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Thursday, March 10th, 2011 at 4:21 pm  |  54 responses

Links: Embarrass Yourself

Epic fails FTW…

by Lang Whitaker | @langwhitaker

Spent the last few days on the road doing interviews and a book signing to try and sell some books. (BTW, shouts to the Wall Street Journal for the terrific review earlier this week.)

The other day while I was killing time in the airport, I came across a travel magazine that had asked its readers to send in their most embarrassing travel stories. The reader who’d submitted the most embarrassing story won a free trip. It was fun to read the stories, and it reminded me of a few years ago when I ran a similar contest here on The Links, where I asked you guys to email in your most embarrassing basketball stories.

But mostly it reminded me that we should probably do it again. We’ve all had experiences where we’re playing ball, either with friends or in front of people or even alone, where we something happened that we wish hadn’t happened. When we did this last time, I gave the example of the city championship game I played in when I was in 11th grade. The gym was packed, and I checked in and promptly tripped on my own feet and bit it while trying to grab a rebound.

This morning Ryne and Tzvi were watching this Youtube video…

That clip reminded me of back when I was in high school, during my junior year. The church my family attended had a big gym/fitness facility that a lot of people in the community used, and I had a part-time job working there. During the school year I mostly worked on Saturdays, helping organize and run the recreational basketball leagues for little kids up through high schoolers (making sure we had scorekeepers, refs, etc.). I couldn’t work much during the week because I had school and basketball practice, but I’d stay all day every Saturday and would be the last person to leave the building. I needed to have some sort of a job so I could have a little spending money, but really, the best thing about the job was that I got a set of keys to the building. So I could come to the cavernous gym whenever, crank up the sound system, and have an entire basketball court (with glass baskets and breakaway rims) to myself.

One day my boss told me that the gym floor was going to be refinished, and he needed me to get all the tape up off the court. (Rewind a bit: For the younger kids games on Saturdays, we would have two games going at the same time, side-to-side on movable baskets, and we had those smaller courts marked off on the floor with multicolored tape.) So after we finished our Saturday schedule of games, I’d have to lock up the building and then get to work pulling up the tape and have it all done by Sunday morning, so the guys from the refinishers could come in and get to work.

That tape had been on the court for a year, and it had absorbed so much pounding and abuse that as soon as I started to try and pull it up, I realized there was no way I was going to be able to do this job by hand. I went around to one of the janitor’s supply closets and found a pair of latex gloves, a couple of metal scrapers and a box of cans of Goof Off. I went over and flipped on the stereo system and went to work.

It was intensive labor. I dropped to my knees and slowly edged my way around the court, pouring on the Goof Off, waiting for it to soak into the tape and eat through the adhesive, then scraping up every bit of the tape, then picking up every scrap that remained.

After a few hours I looked up and realized I wasn’t even halfway finished; I’d be lucky if I was finished before midnight. At least I was getting paid by the hour.

I stood and stretched my legs. While I waited for the Goof Off to work its magic on the next few feet of tape, I went to the other end and shot some jumpers. Maybe it was the fumes or maybe I was just getting stir crazy, I’m not sure, but I decided I needed to see what it was like to dunk on a breakaway rim. I could jump and touch the rim, but to really throw it down I would need some help. I walked around to the edge of the court and pulled out a metal folding chair and set it a few feet in front of the rim on an angle, so I could come in from the wing as if I was on the break. I did a few slow-mo walk-throughs, trying to make sure I had the spacing correct. Finally, I backed way up, took a few dribbles, then took off on a sprint toward the chair.

As it turned out, I had gauged the spacing perfectly. What I had managed not to consider was that a metal folding chair probably wasn’t the sturdiest device from which to launch myself. As I planted my right foot on the seat of the chair, my moving body mass immediately transferred to the chair. What was formerly in motion was now moving, and suddenly I was awkwardly surfing across the basketball court, one-footed, atop a metal folding chair. Together we slid under the rim and out of bounds, where the chair slid into some tape I had not yet removed and came to an abrupt stop. At which point our combined inertia left the chair and transferred wholly back into my body. I launched into the air and sailed, feet-first, maybe three feet. I landed hard, flat on my back, about two feet shy of a bank of metal bleachers that were pushed against the baseline wall. Somehow I was still clinging to the basketball.

