Friday, February 29th, 2008 at 4:00 pm  |  43 responses

Stop Hanging out With Murderers, Larry Bird Tells His Pacers

by Marcel Mutoni

High-ranking NBA execs are expected to provide strong leadership and a clear vision for their franchises.

While most GM’s and team presidents spend their days worrying about contracts, revenue streams, and the minutiae of running a major corporate entity, Larry Bird must also concern himself with the criminal element that is seemingly always lurking around his players.

“We’ve got to get all the information, but we’ve got to be very clear on this: We don’t want our players hanging around with murderers,” Bird said. “It’s not a good sign for our young fans, it’s not a good sign for management, it’s not a good sign for the state of Indiana and everybody involved. We’ve got to get all the details, and we’ll do what’s appropriate.”

Expect to see the following on the 2009 Pacers’ media guide: We Don’t Hang Around Murderers Anymore. Promise!

Other suggestions for the Pacers courtesy of Larry Legend*:

-”We’d really prefer if you didn’t kill any hookers.”

-”Please don’t push any old people down the stairs. That would probably hurt ticket sales.”

-”Tax evasion. Yeah, not a good idea, gentlemen.”

(Feel free to pile on in the comments.)

*Not necessarily true.

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  • Slick Nick Da Ruler Posted: Feb.29 at 4:05 pm
    “Even French Lick isn’t this dirty”

  • Russ Bengtson Posted: Feb.29 at 4:07 pm
    I still think the Pacers should hire Jim Brown.

  • nick Posted: Feb.29 at 4:07 pm
    I like the suggestions…but he should know better. Mike Dunleavy Jr. only gets mad when people tell him he should stop killing hookers.

  • Boing Dynasty Posted: Feb.29 at 4:12 pm
    All iam saying is if your going to kill someone anyways, hookers are not the worst choice. There filthy creatures, you know.

  • Russ Bengtson Posted: Feb.29 at 4:13 pm
    Larry Bird longs for the days when the only criminal activity he had to deal with were Robert Parish and Bill Walton smoking funny-smelling cigarettes on the back of the team plane.

  • steve Posted: Feb.29 at 4:19 pm
    Its sad that its come to this. To not have the common sense to stay away from murders and rapists. I guess they don’t teach that in rookie orientation classes.

  • Gerard Himself Posted: Feb.29 at 4:26 pm
    Rik Smits is rolling over in his grave.

  • tenorca Posted: Feb.29 at 4:26 pm
    So, Stephen Jackson comes to the Warriors and becomes a fire-y, likable team leader, Artest goes to Sacto and become…less punchy, certainly. Maybe it’s something about Indiana that makes people violent. Move the franchise.

  • riggs Posted: Feb.29 at 4:28 pm
    i know i read an article here that said its very hard for players to leave their childhood friends, no matter how criminal and bad they are, and that is true in this case and others.

  • Myles Brown Posted: Feb.29 at 4:31 pm
    Can we get Mike Tyson to sign a ten day contract? Michael Vick? Roger Clemens?

  • Russ Bengtson Posted: Feb.29 at 4:35 pm
    Little-known fact: Charles Manson ran the point for the ABA Pacers for 10 days back in 1967.

  • The Tree Posted: Feb.29 at 4:39 pm
    The last step remaining is the inevitable steroid party

  • Jolst Posted: Feb.29 at 4:40 pm
    Bird should quit telling people what to do. Just look at his face and you know that he seriously got beaten up by professional gangsters every once in a while.

  • Captain America Posted: Feb.29 at 4:42 pm
    Russ, was Chuck Manson killin’?

  • Captain America Posted: Feb.29 at 4:43 pm
    Just in: J. R. Rider is available

  • Reggie Evans Posted: Feb.29 at 4:46 pm
    “We don’t f*ck dead corpses … but we will sign live ones.”

  • The Best Yet Posted: Feb.29 at 4:47 pm
    Yea Larry, that’ll do it.

  • ic3 Posted: Feb.29 at 5:36 pm
    is killing a team by trading some of its best players for a bunch of non-warriorlike warriors considered murder? if so, bird wont want his players hanging out with him then.

