Ron Artest’s new album is coming

By Sam Rubenstein
ron ronNot to get religious here, but thank you God for giving us the gift of Ron Artest. His album is coming out the night before the Kings season opener. Sactown Royalty is concerned that Ron Ron might pull a Ron Ron and blow up their season. Hey, it could happen. Or maybe he’ll be a model citizen and win the MVP. Anyone that claims to know what Ron Artest is going to do, has no idea what they are talking about.

Hopefully Ron gets his album promotion campaign out of the way before the season starts, cause it would be a little inconvenient if he had to take time off from the Kings season right when it gets going. I assume they wanted to release the album at that time so that Ron can constantly plug it in postgame interviews. Finally, an off-season story that actually matters.
There are lots of highlights from the promotional materials, which Sactown Royalty points out. I’d also like to point out songs called “Coroner” and “La la Ladies.” The NBA must be really excited about this album. I know I am.