I laid there for a few seconds, wrapping my brain around what had happened, then slowly starting working my way through my body parts, making sure everything was still working. I wasn’t in any serious pain, and luckily nothing was broken. I’d come pretty close to landing on my neck, which could have been disastrous, not to mention what might have happened if I broke a leg or arm or something and was stuck out there on the middle of a basketball court all alone without a phone or anything within reach.

Eventually I got up, put the chair away, and went back to work. I suppose it was a situation that could have been terrible. But now, in retrospect, even I can admit that it must have looked pretty hilarious.

That’s the kind of embarrassing moment we’re looking for. Now, in the comments, tell me your most embarrassing hoops epic fail. Oh, and how’s this: For the best story, I’ll kick in a size XL Li-Ning Baron Davis Beardman varsity jacket. Li Ning gave it to me a while back, and I tried it on but found it too snug, so it’s never been worn, but it is really dope.

You’ve got until Monday at noon, and the winner will be whatever story makes me laugh the most.

Now go at it, embarrass yourself…

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  • ionmic

    When i was 13 our basketball coach was a fairly attractive 18 year old girl that of course generated a fair amount of interest amongst us boys. Any way one day at training she called us all over to discuss something and as we walked towards her she asked the kid who had the ball to pass it to her. As he passed it to her another kid on the team decided to be a clown and intercept the pass. As he caught the ball he let out the greatest freudian slip of all time yells out in a loud voice “INTERCOURSE!!!!!” which in our pubescent states and in the company of an older attractive girl was hilarious. The best part was he had absolutely NO idea what he had said and didnt understand how someone yelling ‘intercept’ and stealing the ball could be in any way funny until our coach proceeded to tell him what he really said…..

  • James

    I’m from Florida but back when I was in high school my school got invited up to a tourney in NY where there would be 16 teams from around the country competing. Each school brought between 30 and 40 fans with them and it was a relatively small gym so the place felt packed and the energy was high. I was a senior and had just figured out that on my best jump maybe one out of every ten tries I could dunk. So we were in the fourth quarter of a close game that would ultimately determine wether we would qualify for tier one and have a shot at the championship or lose and go to tier two where the best we could finish would be 5th. My coach and I were about as close as Lebron James and your current Cavs fan but i was a good enough shooter that it didnt usually matter. So with one minute left down by three i was put into to take the game tying three which I hit. I stole a pass on the next play and was running down the court on the break to take a two point lead. As i was running i thought to myself “i am going to take the lead and we are going to win!” when i got to the basket I was met by the pg of the other team who was a little guy to begin with and as i jumped he must have bent down bc when i looked down he looked like he was a million miles below me so i thought to myself “i must be flying! i’m going to take the lead on a dunk!’ cue chariots of fire playing in my mind and everything moving in slow-mo. so i changed my hand from under the ball for a lay up to on top of the ball for a spike. As it turns out I was no where near the rim and had barely even reached the back board. As a result i couldnt stop the downward momentum of my arm and i wound up slamming the ball hard enough into the ground i didnt think it would bounce back up, and falling over and sliding into the camera man who sitting at the baseline and taking out his tripod. The other team got the ball and scored at the buzzer and we lost. I still never hear the end of it. Please make it worth it!

  • http://slamonline.com Lang Whitaker

    Two awesome ones so far…

  • SK6

    When I was in grade nine we put up a rim on my garage – it was 9 1/2 feet. We were just a half inch from being able to dunk. My friends and I decided what if we put a cinder block just in front of the rim and give us that extra bit of vertical that we needed. It worked great we were doing a number of high flying dunks within a couple of minutes. One of my friends really enjoyed the ability to dunk and tried to run faster and jump higher on every turn. Then it happened he missed timed his step and tripped on the block and drove his face right into the wooden garage door; breaking his nose and putting a hole in the door. After we cleaned up the blood and called his Mom; that is when my Dad got home and I had to explain why there was a hole in the garage door. Man you try some stupid things when you are young and invincible.