  • Tariq Posted: Feb.29 at 5:38 pm
    Suggestion # 28: Don’t Eat Soylent Green. It’s people.

  • Tariq Posted: Feb.29 at 5:40 pm
    Suggestion # 42: It is Not Recommended that You Marry Kevin Federline and Then Proceed to Lose Touch with Reality.

  • AB_40 Posted: Feb.29 at 5:54 pm
    yeah cuzz troy murphy and mike d are gangsta:P haha

  • Danny Ferry Posted: Feb.29 at 6:10 pm
    Suggestion #17: Just admit that you farted

  • Russ Bengtson Posted: Feb.29 at 6:12 pm
    Suggestion #23: Do not allow illegal immigrants to live in your locker.

  • Danny Ferry Posted: Feb.29 at 6:17 pm
    Suggestion #39: Stop making Pacman Jones look like a model citizen

  • D-Advocate Posted: Feb.29 at 6:26 pm
    If the Pacers want to continue to help their image, just make a trade, the Knicks will trade you Isaiah for a pair of Larry Bird Black Converses.

  • rav Posted: Feb.29 at 7:18 pm
    how come none of the colts get into these type of situations?

  • G Diesel Posted: Feb.29 at 7:30 pm
    The Knicks should move their franchise to Indianapolis

  • Danny Ferry Posted: Feb.29 at 9:06 pm
    Slamonline. Where bad jokes happen

  • Cass McBride Posted: Feb.29 at 10:43 pm
    I actually think the Pacers have the most white Americans of any team in the league.

  • B. Long Posted: Mar.1 at 12:59 am
    The Pacers remind me of the Chappelle show episode “When keepin It Real Goes Wrong” everyday!

  • Rob Paxon Posted: Mar.1 at 2:03 am
    Larry Sez: “This team needs more cowbell.” – “I can has more white pplz?” – “All your crime in Indiana are belong to Pacers” – “Rickroll.” :retires from internet:

  • Sesa Posted: Mar.1 at 2:09 am
    Anyone remember that Jermaine O’Neal “The face of the Franchise” came from Portland in the Jailblazers era?

  • Todd D. Posted: Mar.1 at 2:58 am
    Please, Pacer players and memebers of this illustrious organizatinon, I strongly beckon that you not commence with the pistol popping bottles on the white house lawn shawn Carter type illusion that six figure pay checks makes you feel like real gangsters of the 70′s like black Lucas, but the truth is “The Man” AKA Larry Legend will sweep your ass to the next team if you continue the BS. So focus on your J and stop smokin them fool.!!!

  • Kevin Posted: Mar.1 at 6:13 am
    does nothing ever go right for the Pacers or what…

  • Slobodan Chutzpah Posted: Mar.1 at 2:38 pm
    Suggestion #142: Would you be so courteous as to check all fully automatic weapons larger than 9mm at the scorers before each game.

  • Pats FAN Posted: Mar.1 at 6:05 pm
    buy out has theo ratliff goin to Detroit

  • Slobodan Chutzpah Posted: Mar.2 at 7:38 am
    *at the scorers table*

  • Son of Shawn Posted: Mar.3 at 6:21 am
    Larry is going to resign and i´ve heard that Frank Lucas is applying for the job (he used to deal with people like these players when he was young).

  • Son of Shawn Posted: Mar.3 at 6:25 am
    HBO´S new show: “The Wire: Pacer´s Roster”

  • Son of Shawn Posted: Mar.3 at 6:34 am
    That´s the true reason for the dress code: if you´re a rich gangster, you have to dress like a rich gangster.

  • Son of Shawn Posted: Mar.3 at 6:52 am
    Now seriously, do you remember how the play-offs series between the Pacers and the Knicks used to be?. I miss that A LOT

  • markis6385 Posted: Mar.3 at 11:57 am
    son of shawn said it best.

  • Toney Blare Posted: Mar.3 at 12:13 pm
    kinda of hypocritical for an old friend of John Cougar.

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