Friday, July 30th, 2010 at 2:33 pm  |  13 responses

Contest Winner: Converse Poorman Weapons

SLAMonline readers break down who they play like.

by Chris O’Leary/@olearychris

After an arduous deliberation process, we have a winner in our Converse Poorman Weapons giveaway. The winner (announced at the bottom of this post) will get to design his own pair of Poorman Weapons on the Converse site and will have their new kicks sent to them.

I really like doing these giveaways on the site. We always get fun, creative and oftentimes hilarious entries from you guys. So before we get to the winner (did I mention that’s at the bottom of this post?) I want to celebrate the best of the rest.

Funniest and most to-the-point post goes to Fernando Oyarzun:

i am a poormans version of the entire los angeles clippers basketball team….. i suck

Celebrity guest entrant under the guise of a SLAMonline regular award goes to “Migs”, who I’m convinced was actually Bill Walton.

While most of my colleagues in this contest will no doubt select a superstar from today’s era of flash and sizzle, I would like to bring forth a Converse-clad specimen from an era of fundamentally-sound basketball. To paraphrase, he is “a mountain of a man, disguised as an NBA player” – a man who’s complimentary skill-set, high basketball IQ, versatility on court, and his desire to do everything it takes for the team is matched by his spectacular wit and tremendous gravitas. The grace, the tenacity, the strength and versatility, the overwhelming flurries of adjectives and hyperbole… nay… the sheer presence of the man known as Bill Walton will forever be imprinted in my DNA. If Luke Walton ever became a shade of his father’s former self – a poor-man’s version, so to speak, then and only then would he be able to consider himself to be a success in the NBA. To take a further step along the descriptive path, I fashion myself as a homeless-man’s version of the big behemoth. Mirroring Bills rise to stardom, my career was marred by two back surgeries and several knee injuries since high school, forcing me to survive on court through my height, length, versatility, relatively high basketball IQ, and indomitable willpower and desire to succeed. Off court, I see myself as having a mere fraction of the descriptive impact that the big man of many words has. Struggling with a slight stammering issue as a youngster forced me to develop my writing skills and creativity to a point that is still several notches below that of Big Red. He is an inspirational figurehead to youngsters due to his willingness to overcome the odds, despite the many injuries that plagued his career. Throw it down big fella… throw it down.

The most ambiguously intentioned entry comes from Abhishek Duggal, whose loyalties flip-flop, depending on if he’s a Lakers or Jazz fan.

I’m the Poorman version of Derek Fisher because like him, money can’t buy me. I stick by my team.

The winner, and what I’d call the Most Earnest Entry (Shaq would call it the MEE) goes to Joey E, who wrote:

Im going to be real with this. I didnt make my HS team. But i love the game. Anyways, Im the poorman Al Harrington. Look, Im not that great at defense, I’m only 6′0 so Im small in terms of a great team, but on the pickup courts im the big man. But I dont like rebounding or playing defense. I think my 3 is going in every single time when I have no shot at making it at all. Im going to keep on chucking. But I have a few post moves so Im not really Antoine Walker, but I never use them lol. When Im hot im a decent shooter, but when im not, that Wolf is not blowing down my brick house. Love Al. thanks for the opportunity SLAM and Converse

I found this one to be the trifecta: It was funny, creative and if you re-read it, that really is the poor man’s version of Al Harrington. Joey, we’ll be in touch with you to set you up with your pair of sneaks.
Harrington No D
This contest has also forced me to come to a harsh and difficult realization. If I were picking a poorman version of who I play ball like … ugh, man I hate this. I’d have to pick one of Reggie Miller or Andrea Bargnani. I shoot, shoot and shoot, am pass-happy on the break and absolutely refuse to rebound or play defense the second I get tired, which lately is happening pretty fast. If I feel like I have stamina on the court, I’ll liken my game to Rip Hamilton, but truthfully, Rip is just Reggie 2.0. Not as good a shooter, a better slasher, but he’s taken his style from Reggie’s playbook.

One thing I’ll promise you guys though, is that I’ll never try that upfake, lean-in-and-draw-the-foul-BS that Reggie thrived on. Basketball’s a man’s game. Don’t cheapen it with your weak-ass lean-in mess.

But I digress.

Thanks to everyone who took part. We’ll get at you with another giveaway soon.

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  • Migs

    Ahh.. so close, yet so far! It’s all good though – I just like entering these contests cuz they’re fun… keep ‘em coming Chris!

    Congrats Joey E – I’m glad someone honest won the contest :)

    PS – I’m also a poor-man’s Boris Diaw sometimes. I’ll leave you with a final Walton-ism: When I look at Boris Diaw, I think of Beethoven in the age of the Romantics. This guy has got it all.

  • http://www.slamonline.com doyouwantmore

    I feel like mine was the best, just like everyone else. Except I’m right.

  • http://www.twitter.com/NotebookNick NotebookNick

    Hahaha. Rip 2.0 would be an apt description.

  • http://pardonthedopeness.blogspot.com DP

    I wasn’t here for this! I need to get on this site more often. I’ve been slacking.

  • jose

    Congrats to them!

  • Groves

    i’m a poor mans boris diaw. undersized for a centre and pf, play every position.. not well. and i’m tired so i won’t continue, im as boris diaw-like as LeBron is hated in cleveland

  • Ali Saadat

    can darko be the poorman of kwame brown?

  • http://slamonline.com Chris O’Leary

    I think Kwame is the poorman’s Kwame Brown.

  • Joey E.

    yeah! Thanks SLAM and Converse for hooking me up.
    Thanks Al Harrington for being that dude. and thanks Migs up there for wishing me congrats. this is so cool. Now excuse me while I go chuck 3′s baby!

  • frank

    I still never got that spurs shirt i won.

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  • Coach_Adams

    man wish they would do another contest for teams to win shoes, my college has to raise money to get shoes each year and we one some before and it would be awsome if we could again. Or SLAM it would be cool if you could donate us some. like 34 pairs good tax write off. love this mag! one-love

  • KB8

    I’m a poor mans Sir Charles, cos I’m all hustle and heart, built like a solid block of meat, and got a temper on the court that could light water on fire.
    Y’all better snatch those kicks back and hook me up.