  • http://www.slamonline.com Mojtaba Reza

    A couple a years ago me and my friends after basketball practice in school decided to do mix video of dunks…. we didn’t even get further than one dunk and it was all because of this… btw the basket wat on 8 feet so not even a normal height because that’s the only thing we could dunk on, my friend was at the time around 6’1 or 6’2 and at the time we were like 14 maybe 15.. anyway we put it on youtube, here it is.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWdZwKVzMFY

  • logues

    it was in like 5th or 6th grade and we were having practice. doing some drill, i have no idea which one, i went up for a layup and the kid guarding me was trailing me and somehow not purposely he managed to pull my shorts down almost to my ankles so when i came down my balls were just flopping around and i started laughing so hard and just fell into a pile of coats and clothes that were sitting on the sideline

  • http://slamonline.com Allenp

    Once, during youth ball, we were doing baseline slides. I was tired of doing it and I had the bubbly guts because I needed to take a dump. So, at one corner, I stomped my foot really bad to express my disgust. Unfortunately, that also loosened my sphincter and I let out a massive fart that the entire gym could hear because it was so quiet. They all thought I had stomped to hide the fart and teased me about it for the rest of the season.

  • logues

    stomped to hide the fart. haha thats awesome. classic

  • http://google c_cantrell

    My high school team and our high school did alot of work and advertising our senior homecoming game in hopes of getting so many people to come, that the gym would be unable to fit everyone. We worked so hard at this because our school board voted that if we could fill up the entire gym and absolutely no room at all that then, and only then, would they allow the athletic department to purchase a new bigger gym. Well we pulled it off and completely packed the gym out before our game even started. I was a nervous wreck in the locker room because i was afraid to let the crowd down as we had promised everyone a win, before running out my coach grabbed me and told me to turn my warm up shirt around right, for i had it on backwards without even realizing it. Well by the end of the first quarter, everyone had already realized that i had my shorts on backwards and i was drawing laughs from my fellow players, the crowds, the other players, and even the coach of the other team. After our quarter end talk I did not have enough time to fix my shorts because the refs called us back rather quickly. A minute into the second quarter my coach called a 60 second timeout so i took the quick oppurtunity to switch my shorts around. I had pulled my shorts completely off before i realized that i must have been so nervous, that i forgot to put my sliders on under my shorts. So the entire, packed out crowd that were responsible for the school getting a new gym all got to witness the flashing of my dong.

  • woops

    I was in basketball camp during the summer with all the other high schoolers that wanted to try out for the team. We were doing a simple full court drill, 3 people at a time, where everyone does a jump stop at the end and then runs to the back of the line. I’m running with 2 other guys, with about 20 other guys waiting and watching us as we do the drills, and I go for the jump stop. PLOP! I had too much momentum and fell face forward from the jump stop. I never got up from falling down faster in my life.

    TLDR: i fell face first on a jump stop in front of a bunch of my peers.

  • DH2205

    I know this is called “Embarrass Yourself”, but I gotta let ya’ll hear this real quick, because I know the dude that this happened to will probably never be seen within 100ft of a basketball again… We had a summer league game before my 10th grade year and we had just finished pool play, so this was the first game of the tournament. I was watching from the sidelines because we played next and these two had been going at each other the whole game (I mean verbally, because there was an obvious mismatch in talent). Late in the third quarter the better player was bringing the ball up the court, talkin the whole time, when all of a sudden he put two quick crossovers on poor guy guarding the ball and dropped em. He waited for the guy to recover (still talkin), wrapped the ball around his head and dropped it, when the dude turned around to pick up the ball, the better player pulled his shorts down and shoved him, so that he tripped and fell on his stomach… He was layin there for like 20 seconds in his tighty-whities while the whole gym was laughing uncontrollably. Pete (the better player) got a tech and was kicked out of the tournament, but it was worth it for that IMO…

  • http://Slamonline.com Caboose

    On my middle school basketball team, there was one player who was pretty hefty. He was somewhere around the orange Monstar from Space Jam without the muscles. Anyways, after practice we went in to the P.E. equipment shed and found a mini trampoline and a high jump bar (like the ones for track and field events). We all took turn using the trampoline to see how high we could jump over the bar and still make a layup (the whole team was white kids, no dunking). Some of us got pretty high then the big kid decided he wanted to try. Well, some kids laughed but I gave him the ball and said go for it. Things started off odd, he jumped off of both feet and planned on landing with both feet on the trampoline. Unfortunately, two springs from the trampoline broke, giving him an awkward jump. This made him hit the bar, knocking it off it’s stands. He then proceeded to fling the ball up in the air as he came crashing down on the bar. We all heard a loud snap as the bar split in two, followed by a dull thunk as the ball fell down on his face. To add insult to injury, he had to pay $300 to replace the trampoline and bar.

