find his excrementals 1-5

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/officerbarbrady what

    Hahaha these covers are hilarious… love how along with all the random players like Pryzbilla and Jarron Collins is Marbury on every cover


    I think the message in the video is pretty obviously racism, not sarcasm. Why don’t you take on the Asians next.

  • Teddy-the-Bear

    Hahahahaha Sacto/Minny finals. Nice one.
    Woody is an idiot.

  • LB

    What’s sad is that you guys once gave Darius Miles some serious cover love

  • karan

    i love how there is a marbury mention regardless of everything else!

  • http://nbadraftscouts.com Tyler Whitcomb

    The Covers are pretty cool! The Blake Griffin cover with different content could actually be a cover. I will check back each month to see other mock covers, unless I see another Video like this posted. I seriously own every Slam magazine and I’m a huge fan of Slam and of Lang Whitaker’s work. However, this was a very poor choice of a Slam editor to post this video. Has Ryne seen this?

  • larrylegend

    GREAT!!! but compared to joey, dick is a church boy.

  • http://www.alllooksame.com Tarzan Cooper

    And in case you’re dumb and you had any doubts about LeBron’s strength, consider the play last night where Bron drove into Dwight Howard and they collided in mid-air for Howard’s sixth foul. Howard flew back about five feet on that play. Yes, Bron had a head of steam going, but if I ran into Dwight Howard going full speed, I’m pretty sure I’d hit the deck and Dwight wouldn’t move. LeBron went through Dwight Howard like he was Shawn Bradley……………………………… lang, dwight was also in the air, he jumped straight up, so it should have been an offensive foul on lebronze.

  • http://www.alllooksame.com Tarzan Cooper

    dating tips from dirk

  • nick

    1. Love that parody. I think it’s telling that the white guy from cunninlynguists+autotuner=exactly the same sound as kanye west.

    2. The last cover hurts my soul a little bit.

  • http://slamonline.com Ben Osborne

    Lang + Melissa: VERY funny!

  • http://www.another48minutes.blogspot.com Gerard Himself

    these parody covers are hilarious! The Dickie B. is an instant classic to me, hahahahahahaha

  • http://www.another48minutes.blogspot.com Gerard Himself

    watching it again, Marbury is the only player to be “in it” every time hahahaha

  • http://Nicekicks.com MeloMan22

    u guys take things wayyyy to seriously. i’m half white and i thought the video was dope.
    annnd the covers are F’in amazing. i actually lol’ed. we need more of those

  • http://Nicekicks.com MeloMan22

    and i just booked the amaal magloire thing..
    being a canadian i don’t know whether to defend my honour or admit the brilliance in that

  • Flight

    Haha thats a beak to Marbury being on every mock cover.

  • kwame


  • http://twitter.com JuRo

    Can Dwight Howard get the next REAL Cover. Who else can it be? Kobe/Lakers? How many covers can he get in 1 season? 4 would be too many (season preview, 126, 129, and this would make it 4). No!!! DH and the Magic earned theirs!!!!!

  • ab_40

    ey y’alls is evil man haha

  • Alabama

    Hilarious video.

    Be some serious backlash if something equivalent was done about black folks…think about that for a minute.

  • bielasiak33

    I like how Starbury is on all three covers.

    Griff is the best, followed closely by Bavetta, but the Oden + Yao one was just too easy.

  • http://www.slamonline.com/online/category/blogs/fear/ Freedom Fries

    Lang, I love Madea like anyone, but what’s Tyler Perry doing on the cover ?

  • Blue

    @ Freedom Fries: LMAO!! You win!!

  • Frank

    “Be some serious backlash if something equivalent was done about black folks.”

    This would only work if that “something equivalent” was made a black dude, since this was made by a white dude. In which case, nobody would give a sh*t because black comics do it all the time.

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  • http://slamonline.com Konate

    i’m about 2hrs and 80 comments late but AMAZING!

  • http://trulyhoops.blogspot.com C Pete

    haha, I love the “dating tips by dirk Nowitzki”

  • http://blurain420@yahoo.com Scott Carter

    Haha the Blake Griffin ones funny.