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Sunday, June 3rd, 2007 at 12:36 am  |  80 responses

Titillation!

Boobie goes off, CWebb goes insane, and LeBron is going to the motherf*cking NBA Finals. Motherf*ckers.

This is crazy. I can only barely believe this. This is nuts.

A couple thoughts.

*Watching Kenny and Charles gang up on Reggie — those two have NEVER agreed as often as they do when Reggie’s on, because they ALWAYS jointly disagree with him — almost makes me feel sorry for Reg. Almost.

*Chris Webber has lost his damn mind. He’s been sort of below the radar the past few years, so I’d forgotten (or at least thought less often about the fact) that he’s kind of a wack-job. Please understand, I’ve liked Chris Webber since the Fab Five days, being fortunate to see that crew in person once while I was in college. His combination of game and personality was just too cool not to like, and as much as the Fab Five were about swagger and cockiness and intimidation, there was always that very obvious element of joy about Chris, on and off the court.

Not that you could’ve guessed it based on this series.

Listen, Mayce, I get it — it’s getting late in your career, and you’ve gone from being an MVP candidate to a fringe player, mostly because of injuries. Tough luck, so you’ve got some reason to be grumpy. Plus, you’re a Piston now, so you’ve got to be a bad-ass. Cool, fair enough. But the way you were acting this series, I was sort of surprised not to see “Thug Life” tattooed on your jersey. Chris? You look ridiculous. No one’s buying this. I don’t know if you’re bipolar or what (and apologies to anyone reading this who might actually be bipolar; I mean no offense), but it’s gotta stop.

The only time Chris Webber smiled the entire series was when Daniel Gibson hit him in the nuts in Game 6. I think that says it all.

*A reminder that Donyell Marshall has the most strangely proportioned body I’ve ever seen. In the second half, when Donyell thought he got a steal but they called a foul, and he went high-stepping up the court in protest? I thought that was another Madea commercial. I’m just saying.

*Ah, Sheed. We’ve missed you. Good to have you back.

*Daniel Gibson just scored 31 points in the decisive game of the Eastern Conference Finals. What the F*CK?

*Charles Barkley, postgame, on Rasheed Wallace: “He needs to grow up.” He’s 33 years old, Chuck. Dude’s as grown as he’s gonna get.

*Jake Appleman, postgame, on my cell phone: “I may go to hell for this, but I really wish Gordon Gund could see this.”

*I am really happy for LeBron James.

*Spurs in five.

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  • BESTkeptSECRET

    !primero!

  • BESTkeptSECRET

    that means first for you nonspanish reading motherf*ckers

  • Sparker

    lebreezy’s in, and my desire to watch the playoffs lives. match up should be interesting. cleveland has some big bodies. and those strong, fast guards should create problems of at least some kind for the spurs- i know they weren’t much fun for j kidd or tayshaun, who devoured their previous series opponents ( i don’t think cleveland’s d has been getting enough credit in general). duncan should have his, but remember lebron’s dunk on him in the first week of the season? how i pray this was just a really early preview of what we are about to witness…

  • Klemperer

    Fourth!

  • Dontonio Wingfield

    Spurs in five because of Pop and the team’s dedication to a championship system of basketball. Unlike the Playoff Pistons, the Spurs play defense and run actual plays on offense.
    It seemed like the Pistons ended up running 1on1 isolations over and over again with everyone else standing around, which doesn’t work unless you have a dominant player (Duncan/Lebron). When the Pistons won the championship, they relied on executing offensive sets that set players up for open shots through ball and player movement. More importantly, they shut teams down and got stops consistently, not just when they needed a stop. This Piston team could not get a stop or a score if the players’ lives depended on it.

  • http://slamonline.com Lang Whitaker

    Ryan, I bumped you up to feature one, at least until the game notes come in.

  • cavs-mavs fan

    i like boobie(s)

  • Simon

    *spurs in 2 and 1/2

  • Simon

    you just pointed to your boobies!

  • kabelion

    I’m starting the Fire Flip petition right now. You will not win a championship in the nba when your defensive scheme is having 5 dudes move slightly to the left and slightly to the right.
    Fire Flip damnit. Hire Tripucka.

  • Chukaz

    Is it me or Boobie is a better player than Bron?

  • Dan

    I am watching the game again on NBATV. . . It was too good. And kabelion: it isn’t Flip’s fault the Piston’s couldn’t get it done. That was courtesy of LeBron and Gibson! ! !

  • Chukaz

    Kabelion I’m feelin’ you on the fire Flop Saunders movement. I’m not a pistons fan (as a matter of fact I hate them for stealing the Lakers ‘chip in 04), but I still hate him.