  • matt

    Hell, I was at Highschool and we were wagging at the basketball courts infront of our teachers class and we thought we wouldnt get caught then one of the goodiegood narks in the class told the teacher so we grabbed all our stuff getting ready to run off and i thought id be the man and grab the hoop when running off but it had been raining earlier and i slipped and fell straight on my ass back infront of my mates , teacher and the whole class watching the teacher come get us(i got busted) they didnt till next class…. Shame

  • DD94

    WHEN I WAS IN 8 TH GRADE I WENT TO THE PARK LIKE I USUALLY DID EVERYDAY. IT WAS DURING THE SUMMER AND AT THE PARK WAS A KID WHO I NEVER KNEW AND WE PLAYED A COUPLE OF GAMES OF ONE ON ONE AND 21. IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD PEOPLE CHOSE TO VANDALIZE EVERYTHING EVEN THE BATHROOMS. SO THE BATHROOMS WERE PERMANENTLY LOCKED AT THE PARK MEANING YOU WOULD HAVE TO RUN BACK HOME IF YOU NEEDED TO GO. I HAD ATE A PB AND J SANDWICH WITH A HUGE GLASS OF MILK BEFORE I WENT TO THE PARK BUT DIDN’T EXPECT IT TO BE A PROBLEM. NOT UNTIL MY STOMACH FELT LIKE A SLUG WAS INSIDE IT TRYING TO FIND ITS WAY OUT. MY NEW FRIEND LAUGHED AT THE SOUNDS MY STOMACH MADE AND I TOLD HIM ID BE BACK IN A MINUTE. I TOOK OFF RUNNING HOME BUT IN AN AWKWARD POSITION BECAUSE I DIDST WANT ANYTHING TO COME LOSE. UNFORTUNATELY I DIDN’T MAKE IT … I STUMBLED INTO SOME BUSHES JUST FEET FROM MY HOUSE AND UNLOADED THE MOST EMBARRASSING DEUCE OF MY LIFE. SO MANY CARS PASSED BY AND STOPPED WANDERING WHAT I WAS DOING I EVEN SAW KIDS THAT WENT TO MY SCHOOL AND LIVED IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD IN THE CAR LAUGHING AT ME. SINCE THAT DAY IVE NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH MILK BEFORE I GO TO THE PARK EVEN WITH A BATHROOM THERE.

  • http://www.fiba.com Darksaber

    Man, i don’t like reliving this one;
    When i was in my 20′s, my team had a serious rivalry back in Switzerland with a neigbouring city. Games were always rough and a trash talk fest. I was our 2nd best scorer, best perimiter defender and could jump outta the gym so i always got extra hyped for this team.
    In the 1st playoff round, we met them and the game was super intense.
    Their best player was lighting us up and i was shooting badly, so i switched onto him to get my game going with D (a tactic i still use today).
    Well that SOB was feeling it baaad that night and lit me up too, never let me forget who was owning me too. I got so into the act of trying to stop him, i completely zoned out and made it a mano-a-mano thing.
    By the 4th quarter i was in a frenzied state and fouled him hard, so coach pulled me and on my way to the bench i started yapping at the guy lighting me up. Screaming even.
    I remember telling him to look at the scoreboard and shut his trap because it read: HOME 74 AWAY 60. (We were playing at hom)
    As i sat down, my teammates tried urgently to shush me, and i got even angrier, pointing at the scoreboard and yapping at dude.
    That’s when he ran by after his freethrows and said to me “score’s switched around, idiot; we are kicking your butts. Now shut up and sit there like a good boy.”
    My teammates looked at me and could barely hold back their laughter.
    I have never experienced more shame on the bball court than that day.

  • http://slamonline.com tealish

    Dark…that is possibly as bad as it gets.

  • shu

    “intercourse!!” ftw!

