September 2, 2008 8:00 am  |  96 Comments

SLAMonline Top 50: Marcus Camby, no. 48

The definitive ranking of the best players in the NBA today…

by Matt Caputo

Marcus Camby has never played a full 82 in the NBA. When he does play, Camby can always find a way to change the game without having to score points. Because of his lengthy limbs and thin frame, Camby can look awkward on the court at times. However, being successful in the NBA isn’t about looking good – it’s about getting the job done.

Camby is a tremendous presence in the post and even occasionally playing D out on the wing. He will defend the lane, rebound, block about three shots a game, tip-in anything around the cylinder and can even man up on your 2-guard, if you put one of Carmelo’s guns to his head. He’s one of the few players that, even at 6-10 or 6-11, was ready to play in the NBA before he had an NBA body. He was that good of a defender.

At UMass, a skin-and-bones Camby brought the Atlantic Ten Minutemen to the Final Four. He was the leader of one of the most exciting teams in college hoops. However, the trip to the dance was nullified when the NCAA found Camby accepted $28,000 from sports agents while he was in school. While Camby’s game has always been tight, off-court issues during the early part of his career overshadowed his playing prowess.

He got off to a good start after being taken 2nd in the 1996 draft by the Raptors. But it wasn’t until about his fifth season when he started steadily dropping double-doubles. He helped the New York Knicks to the NBA Finals in the amended 1999 season and was considered and anchor of the a fast paced Denver team, that often had Camby leading the break. And remember: this guy plays the five.

Camby is a tough dude but doesn’t feel compelled to act it out, like a Ron Artest or Charles Oakley, whom the Knicks traded to Toronto to acquire him. He is one of the only guys who doesn’t need to prove he’s tough. He just collects himself and plays hard. He doesn’t need to threaten to shoot someone in order to maintain his position.

He leads the league in blocked shots almost every year, is usually top-five in rebounding and, besides winning the award in 2006-07, Camby always finishes high in Defensive Player of the Year voting.

Even amongst an elite group of ballers like those in SLAMOnline’s Top 50, Camby is one of less than two-dozen players who are capable of a triple double on any night. Camby doesn’t need to look good doing it, he just needs to get the job done.

Want more of the SLAMonline Top 50? Check out the archive.

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This story is filed under: Blogs, NBA, SLAMonline Top 50, Too Real for the League

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  • Hursty Posted: Sep.2 at 8:05 am
    Pork chops!

  • Hursty Posted: Sep.2 at 8:08 am
    Caputo!!! My man! :) Camby absolutely deserves to be in the top 50. I wonder whether Antawn Jamison will make it this year after a career year last year pretty much. Nice stuff anyways.

  • kevin k Posted: Sep.2 at 8:09 am
    always viewed him as overrated… yea he gets the blocks and the reb but when you played with a team like the Denver Nuggets where D doesn’t exist and give up like 150 points to the garbage sonics, the stats are inflated… Most of his blocks are from the help D and he wasn’t much of a great man defender. IF you want to see a big man making a true impact on D, watch T Duncan or KG not this overrated clippers

  • Hursty Posted: Sep.2 at 8:13 am
    Yeh statwise Jamison has to be on the list. Mid 40’s I reckon. Camby! Totally forgot about him though. But YES he should be on the list. Man, If the late 40’s are this high quality then its going to be on for young and old ( looking at you Eboy) :) one we hit the 30’s.

  • Hursty Posted: Sep.2 at 8:14 am
    shut up Kevin, its too early for whiners and haters. Im out anyways. Peace!

  • Gerard Himself Posted: Sep.2 at 8:19 am
    good piece Matt. I’m really looking forward to the upcoming season. The Nuggets made a huge mistake, I wonder how AI and Melo really feel about this summer.

  • kevin k Posted: Sep.2 at 8:23 am
    lol how am i hating. i never said anything about him not deserving to be in the top 50, just his reputation as a defender is overrated just like kobe

  • Navid Posted: Sep.2 at 8:23 am
    guy can throw a punch too… remember the mark he left on Van Gundy? He missed his mark but he sure as hell left a shiner on the guy

  • the baconator Posted: Sep.2 at 8:31 am
    Huh, I didn’t see that one coming. But now that you explained it, it makes sense why he’s on here. He’s one of those players I think a lot of people take for granted, cuz there’s so many big-name players at center: Yao, Dwight, etc.