  • Chukaz

    Bron didn’t do sh*t in this game. They should trade him for some second round picks and some complementary players to build the team around Boobie.

  • Dan

    You too Chukaz?!?!?! You guys are ridiculous. . . Flip is not responsible for what happened. The Piston’s just can’t get it done. . . Clearly.

  • Dennard

    Flip is definitely culpable for the loss to an extent. He wasn’t exactly John Wooden strategy wise. However, it was a team meltdown in the 4th quarter. Sheed? He threw a tantrum out there, that was f*cking embarassing. The Pistons gave up halfway in the 4th qtr. So give Cleveland props. It isn’t like there coach was making the greatest decisions throughout the series.

  • Chukaz

    The Cavs ain’t got a motherf*ckin’ change against the Spurs, man. I think the series will be other after the second game. The cavs had troubles beating a stuggling Pistons team. Now that I think of it, the series might be other by the end of the first half of game one.

  • Dan

    Exactly Dennard! I understand that Flip can be held partially liable, but if Flip gets fired, it will just be a scapegoat for the Pistons players. . .

  • Dan

    By the way Ryan, I am glad to be posting on an article written by you. It has been a while, and I missed it, to tell you the truth.

  • Garreth

    Sheed’s meltdown was almost understandable… Varejao’s flop on that last post up was beyond ridiculous. Cav’s were in the bonus for the last 10 minutes of the game. What an embarrassment overall. Sad. Granted, Detroit threw the series away… it just doesn’t make sense.

  • Dan

    Oh, it makes sense. As Detroit begins to lose their ownership of the East, someone needs to take over.

  • Chukaz

    First of all, yes Dan, me too. Second of all, I don’t think the Pistons will look the same next year. Sheed can’t control himself and he is getting older (how come nobody talkes about that?). Chancey is a free agent and I think he will leave. Flip will get fired and Joe Dumars is going to brake the whole thing off and start over keeping Rip, Princes and Maxille

  • Dennard

    Sheed’s meltdown was not understandable. That was embarassing. He was mad I get that, but good God, there wasn’t any need for him to act like a 4 year old at that point. Granted they weren’t going to win the game at that point, but to react like that was selfish and totally foolish.

  • Chukaz

    Did you guys see when Chris Webber was complaining to an official about Varejao’s flopping and he imitated him. That sh*t was f*ckin’ funny, man. My lil’ brother almost fell of his bed watchin’ that sh*t!

  • ForzaMilan

    I believe if the Cavs are going to have a chance, Z + Gooden must match up equally with TDun + Sidekick. Oberto is a lot more spry than Z, but don’t you think that this actually isn’t that farfetched? At the very least, Duncan gets into serious foul trouble once or twice.

    Anyway, unless Mike Brown does something insane and farfetched that works (like Varejao shadowing parker or something) the Spurs aren’t going to be challenged at all. The Cavs and Lebron take too long to set up, and the Spurs are the quickest in the league at recovering on defense. They need trigger jumshooters. I hate to say this, but Damon Jones and Donyell Marshall have to get their game together, quickly and suddenly. Shoot quick, keep hands low when TDun spins, get a hand in the face of the three point shooters. Steve Nash may be “the system”, but the Spurs were the system before Steve Nash became who he is today. Spurs in 5. Cavs take game 3.

  • Dan

    Don’t get me wrong Chukaz, I think you and I have similar ideas, but we can’t quite see eye-to-eye. I am in agreement with you that the Pistons will more than likely have a little shake-up this off-season, but nobody can be upset about that. They have had 3 years since their Championship, and enough is enough. They were given their shot, and now it’s time to move on. As far as where we don’t meet goes, we just place the blame more on one side than the other.

  • niQ

    CAVS IN SIX

  • Chukaz

    You know what Dan, I have placed too much blame on Flip. I mean, the defence Flip used against Bron was pretty good, but the players lost the game. Flip (the coach, not the player) couln’t go out there and make some shots for his team.

  • Chukaz

    I have been thinking about this for about 2 hours now and I have come to the conclusion that Bron is one of the most inconsistent players in the L. One game he goes for 48 and the next he gets 20 AND he played garbage minutes. Coach Brown should have taken him out, he wasn’t doin’ sh*t anyways. Didn’t Boobie at some point score 19 straight for the Cavs or something like that. Take that Bron, and he did it with out being selfish. I’m serious, they should trade Bron in the off season and build a contender around Boobie.

  • Boing Dynasty

    -How is the fact that Donyell Marshall is a professional athlete not one of the 9 wonders?

  • Boing Dynasty

    So Flip was thier coach? I always thought he was the mascot.