  • T-Money

    wow DS, i feel your pain bro. lol

  • http://www.triplejunearthed.com/dacre Dacre

    My tale is bitter sweet Lang—-
    In Australia we have a range of divisional competitions and grades for players either in their final years of highschool or a year or two out depending on age. I played in these grades all the way through up until I was 23 and had some great times. I was regularly the 6th man off the bench. It was a great role – 1st sub in. You had a chance to alter the game and change the momentum of things. I was often called ‘a super sub’ but that wasn’t the nice name that stuck…
    The last year I played (2003) through these grades (the Australian Junior League) we had a team decimated by injuries, we had uniforms stolen, we felt like a bunch of misfits and we played like it. The last game of the season (we were 3-16) we had 6 players and we couldn’t wait for it to be over. With our uniforms stolen and no funds from the admin level until the following season we had to make do with uniforms, the ruling was that they needed to be the same and everyone had gotten into the habit of bringing a yellow jersey – We were the Port Macquarie Dolphins (striking fear into the hearts of all comers…), yellow and blue colour way… I was running late for our last game and forgot my jersey. Getting to the stadium the game was going and to ‘teach a lesson’ my coach was not going to put me in. Not even to rest the starters!? Lo and behold, late in the game 2 minutes to go in fact our SG gets fouled out…I get called to go in… MY JERSEY! I didn’t even let coach know about it – I had forgotten because I was angry when he said I wouldn’t get a run at the start of the game…
    so… i rushed away from the bench the girls had finished their game and i borrowed a GIRLS jersey… NOW you can tell girls jerseys because they have the tapered support for the chest and the different neck line…
    everyone knew i had a girls jersey….
    I get in the game.
    First touch of the ball. I fake a pass right and drive to the hoop – fresh body on the court… (and showing some nice leg to boot) I score the basket and instigate the full court D that turns the game and we win by 3.. I get a huge cheer…

    I find out after the game… everyone thought a girl sub won the game for the boys…(my real name is Luke..)
    My nice name after that became Lucy.
    Please let me have the jacket to cover my shame.
    PS.
    Womens jerseys are more comfortable….

  • http://www.fiba.com Darksaber

    Tealish & T-money: yeah, my best friends still bring that one up to this day.

  • http://www.fiba.com Darksaber

    Also, Dacre can tell a story. Funny ish, Luke.

  • pl

    this guy could play, only about 5’9 but used to play at SFU (Canadian uni).

    funny we were both on a team recently with King Handles (remember Notic? the crew that motion captured NBA Street) that absolutely ran through this tournament full of university-type squads.

  • Bature

    waayy back, a lil’ background Info; my highschool day started at 8am and ended at 5pm with the so-called “long break” at noon. we had a buttoned-up shirt and long blue trousers(pants) as uniforms, one playground that was simultaneously the only bball court for a school of over 400 kids(lagos, nigeria, go figure). the 3-on-3 pick-ups during the long breaks were heated and watched by almost all(mostly from windows all around the court). long story cut short, i get the ball, drive for a lay-up and get clobbered on the way up, so badly that i lose my balance mid-air and almost do a full-split in the air. i completely rip my trousers from the zipper in front, all the way underneath, to the back (butt region) and down both inner leg-sides.
    as mentioned long breaks were at noon and so i still had classes till 5pm. there was no way covering up the gapping rip in my trousers and worse still everyone had witnessed me tearing them up. the phrase a**ed-out comes to mind.
    think about it,after that i had a 2-hour public transport bus journey home in the same pants in a megacity with over 13 million people…

  • http://www.fiba.com Darksaber

    Naija in the hooouse.
    Great hearing bball stories from Lagos, the old stomping grounds.

  • http://www.slamonline.com James the Balla

    I was 15, playing streetball outside of my house with all my boys, late September/early October in Canada so it was cold in the evenings. It just so happened that some very cute girls were watching us play basketball, they were sitting on the curb enjoying the show. We decided to drop the net to 9 and a half feet and start showing off with some dunks. My boy wanted me to dunk and hang on the rim like McNasty from rucker. So I lined the dunk up, ran, took off, pulled the ball behind my head, slammed the ball through the mesh, hung on the rim, closed my eyes and screamed my manly 15 year old voice. At that moment my shorts were pulled down to reveal my Pepe’ Le Pew boxers (and also my white pasty chicken legs). hanging from the rim, unable to jump down because my shorts were caught on my feet and my feet were too close together; another one of my boys decides it would be even funnier to pull down my boxers, in which case this day I didn’t wear two pairs. Me, hanging on the rim, pecker hanging out in the brisk evening of Nova Scotia weather, laid out for any neighbors, friends or cute girls I was trying to get some play from to see. It’s hard to be mad at people when you are on stage for the world to see you more shriveled up then Mickey Rooney in a snow ball fight eating ice cream. In the end, no play from the girls and roughly 6 months to get my dignity back at Junior high school I went too.

