SLAMonline Top 50: Dwight Howard, no. 10
The definitive ranking of the best players in the NBA today…
Look in the sky. It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s the Superman Dwight Howard Action Doll by SLAMco.
Faster than a speeding (Washington) Bullet. Stronger than a (Shaq Diesel) locomotive (well, maybe not quite). Able to leap tall defenders in a single bound. Truly a man of steel (never missed a game throughout his four-year NBA career), Dwight Howard is the new poster child for NBA centers, making lumbering, immobile centers a thing of the past. And now, thanks to SLAMco’s limited time offer, he can be yours.
Owners of the original SLAMco NBA Superman Action Doll, the Shaquille O’Neal model, will be glad to know this one is new and improved. After complaints of children drowning in the amount of sweat produced by the O’Neal doll, Howard is relatively sweat-free! Plus, instead of spewing Kobe-hating rap lyrics and performing obscene phone calls like O’Neal, the Dwight Howard edition recites the Bible! Additionally, he is capable of hitting free throws (kinda, sorta)!
Still not sold on the dominance of Dwight Howard and your need for the SLAMco Superman Dwight Howard Action Doll? Despite only playing four years in the League, and not blowing out the candles on his 23rd birthday cake until December, Howard led the NBA in total rebounds three times, made the All-NBA and All-Star teams twice, and won a gold medal this summer in Beijing. And at 6-11, he is the tallest cat to win the Slam Dunk contest. With a still developing offensive game (his points per game has increased every year he has played) and intimidating shot-blocking skills, Howard is the complete package.
Better still, this superhero doesn’t just feast off the small and weak of the League. Against his top two opponents for the NBA’s top center crown last season, Yao Ming and Amare Stoudemire, Super Dwight averaged 25 points, 15 boards and 1.8 blocks per. Now is that superhuman or what!
So kids get out there and purchase your very own SLAMco Superman Dwight Howard Action Doll, for only $19.99. Considering the real Dwight Howard costs almost $14 million a year, you save over 13 million dollars! Doll comes with Orlando Magic uniform, Superman Slam Dunk contest outfit and Dwight’s ever-present muscle-hugging white undershirt. And if you order now, as a special bonus SLAMco will throw in Orlando’s J.J. Redick at no additional charge! No, not a J.J. Redick Action Doll, the real J.J. Redick! Barely used, almost brand new! So order your SLAMco Superman Dwight Howard Action Doll today while supplies last. Phone booth sold separately.
Want more of the SLAMonline Top 50? Check out the archive.