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Friday, November 30th, 2007 at 1:39 pm  |  15 responses

College Relevancy Radar

Pellets, Mike Beasley and week-old Black Friday jokes.

by Ben Collins

We know how you feel around this time of year. We’ve had the feeling too.

“It’s November. Should I watch this Gonzaga-St. Joes highlight or read about Paris Hilton disbelieving the existence of elephant drunkenness for the third time? She can’t possibly believe that. She can get drunk and she’s about two steps away from elephants on the evolutionary chart. Must re-read.”

So you read the Paris Hilton article. Or you set your hair on fire. Even that seems more pressing than low top-25 teams taking care of washed-up mid-majors in the most business-like of fashions.

So this may be a solution. We’ve come up with a College Relevancy Radar of NCAA hoops stories that barrow into the public consciousness against your will. Even in November.

It’s a mix between straight rankings and almost-annoying snark. The higher the ranking, the more likely you are to sneak onto a sports page in a totally culturally acceptable fashion. The closer you are to zero, your whole being is essentially useless to our planet. Let’s make this clear: it has nothing to do with wins and losses, sometimes nothing to do with stats. Just remain on our minds and you win.

And since WordPress doesn’t have a plug-in for one of these yet (what are the odds!), we’ll just have to deal with these tables with which we are becoming all to familiar. It’s fair to say we’re dating at this point.
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  • http://why-bother-reading.blogspot.com/ H to the izzo

    Didn’t Bob Knight essentially have his goodbye part last year?He sung “My Way” and everything but kept coaching.

  • http://whitehoteboysworld.blogspot.com white hot eboy

    Gullet. Love it. Good sh*t, Ben.

  • http://why-bother-reading.blogspot.com/ H to the izzo

    That Ohio State guy Jon Deibler is somewhere around 36%,had his coming out party against UNC even managed to dunk on someone but he has an amazing unlikeableness about him,how he isn’t playing for Duke amazes me

  • Jared

    what makes college basketball less relevant than the NBA?

  • http://slamonline.com Ben Osborne

    Yeah Ben Collins! Welcome back. You know I’ll be looking forward to more of these. Incidentally, I sent an email last night to a number of hoop-loving fans. There was no body of the email, just a title: MIKE BEASLEY IS OUTRAGEOUS. Last night was my first night with NFL Network (ComCast hooked up the sweet 6-month package for that, FSC, Gol, and a bunch of fox college channels) and I still couldn’t tear myself away from good ol ESPN2 during the KSU-Oregon game. Beasley will do that to you.

  • hey

    racist

  • MoYooBuIuGuuPvEvNvIvS

    what about shady arthur? he could do what beasley does if his team sucked.

  • mitch36

    how about some love for michigan state!!!!
    we in the IZZONE!1

  • http://sdfjkl.com Jukai

    wh.. was there a two girls, one cup reference in there?

  • http://sdfjkl.com Jukai

    Also, I dont think any of these freshmen will be as good as Durant or Oden will be… but man, there are a lot of them who will be damn near close.

  • http://slamonline.com Ben Osborne

    Shady Arthur is awesome too. That’s why I wrote a feature about him in the last issue of SLAM.

  • LordGef

    Oregon Ducks!!!

  • http://nothinpersonal8.blogspot.com/ nothin personal

    In a completely irrelevant note, Ibrahim Jaaber is a hell of a player, and he deserves a spot as a backup NBA pg. The best performance by a young American guard (playing in Europe)I have seen since Darell Armstrong circa 1993.

  • some white kid

    “Internet Hype-to-Letdown ratio” Have to give props on that!

  • http://sdfjkl.com Jukai

    And we all know what a great player Darell turned out to be

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