  • Bature

    @darksaber-abeg bros, make una leave dem jooo, dem neva halla.
    naija 4 life!

  • Bature

    @Darksaber-abeg make una leave dem joooo, dem neva halla!
    Naija 4 life!

  • Chris

    It was April of 1993 and my team was in the championship game. We trailed by two late in the game but we managed to get possession with about 11 seconds left. Unfortunately, I called a time out when we no longer had any, resulting in a technical foul. We went on to lose the game.

  • thalilbigkahuna

    When I was in tenth grade I got to play in my first Varsity basketball game. The game was against our cross-town rivals, and I was nervous and excited. I got subbed in at point guard in between free throws for the other team. On the ensuing shot, the player missed and my team secured the rebound and passed the ball to me so that I could bring it up the court. As the opposing point guard back-pedaled down the court, he held up three fingers and said, “Three, Two.” He was calling their defense (a 3-2 zone), but to my nervous mind he was obviously counting down the time left on the clock. I took one dribble and inexplicably launched a shot from about ten feet behind half court. The shot sailed toward the basket, over everyone’s heads, and out of bounds. Everyone, including the crowd and players looked around, perplexed. I looked up at the clock to see that there were still over 3 minutes remaining in the quarter. Suffice to say, I was quickly subbed out after this, extremely embarrassed and eager for a chance to redeem myself. I didn’t get the chance that night, but this will always be a memory that I look back at and smile about.

  • http://slamonline.com Allenp

    James wins sorry Dark.

  • thalilbigkahuna

    I have another one. Again, I was in the tenth grade (can you tell this was an awesome year for me?) and I went to watch my younger brother, who was in 3rd grade at the time, play in a tournament. When we got to the gym I sat in the bleachers and watched my brother’s team warm up. However, as it got closer to game-time the refs had still not shown up and it appeared as though they might not show at all. They did not, and the tournament coordinator asked one of my high school teammates and me to officiate the game. I had never been a referee before, but I figured it couldn’t be too difficult, so I agreed. I am sure that in the next forty-odd minutes I proceeded to do some of the worst officiating in the history of humanity, but the defining moment of this experience came early in the game. One of the coaches called a time-out, and I began walking around the court making the “T” sign with my hands and saying, “Timeout. Timeout.” The coach looked at me like I was crazy and yelled, “BLOW YOUR WHISTLE!” I remembered the shiny object hanging around my neck, awarded him a time-out, and didn’t take the whistle out of my mouth for the rest of game. I have never refereed another game, and I don’t intend to anytime soon.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6-za7Hb6NM SMK73

    @Chris at 12:49 – I see what you did there. Subtle.

  • http://slamonline.com Ghost

    It was 1989, my legs were short, my arms were long.
    Caught somewhere between a boy and a man.
    He was seventeen and he was far from in-between.
    It was wintertime in Southern Ontario.
    Splashing through the lane, soaring by the defender.
    It’s the simple things in life like when and where.
    We didn’t have no internet, thank God because I really need to forget.
    The way that assh*le dunked on me.
    And we were trying different things, we were touching funny things.
    Making bricks out by the three point line to our favourite song.
    Sipping water out the bottle, not thinking ’bout tomorrow.
    Singing ‘When’s this game going to end?’ all night long.
    Singing ‘When’s this game going to end?’ all night long.

  • LiNingUSA

    Hey Lang, Love the idea of giving away the BD varsity jacket, we’re sending you a replacement in a 2XL for you to try instead so keep an eye out for that. How would you feel about us sending a BD toy for the runner up?

  • http://www.twitter.com/olearychris Chris O’Leary

    The BD toy is gangster!