  • mat smith Posted: Sep.2 at 8:46 am
    erm, how exactly can the 2006-07 NBA Defensive Player of the Year’s defence be overated, only like 124 sportswriters and broadcasters vote on it, the marquis of granby deserves to be top fiddy

  • Sesa Posted: Sep.2 at 8:54 am
    I’m still waiting for Kobe to pop up in your list…

  • Jeremy Posted: Sep.2 at 9:01 am
    Where’s Francisco Elson…

  • Money Bill Williams Posted: Sep.2 at 9:13 am
    caputo, great choice cambyman deserves that spot

  • Joel O's Posted: Sep.2 at 9:28 am
    Good choice. Anyone remember the ridiculous dunk he had on Mutombo back in the 99 playoffs? (I think it was a Slamadamonth) Or the almost identical one on Duncan weeks later in the finals?

  • Jukai Posted: Sep.2 at 9:33 am
    Mat Smith: I agree with Kevin, actually. Everyone looks at his help D and his above average passing lane play for a center that they don’t notice that he’s only an above average one-on-one defender. Faster centers like Gasol and Amare freaking rain dunks upon him. With that said, 48 seems like a good spot.

  • Darksaber Posted: Sep.2 at 9:45 am
    I agree with most of the guys, Camby’s spot here seems right. But my one memory of ‘ol lanky Marcus is little A.I. skying over his back for the tipdunk… oh…so..sweet. Still, great guy, with lots of issues/drama in his life at one point, but always shows up to play. Good spot

  • Matt Caputo Posted: Sep.2 at 9:55 am
    I’m home, I had some car trouble, but I’ll be in soon. Camby is a beast. The definitive full court player.

  • Bryan Posted: Sep.2 at 10:23 am
    Good to see Camby getting some much needed respect.

  • kevin k Posted: Sep.2 at 10:27 am
    Juaki - i agree with you… seriously, in the last year’s playoffs. Camby let freaking Pau GASOFT dominate… and you saw what happened to GASOFT in the finals against KG. Camby’s defense gets magnifyed because Denver Nugget’s D sucks and he is the only decent defender they had even if k-mart still believe he can guard kobe…

  • Gerard Himself Posted: Sep.2 at 10:29 am
    All I know is that Clipper fans have plenty reasons to be excited.

  • canadian Posted: Sep.2 at 10:37 am
    Camby’s also pretty consistent with the straight on 17-18 footer. No question he deserves to be on the list.

  • ciolkstar Posted: Sep.2 at 10:53 am
    Camby was the first college player I ever really followed. That UMass team that came out of nowhere and almost had an undefeated season. Finally losing out to Timmmah and Wake Forest. Camby is a great Defender, but I just dont like that slow motion “jump shot ‘ he’s always taking. Dude very rarely gets to the rim. That said, I’m really hoping that he and Kaveman can co-exist and help bolster that young Clipp squad.

  • ciolkstar Posted: Sep.2 at 10:55 am
    I commented before reading the article…And I never knew about that $28,000 payment under the table. Its not a surprise (What was Camby doing playing for UMass anyway?)

  • Lz - Cphfinest3 Posted: Sep.2 at 11:07 am
    48, Seems about right. Will be interesting to see him on the Clippers.

  • TADOne Posted: Sep.2 at 11:09 am
    Camby playing at UMass was probably around the same logic of Odom playing at Rhode Island. Or it could have been that John Calipari was the coach.

  • Holly MacKenzie Posted: Sep.2 at 11:43 am
    Good stuff, Caps. I like how you talk about Camby not having to prove he’s tough. He lets his game speak and I respect him for that. Nice change.

  • darren Posted: Sep.2 at 11:54 am
    ayye hartford stand up

  • DP Posted: Sep.2 at 12:48 pm
    hmm…I guess he deserves to be in the 50 because of his all around play and especially his defense. I forgot this guy even existed. sorry marcus. I guess I don’t recognize the little things that make yo game mothaf*ckn fire.