  • Chukaz

    Boing you know what he was knda like the mascot. I mean during a game in the playoff on ESPN someone reported that Chancey went to Flip (the coach, not the player) and asked him what to do on offense and Flip (the coach, not the player) answered “what do you want to do”. Damn you Flip (the coach, not the player) you are almost as bad as Coach Brown.

  • http://www.lkz.ch/basket Darksaber

    First Wade, now Bron. Carmelo, time to step up in 07/08. Great draft that. Congrats to Boobie for his great series, now i hope you are ready for Parker-Longoria, that teardrop dropping speedy frenchy.
    Take THAT Boozer.

  • Chukaz

    People that work for Slam, I have a good idea (well, that some thing that doesn’t happen very often). You guys should have like and insider section in your website. Kinda like ESPN but, you know, good.

  • Chukaz

    I take back what I said, just do what you do.

  • Chukaz

    @darksaber – DWade won the chip and Bron won’t. And I think Melo is like the second coming of T-Mac and will never get out of the first round or at least until he gets a real GM (seriously, do they have a GM?).

  • Chukaz

    I can’t wait to see Eva Longoria on ABC. Damn it I meant the NBA Finals on ABC.

  • http://www.lkz.ch/basket Darksaber

    aahhhh, the oversaturation of my optical sensors continues. Eva’s gonna be fake smiling and all that ish every damn game. I’m thinking 3 to 6 cuts to her every game by the cameramen. Damnit, why couldn’t Tony date Jessica Alba (oh my lord) or even Evangeline? Why that dwarf? Well, don’t matter, hope Bronnie crunches a few on that spurs frontcourt.

  • Eoin

    Chukaz what the hell are you thinking???You wanna make them make us pay for stuff on the site???Why would you want that?WHY???

  • http://www.lkz.ch/basket Darksaber

    Personally, i’m very happy for all those players who’ve never made it this far on the cavs roster, especially Zdrunas, Donyell and Drew. Anderson even, and of course the guy with the coolest nickname in the Nba, Gibson. Thank god Larry got the plantar fascilitis.

  • DEVILb0y

    cavs are gonna win cause of stern!!!!hahahahaaha

  • Eoin

    Also, Chukaz, the Nuggets have a pretty decent GM – they got Melo, Iverson, Camby, Nene (who’s starting to look beastly), Kleiza (who was vicious towards the end of the season) and how sad is it that I put Nene and Kleiza ahead of Kmart?That guy used to be sick.I think an argument could be made that nobody but the Spurs, Suns and Pistons have done a better job of collecting talent.Now they gotta put it all together.Pity they had to give up Dre Miller to get Iverson.He coulda run that team all the way to the chip.Imagine Melo vs Bron in the Finals?That’d be sweeeeeeeet.

  • bertl kuthan

    ES SCHIACHEN WOAMAN!!!!
    I AM SO HAPPY FOR THE CAVS AND LEBRON!
    PLEASE SLAM GO ON RIDING KOBE’S SCHLONG FOR THE NEXT DECADE. LEBRON IS THE BEST SINCE MIKE BUT YOU DON’T CARE. OH NOW YOU START SUCKING.

  • http://kb24.com Bigi

    Hey Bron,Welcome to the NBA Finals!!!Cavs in six…Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

  • nastruthomas

    cavs in five.

  • AB_40

    spurs in 4 or 5. Or lebron should go and average 45 15 and 15. And don’t see that happening for another year or 2 haha. Duncan is gonna eat the cavs frontline alive. Parker is 2 quick for anyone. And that drive and kick game with those veteran shooters. Can’t stop that

  • ForzaMilan

    I’ll say it again: The Cavaliers have done a great job coming this far. But if they expect to keep on doing this with essentially the same lineup, they’re going to be stuck in a rut, New Jersey Nets style. They need a second guy willing to do crazy things for Bron, someone insanely good, insanely confident yet exceedingly humble (NOT a contradiction). Someone like the old Michael Finley, Elton Brand, etc. On the other hand, if they could get Chauncey…

  • Sparker

    does anyone else recall that last year no one gave the heat a chance against the mavs either?

  • nexus6

    “stealing the lakers chip in 04?”they didn’t need anybody other than themselves to screw it up,chukaz.and i’m still glad they did.

  • http://www.btnhboard.com Gambino

    I don’t think its a case of lebron being inconsistant, its more him being a team player, he has done what he needs to do, game 5 he needed to go crazy, game 6 boobie went crazy so lebron didn’t need to. It looks more and more that a healthy larry hughes, boobie and bron are a serious threat to win it all

  • nexus6

    Joe D…it’s time to start rebuilding.