  • Thunder Dan

    This contest is perfect for me! This season in Phy. D. (physical development aka offseason training) we were doing a drill in which you have to sprint to every rim (we have 6 in one vertical court and two parallel horizontal courts that overlap the main court) and lay the ball up. But I was feeling confident, or more likely stupid, so I started dunking on each rim. Then I threw down a two handed slam on a breakaway rim. Feeling even more confident (read: more stupid), I tried it again… on a rim that doesn’t break away. Not strong enough to hold on to the rim, my momentum flung me forward and off into nothingness. As I entered bullet time, I began to contemplate my decision and eventually decided it was a bad one; then I hit the floor on my wrists, both of which snapped. For the rest of the season my nickname and role call was “Look Ma! No Hands!”… Epic fail

  • Jake

    First off, jamestheballa, where are you from in nova scotia?? Halifax for me.

    The most embarrassing basketball story I’ve got took place during my senior year of high school. It was the season opener against one of our biggest rivals , Hodgdon academy. The opposing pg and I had come close to fisticuffs many times, and we generally spent the entire game talking about each others mothers and sisters….no love lost. Antways, with 8-900 people in a gym and music playing you couldn’t hear much. On this particular play though, the gym went dead silent just as I could be heard saying “**** your mother!” at the top of my lungs. The crowd gasped, I was suspended a game for insulting the opposing coaches wife and had to formally apologize to her.

  • asgf

    Not a winner but there was i time i showed up to tryouts.. In timberlands. The tyout dident go that well eaither. I made t othe next one and they told us that they couldent find a coach for our team.

  • Mike From Spain

    My story was that when I was like 12, I used to play in a school league, we did not even make it past from the district league to the city-wide league. I got my jersey and the first time I washed it I figured I should iron it. I did and made a big burnt hole in it , and it turned out that the team did not have neither the money nor the inclination to give me a new jersey. So I had to play with this terrible mess of a jersey, shame…

  • http://slamonline.com Allenp

    I can’t even discuss the horror of my ne attempt at officiating.

  • http://www.slamonline.com Lang Whitaker

    @LiNingUSA Hey, anything you guys (or Baron) wants to kick in, we’re all for it. And looking forward to getting a jacket I can wear!

  • http://www.wfp.org/ Felix

    some good stories here. great idea Lang. have a few of these myself but I’m not gonna share lol

  • blakos

    Lol at the Pepe’ Le Pew boxers!

  • BroD

    Not much of a story but last November in Intermediate basketball class I gave myself a spiral fracture of the 5th metatarsal by not landing flat on my right foot and rolling it under me. Nobody around me, just a routine rebound gone wrong. Jumped up, came down wrong and boom, first broken bone in my life. Sucks, I was just finally getting into basketball shape too.

  • S dot.

    During my senior year of High School me and my buddies used to ditch school to go play basketball. We would go all over the place to play basketball. We were like the Harlem Globetrotters! Except we weren’t from Harlem, we didn’t trot the globe, more like what was within a 20 mile radius hoppers, and we never played the Washington Generals. On one of our trips we went to a community gym. It was exciting because we had always played at the schoolyard or playgrounds but now we were in a gym with glass backboards and breakaway rims!

    Usually there would only be three or four of us that would dare play hooky but this time we were able to get five of us to make the trip. We walk in and there was a game already going on. We said that we got five and we got next. When its our turn to play we stared at the misfits who won in the previous game. They didn’t look a great collection. They stood out even more because they had this girl on their team who was about 5′ 2″. We exchange greetings when the girl says, “I got the little one” and points at me. Now I don’t really think that being 5’10″ as being short but I guess compared to all my friends who were each above six feet, I guess I was. I just laughed it off. I had it in my mind that this was going to be real easy.

    We start the game and right away they go to the girl. I didn’t take her seriously at all, so when she got the ball I backed off and she hits a lucky three. I laugh as I head back to the other end on offense. Next possession, they give her the ball again, once again I back off and she hits another. She would go on to hit another and another and another. Five in a row. And we were trailing five nothing real quickly. My friends are furious and amused at the same time because we are losing and I’m getting destroyed by this girl. I tell them I want the ball. I was going to teach this girl a lesson. I tried to put the ball between her legs but it bounces off her foot and she steals and takes it for a breakaway lay up. Six-nothing.