  • Jukai Posted: Sep.2 at 12:52 pm
    Who will be better next season: Nuggets or the Clip Show?

  • DP Posted: Sep.2 at 1:02 pm
    Nuggets if Carmelo plays something called D and J.R. calms down. Baron, Kaman, and Camby just aren’t a big three I believe in.

  • Russ Bengtson Posted: Sep.2 at 1:45 pm
    It’s hard to put all your energy into guarding your man when you have to help out on everyone else’s.

  • Ryne Nelson Posted: Sep.2 at 1:57 pm
    Touché, Russ.

  • B. Long Posted: Sep.2 at 2:12 pm
    DP: You forgot Al Thornton, who is gonna be an absolute monster next year with Brand gone. Most underrated young player in the L right now. Clips will be fighting for that coveted 8th spot in the West and by December A.I. will be traded for picks the Nuggets will be throwing games for that coveted #1 spot in the draft. Bet on it.

  • Jukai Posted: Sep.2 at 2:30 pm
    Russ: So Camby feels he should let Amare and Gasol drop 40 on him and keep helping his other defenders instead of focusing on them? Okay, man.

  • DP Posted: Sep.2 at 2:42 pm
    touche, Jukai.

  • DP Posted: Sep.2 at 2:45 pm
    Yeah, you are right B about Al. That dude is scary and this year I think he will average around 17 and 7 this year.

  • scott Posted: Sep.2 at 4:33 pm
    I got Camby #25 on my list. This is a guy you can win around. Camby is one of the best defenders in the Association. Camby has plenty of big game experience, can shut you down on defense, and he won’t be intimated. It is my humble belief that this is way too low for Camby.

  • scott Posted: Sep.2 at 4:46 pm
    Jukai…Denver will win more games then the LA Clips but neither team is making the playoffs out west. LA looks like it has a nice roster but seeing how this is the Clippers they aren’t going anywhere.

  • Darksaber Posted: Sep.2 at 5:06 pm
    Good one Russ. We saw how well Carmelo “guards” at Beijing. Even if people do not want to acknowledge modern day Camby man’s defensive skills, y’all non believers need to catch the Knicks playoff run during the lockout season. Sure Spree, Grandma Johnson, Ewing and Allen Houston were the heart (let’t not forget Charlie Ward the righteous, the holy, the immortal) of that team but Camby was a beast on defense back then already.

  • Bubba Chuck Posted: Sep.2 at 5:15 pm
    and…he got traded 2 tha clippers! damnit!

  • The Biz Posted: Sep.2 at 5:22 pm
    The Clips will definetly get more wins then the Nugs Baron,Thornton,Kaman,Camby whoever their two guard is and a decent bench The Nugs only got worse as the Clips improved by leaps and bounds

  • KA Posted: Sep.2 at 5:25 pm
    fan of cambyman ever since his rookie game with him shooting threes and setting up al for dunks, cat can ball. also, 99 finals run as a knick vs young tim, hot. that said gets broken as much as bdiddy does.

  • kevin k Posted: Sep.2 at 5:35 pm
    yea camby was a part of the 99 knicks team but it was the original LJ that was the gritty, physical player who did all the dirty work and hit some huge shots not camby. plus eastern conference was freaking awful and the only decent big man ZO was guarded mostly by LJ. also whoever said camby had a decent 18 footer needs his eyes check. foo has one of the ugliest jumpshots and he killed about 3-7 possession for the nuggets when he tried to run a fastbreak or shooting the long range instead of giving it up and playing his role

  • B. Long Posted: Sep.2 at 6:11 pm
    @The Biz:I could see the Clips running J-Will at the point and B-Diddy at the 2 against smaller teams sometimes which will be absolutely awesome. Cat, Eric Gordon, and Tricky Ricky will all probably get burn at the two.

  • The Biz Posted: Sep.2 at 6:35 pm
    Yeah I see the Clips doin a run an gun type of thing but they could also be a half court team also i was just saying that the clippers will do better than the Nuggets

  • B. Long Posted: Sep.2 at 6:39 pm
    Fo Sho.

