Wednesday, January 14th, 2009 at 9:21 am  |  46 responses

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Line Of The Night — LeBron

Now and forever. Or at least the next 10 years.

Line Of The Night:

LeBron James — 30 points, 11 boards, 10 assists, 3 steals, 1 block

Is it all over? Do we call the next 6-10 years, with a retirement sprinkled in here or there, and hand the title to LeBron and [fill in whatever team he is on]? Are the days of legitimately not really knowing who is going to win the title when we get to the Playoffs over? Are we back on the Jordan/Hakeem/Shobe time line?

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Detroit Pistons — 78 points vs. Charlotte Bobcats

‘Sheed Wallace is called for a faker-than-Rick Ross offensive foul. He amazingly avoids the assumed tech, but the Bobcats get the ball with the score tied, nonetheless. Raymond Felton gets the rock, preparing for the final shot with his signature herky-jerk, bow-legged gate. Swop. Game. Felton runs down the court, screaming indignantly, daringly, to anyone that will listen… Trade ME!??!?!?! TRAAAAADE ME!!!!

But in all honestly, reports are that defensive performance came as a result of Larry Brown, in practice, shouting, with an autotuner: “Find your man and rotate, find your man and rotate/’Cause the vagabond is back, I said the vagabond is back”.

NBA-Tinged Lyric Of The Night:

“I’m next on the table, who want whut?/I am champ-i-on, at beer pong/Allen I-ver-soon, Hakeem O-la-ju-won,” Asher Roth, “College“

A whiteboy rapping about college over a guitar-based based? Sounds like a recipe for disaster… until you throw in Iverson and Olajuwon references. Asher Roth pulls it off, and the catchiness is undeniable. It will be literally impossible to spend any time in a college frat house this semester and not here this song. Now, trust, A.I. and the Dream will be there too. If it really makes you feel better, throw the Jones version on, instead. Hmmm, maybe we didn’t help ourselves with that last suggestion.

Back In The Day Of The Night:

Darius Miles — 13 points, 1 head bump

Offense, and only offense, but he managed a dunk that led to the infamous head tap! D-Miles? Q-Rich? L-Eezy? It was all good just a week ago. And Portland — THERE’S ONLY 1 GAME LEFT!!!

Shaqism Of The Night:

Shaq has blessed us with his latest nickname: now calls himself Shaq-ovic “because if you go around the League anybody with the last name ‘vic’ is a great shooter.”

This was after he claimed to finally find the cure to his free throw ills (he went 12-12 over the course of two games). Of course last night, he came back to America (from Eastern Europe) a little with a 6-11 performance from the stripe. No complaints here though. Whatever keeps you happy and talking, big fella. Our favorite Shaq story of the year though, is Steve Kerr’s account that the Diesel often goes to Wal-Mart following home games, picks up some items… and anyone else’s bill that happens to be standing in line! Awesome. We don’t support Wal-Mart, but that’s still great.

Studio Show Of The Night:

Put it on the board. With the Chuckster out for awhile following his most recent run-in with another personal vice, it’s NBA GameNight time. CWebb and Gary Payton are everything Kenny and Chuck USED to be. They completely wile out. They are still connected enough with current players that they really have some inside ish and relationships, so when CWebb throws somebody under the bus–we’re looking at you, Coach O’Brien–it rings true. And did we mention they really just wile out? Gary Payton on the fake cover of Cat Lovers magazine? Love it. And yeah, Ahmad gets zero credit.

Eddy Curry. We only PRAY that he hadn’t put on all this new weight at the time he was running around naked. But really not a pretty sight, either way… Because the superthug is back. IS BACK. The superthug is back… Minnesota finally loses, but Randy Foye stayed hot, dropping 29/8 asts./5 rebs./1 stl. The awakening… And that was the only coaching change that did anything, right? The Kings’ certainly did not work, unless they were looking to give up 139 points, including 23-37 3-point shooting! That’s a record, Orlando…