    I can’t believe it. I’m no defensive stopper but this was ridiculous. Me and my friends were yelling at each other over the deficit. They asked me if I want to switch. I tell them hell no. I decide to get serious. Next time I get the ball, I pull of my best Shaq impression and back her all the way down for an easy layup. The rest of the way I would post her up and shut her down. We would win 11-7 with seven of those eleven coming from me scoring from posting up.

    We got the win but the damage was done. Everybody was clowning me for getting shredded by the girl. And they were especially making fun of me for posting her up and using my size instead of going at her straight up. I became the biggest joke on this day at the gym.

  • http://slamonline.com Allenp

    I would have posted her up too… Aint’ no shame in my game. Lol.

  • JL

    This happened just this last week, although it wasn’t to me. There’s the guy we play ball with and normally everyone wears shorts unless it’s freezing cold, but this is indoors, so usually it’s shorts. Now he had some tearaways on that night cuz he forgot his shorts. I just thought he looked like he forgot to take off his warmups and thought nothing of it.

    In one of the games we played the ball was already down the court and he was trailing a bit around midcourt. All of a sudden as he was running, he somehow stepped on his own pants and it tore away, he slipped on the pants, and ended up seated on his bottoms with his tshirt on top and boxers on the bottom(and thankfully nothing else). The whole gym cracked up laughing and that is my hilarious moment.

  • http://www.triplejunearthed.com/dacre Dacre

    S Dot – the Girls name was ‘Lucy’?

  • S dot.

    @Allenp Yeah, you got to take advantage of your advantages.
    @Dacre Good grief, Lol I actually don’t remember her name.

  • http://slamonline.com dumb

    so this wasn’t me, but about some other guy.
    it was the JV game and us varsity guys were watching the game. one of our guys kinda leaked out to get a layup, the ball was thrown to him and he jumped to take the layup. a guy from the other team (about 5’11″) jumped with him and he just fell down with the ball. it was the funniest thing ever. we made fun of him.

    Brick Squad.

  • Who won?

  • Louie

    I remeber my freshmen year in highschool at tryouts we were running a drill the coach had promised me a spot on Varsity so i decided to get fancy to show off as i bring the ball up court to pass to the next person in line i throw a behind the back pass that finds its way into my coaches face safe to say i ended up Playing JV that year

  • http://www.google.com/news BETCATS

    I was butta$$ neked and these aliens were probing me in their spaceship. I shut my eyes and pretended I was somewhere else to escape the pain and reality that E.T. was all up in my butthole. Suddenly I was on a basketball court. I was playing 1 on 2 against Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo and G Baby from Hardball; the goal was 17 feet tall for some reason. It was the first play of the game and I had the ball. I wanted to set the tone, so I knew I had to dunk it. G Baby was guarding me on the perimeter, but I just breezed by him; it was time to climb Mount Mutombo. I jumped from about the free throw line and all Dikembe could do was watch. BUT I had jumped too high! I flew over the top of the backboard with the ball still in my hand and kept on going. I looked back and saw Dikembe wagging his finger at me as i helplessly floated away into the atmosphere. I went on and on clutching the basketball for what seemed like forever until an alien spaceship abducted me and they chained me to a table. It was at this point I woke up, in my own bed, but with a butthole the size of a watermelon and a basketball on my pillow.

  • Holy Baller

    When I was in 7th grade, I was always the 6th man on the basketball team. But for the last game of the season against our bitter rivals, one of the starters had a broken finger and couldn’t play, so I started. After the first half, I had a total of two rebounds and nothing else. I had played like crap and we were losing. Coach gave us one of the most inspirational speeches at halftime that I have ever heard, and everyone ran out on to the court to warm up, rejuvenated and ready to win the game.

    Except me. I was still pissed, so I sulked and walked out on to the court. While we were doing layup lines, two balls managed to get stuck in the net at the same time. As no one had athletic ability whatsoever, I was going to throw my ball and knock the others out. I was still pissed so I mustered all my energy and threw a baseball-laser pass at the net. And I missed. Some dude was in the stands reading a newspaper and drinking some coffee (seriously, who does either of those things at a basketball game?) and the ball flew and hit the newspaper, hit his face, knocked him over and spilled his coffee all over him. And everyone in the entire gym saw, including my teammates, parents, and coach. I had a worse second half than the first, and we lost. Lol.

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