  • hansosword Posted: Sep.2 at 7:24 pm
    The problem with these lists is…example#1: Camby over Durant? Right.

  • BETCATS Posted: Sep.2 at 7:31 pm
    he deserved it. G-Force for #45!!!

  • B. Long Posted: Sep.2 at 7:36 pm
    @hansosword:Right now? Very close. 5 years down the road? Not so much.

  • David Posted: Sep.2 at 7:39 pm
    Without looking it up, is Camby really a triple double threat? I always liked Camby’s game and I think his drafting is the brightest part of Isiah Thomas’ post-playing career. Oh - and I think you mean the abbreviated 1999 season.

  • B. Long Posted: Sep.2 at 7:40 pm
    The Nuggets are going to give up 130 pts a game without Marcus. Better get Kenyon to a time machine, pronto!

  • BETCATS Posted: Sep.2 at 8:04 pm
    she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk she got a donk

  • B. Long Posted: Sep.2 at 8:09 pm
    BET, why are you TRYING to get suspended again?

  • B. Long Posted: Sep.2 at 8:11 pm
    This is not gonna get you more hits on your blog, homie.

  • Teddy-the-Bear Posted: Sep.2 at 8:28 pm
    Great pic. Camby is one of the most underrated players you’ll find in the NBA. The Nuggets must have been doing some funky sh!t to give up Camby like that. PS: BETCATS is a retard. He is the number one fan of the Charlotte Crapcats, while being the only fan period. Also, he thinks Gerald Wallace deserves to be in the top 50, which if it does happen, is only by fluke and his value to his team.

  • BETCATS Posted: Sep.2 at 8:28 pm
    yes #1 is correct

  • BETCATS Posted: Sep.2 at 8:36 pm
    Teddy: Fu(K you, and tell your husband James the Balla i said hi. I am not g@y like you two but i am supportive. And sorry i didnt have change for that $20 when your mom approached me young gun, because if you were my kid, you wouldnt be such a dumb b!tch. Get of my BET b@lls homie, your not on my level. But youll see that when my 2nd season preview (the Bobcats one, i did G-State last year) drops. Until then, fu(k you

  • B. Long Posted: Sep.2 at 8:45 pm
    Is Adam Morrison still a Bobcat?

  • B. Long Posted: Sep.2 at 8:45 pm
    Or still in the NBA?

  • B. Long Posted: Sep.2 at 8:46 pm
    Or still alive?

  • BETCATS Posted: Sep.2 at 8:50 pm
    yes yes and yes. One day, on a team where Morrison can play 15 Minutes per game, does not have to practice hard, and will not have Larry Brown as a coach, he will be a productive NBA player. OR if he didnt have Diabetes

  • Teddy-the-Bear Posted: Sep.2 at 8:51 pm
    Which isn’t much, considering he plays for the Charlotte Crapcats.

  • Teddy-the-Bear Posted: Sep.2 at 8:55 pm
    Haha your such an immature little b!tch, BETCATS. But there’s no use in wasting my time with your ignorant @ss on Slamonline, I’m just chillin’ out, saying a few things. And yeah, I don’t know what the hell you fantasize about or what the hell you are talking about with James.. Thats between you two weirdos. And BETCATS, what are you like 12? Yo’ mama jokes? You’ve got to be kidding me. At least try to sound minutely intellectual, dumb f*ck.

  • Teddy-the-Bear Posted: Sep.2 at 8:55 pm
    Fake@ss Internet thugs… Wow. PS: The Charlotte Bobcats suck balls; your balls.

  • BETCATS Posted: Sep.2 at 8:56 pm
    Did i see a comment from a certain Bear, one that has white stuff comming out of its anu$? Is that your stuffing Teddy, or the calling card of James The Balla? I cant tell, i just cant tell!

  • BETCATS Posted: Sep.2 at 8:57 pm
    Thank you for saying the Bobcats suck my b@lls teddy. I know in your Homosexu@l culture, it is considered a high honor to have a b@ll sucker. I am flattered, but i am not that way. Thank you though

  • BETCATS Posted: Sep.2 at 8:58 pm
    and dont start sh!t you cant finish. THis is my website B, (well not really, but i am tight with Ryne, the dude who runs it) so i suggest you either get used to it or go to Dime, or Sports Illustrated for Kids, or Sports Illustrated for f@gs.