  • Stuie

    do you think flip will get fired and if so will he take the kings job. Will larry brown take it or one of the van gundy’s. if they can get a good coach the kings wont be half bad.

  • http://slamonline.com Ryan Jones

    You guys got the headline, right?

  • nexus6

    the headline has been lost in a sea of pistons fan tears…..

  • http://www.slamonline.com Jake Appleman

    I got the headline, Ryan. And I’ll get it in hell, too.

  • Chou

    I guess Chauncey got all of us fooled.

  • Nothin_personal

    So, if The Blazers pick Oden, Magloire becomes available? What does Pavlovic, Marshall and a #1 pick buy you?

  • Big D

    Can’t everyone stop playa hatin, lebron didn’t have a great game shooting wise, so what? He still pulled down 14 rebounds and dished out 8 assist and had 20 points to go along with it. Boobie had a great game but Lebron still has to be the leader, that was what he was born for. Once Lebrons gone, Boobie will be the star, Ya know Lebron did do S*** he game the team extra posseions by the rebounds he gave his team open looks, and by the end of the game Bobbie was the story which is great but when finals come Lebron is Gunna be Hot

  • doctaj

    spurs n 7, next year bron.

  • Uknow11

    I ‘m glade to see Cleveland make it. Shoot Boobie

  • KO

    was just about to comment on the title, Ryan. nicely done.

  • John S.

    i no its hard on c-webb he didn’t do it again. he came to detriot for a reason and he was one step closer but it just didn’t happen.

  • Chukaz

    @ everybody – I wanted the insider section for free and Denvers current GM didn’t draft Melo (or at least I don’t think he did. Didn’t Kikki for ESPN’s NBA fastbreak draft him?) and he didn’t get Nene, Camby, Kleiza or K-Mart. The only think he did was trading for AI (good move who ever did it) and trading Earl Boykins for the white guy (what’s his name? Sh*t. I can’t remember. Oh yeah, Steve Blake).

  • Chukaz

    @ everybody – If I had my own column, would you read it?
    @ Slam – Has anybody replaced Omar. I could take over his former spot and write for you guys (no movie reviews).

  • Tetet

    Yo.

  • Chukaz

    I meant “Kikki from” not “kikki for”

  • Chukaz my @$$

    Chukaz…What an idiot! Maybe if Cleveland do trade LeBron and Draft Bugger All in the second round you’ll be able to find out how much crap has found its way into your head and is finally dribbling out of yo mouth.

  • Chukaz my @$$

    Chukaz makes me Chuck

  • Froggiestyle

    spurs in 5

  • http://slamonline.com Russ Bengtson

    The Pistons need to blow it up and start over.

  • Prophecy_projectz

    All they need is a decent coach…Larry come back!

  • maio

    Oh no. Please no more Larry Brown ever in any sport in any league.
    Get Bill Laimbeer.

  • Slobodan Chutzpah

    I completely agree on C-Webb. He looked like he was a white guy auditioning for a Game video the whole series. Also, when Sages interviewed him (I think) at half-time of Game 5, he looked for the whole interview like he was about to start crying. Weird.

  • nexus6

    chukaz,i will read your damn column if you have anything to write other than “i want my own column”

  • http://www.slamonline.com Cub Buenning

    With full kudos to LeBron for his achievement, but to make the DWade now LBJ v. Melo arguement is a bit tough with Anthony plying his trade out west. I know its kind of a tired argument but remember the Nuggets had to face the Spurs in April, not June.
    I got brooms for the Cavs…

  • Allenp

    People need to stop with that “don’t blame the coach, he can’t play games” crap. If you’re coach and you can’t get your players to play well, than what is your effing purpose for having a job? You get paid to get players to succeed, if you can’t do that, then hit the door.

  • Kadavour

    lmao @ that Gordon Gund reference. Yes, you will be going to hell for that

  • Dblizzy!

    @Allenp, I agree that Flip deserves some of the blame, but not most of it. It’s not his fault Prince didn’t show up the whole series, or that Billups made so many costly mistakes. That stuff is out of his control but that stuff also played a big part in the outcome of the series. The Pistons just didn’t look motivated and when your a veteran team you shouldn’t need the coach to get you focused in the Conference Finals. Nobody pointed out his coaching flaws when they were kicking the sh*t outta Orlando or the Bulls.

  • http://slamonline.com Russ Bengtson

    Actually, yes they did.

  • Tuomas

    Anyone else find the idea of Barkley telling anyone (let alone an active player) to “grow up” just a little bit funny? He does remember his own career, does he? Although one of my favorite commentators, Chuck suffers a bit too much of selective amnesia. But of course, a huge disappointment and self-destruction by the pistons.

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