  • BETCATS Posted: Sep.2 at 8:59 pm
    Now go calm down, you and James the Balla go take deep breaths and turn on some Moby or Boy George or the Village People, or some indepent g@y rock.

  • Teddy-the-Bear Posted: Sep.2 at 9:08 pm
    Ahahaha @ BETCATS: You’re such an idiot. You know, people who fantasize and call people homo’s are usually homosexual themselves.. So I think you’re in denial. And no, I’m not gay, sorry b!tch…

  • Teddy-the-Bear Posted: Sep.2 at 9:11 pm
    Also @ BETCATS: You’re like a little kid who sucks @ss at everything but clings to the toughest kid in school to avoid being bullied. Pretty sad actually. Get off Ryne’s nuts you sack of sh!t. You’re like an immature 12 year old retard, maybe you have down syndrome? Actually quite possible in your case. I can usually judge character, even on the Internet, and you son are one stupid f*ckin retard. I’m totally serious too, you’re really possess no intelligence whatsoever.

  • Teddy-the-Bear Posted: Sep.2 at 9:16 pm
    PS: The Crapcats suck @ss, so you lose all credibility for being their one and only fan. So in the future, shut your motor mouth trap and remember that you can never win an argument, not even on the Internet. You lose, son. The fact that the Crapcats suck your @ss just makes you lose all credibility. Seriously. Now please, it’s been fun making you cry but on the real, just don’t talk. I think even your idol Gerald Wallace would most definitely appreciate that. Yes CRAPCAT, I win.

  • scott Posted: Sep.2 at 10:08 pm
    Any thoughts on Marcus Camby being ranked way too low on this list?

  • Money Bill Williams Posted: Sep.2 at 11:12 pm
    Teddy, i’ve tried many a time, BETCATS is like a bomerang in he comes right back everytime. if your beef with him is because you reckon he said immature things then read your own comments man, there not to mature either

  • j-smoov 5 Posted: Sep.2 at 11:28 pm
    that’s a good call.

  • Dacre Posted: Sep.2 at 11:32 pm
    scott - I would have put him in the top 40.

  • Joel O's Posted: Sep.3 at 12:14 am
    Making fun of small / new / struggling teams’ fans is not cool. One day karma will bite you in the ass when your team sucks and is “rebuilding”.

  • Joel O's Posted: Sep.3 at 12:20 am
    Better to be a loyal fan of a struggling franchise than to be a trendy bandwagon hopper. Plus for all the pretentious talk of “maturity”, “credibility” and “intelligence”, having to resort to hackneyed and downright insensitive insults like “sack of sh*t” and even worse, “retard”/”down syndrome” to try and put someone else and his team down really is f*cking rich.

  • 76Guy Posted: Sep.3 at 12:32 am
    This was one of the most horribly written articles I’ve ever read. Also, Marcus Camby is the most overrated defender in the NBA. He blocks shots, yes… but plays AWFUL man to man defense.

  • Money Bill Williams Posted: Sep.3 at 1:48 am
    oh damm, you went there Joel

  • Hursty Posted: Sep.3 at 3:51 am
    You all gotta chill Broham. Leave it BET, check your email. co sign Money and Joel O’s.

  • chintao Posted: Sep.3 at 5:55 am
    Grrr. Not a Camby fan. Not knowing the rest off the list and not being sufficiently gifted to be able to conceptualize it, I can’t say whether Dude is Top five-o. Accordingly, I’ll just say that he doesn’t seem like 50 greatest-living-baller material. The reasoning is summed-up in the first sentence of this piece. Marcus “Ow!-relius” is injured ALL THE TIME. Kudos to Caputo for anticipating this “knock”; however, there is no way to counter it. Caputo unconvincingly tries to use the word “tough” to describe 24k-soft Camby. Well, perhaps we define toughness differently. I define toughness as an ability to withstand punishment and to play through pain (See both Charles Oakley and Ron Ron). By the way, it WILL ALWAYS be a serious mistake to invoke those two names in a blurb about Namby-Pamby Camby.

  • chintao Posted: Sep.3 at 6:12 am
    @ Darksaber Sep.2 at 5:06 pm ==> I’m a big ‘Melo booster, so I don’t have much credibility, nevertheless the Beijing comment stuck me as being off-base. Throughout the Olympics, because he was playing the “4″, C-melo was defending much taller and heavier players in the post. From what I recall, he defended pretty admirably by denying position and keeping his hands in the faces of his marks. Now, if you want to talk about his defense as a Nug…. Well, I can’t really fight that… yet. Let’s see if he can respond to the challenge once George Karl gets canned.

  • Darksaber Posted: Sep.3 at 6:13 am
    Marcus OWrelius - good one.

  • Darksaber Posted: Sep.3 at 6:19 am
    Hi Chintao. Well i’ll give you the admirable part, he admiringly faked defense by not using his legs but his arms and chest all the time. I gotta admit he was mismatched against the likes of scola (who isn’t that much bigger or heavier but SKILLED in the post) and Bogut etc, but who else would Krsztzeeztzeyeie-ky have put him on? The 2’s? the 3’s? Ok, fine he seemed to be battling the bigs nicely, but as i’ve stated on multiple posts during the olympics, he has something of a whiny c*nt about him, and not in the Tim Duncan “i’ve won multiple championships, so give ME the mofo call ref” kinda way. I just don’t appreciate Melo being beat off the dribble or being pushed around on picks then swinging at guys after the fact.. call me jaded, i don’t appreciate Carmelo as a player much.

  • Darksaber Posted: Sep.3 at 6:21 am
    Oh and that other phenom, you know, the other one with the headband, plays in the eastern conference, dunked allover the celtics frontcourt during the playoffs? He defended the positions 2 - 5 at times during the olympics. Didn’t look like he wanted to swing at players out of (defensive) frustration :-)

  • Hursty Posted: Sep.3 at 6:50 am
    Chintao the criteria is CURRENTLY PLAYING. Not all time dude.

  • BETCATS Posted: Sep.3 at 10:57 am
    BETCATS won v. Teddy

  • BETCATS Posted: Sep.3 at 10:59 am
    TEDDY: THIS IS MY DOMAIN! MY HOUSE! BET: 1 Teddy: -5

  • BETCATS Posted: Sep.3 at 10:59 am
    and attacking somebody when they offline is real G Teddy. Says a lot about you

  • a_whiteman Posted: Sep.3 at 12:56 pm
    camby got robbed of defensive player of the year ya kg helped boston be the best defensive TEAM but this is an individual award and it should have went ot the 1 guy that played D in Enver

  • chintao Posted: Sep.4 at 12:00 am
    Hursty Sep.3 at 6:50 am ==> Sorry, what I wrote was unclear. By “50-greatest-living”, I meant “currently balling”. My position remains unchanged.

  • chintao Posted: Sep.4 at 12:13 am
    @ Darksaber ==> I respect your opinion on ‘Melo. There is no doubt that his defense has lacked conviction and that he is likely still quite immature. I just hope that he can continue to grow as a person and one day embrace the dedication it takes to be an all-around superstar. Hopefully, he will have the opportunity to meet a coach or player who can school him on philosophy and underscore the importance of defense. Until then, I’ll just keep supporting him for what he’s done (less than he is capable of, but still significant) and who he is (a charitable soul, who frequently acts on ill-advised impulse).

  • chintao Posted: Sep.4 at 12:14 am
    By the way, in case anyone needs a “life coach”, I’m available.

  • chintao Posted: Sep.4 at 12:14 am
    …. I’m looking at you, ‘Melo….

  • Darksaber Posted: Sep.4 at 7:20 pm
    Wow, deep thoughts Chintao. Melo brings out the philosopher in you. Very nicely put by the way. You sure you the same guy who screamed “ball hog, rapist” at Kobe during team usa’s first game against china? :-)

  • chintao Posted: Sep.5 at 3:03 am
    LOL. Philosophy can help people who aren’t over-the-top arrogant. For the rest, we can only shout “Ballhog-Rapist” at the tops of our lungs.

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