Thursday, January 29th, 2009 at 9:32 am  |  14 responses

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Line Of The Night — SophCity

If Mike Dunleavy coached Earl Watson, would Obama shutdown the NBA?

by Shannon Booher

Line Of The Night:

Kevin Durant — 35 points, 10 boards, 6 assists, 4 blocks

See below to see why this line should have been altered. Maybe fewer stats, maybe more, but definitely different if not for the always brilliant decision-making of Earl Watson.

Worst Of The Night:

Earl Watson — 6 points, 5 assists, 2 boards, 1 steal, 1 turnover

The line looks innocent enough… but it only took one play to reveal the rotten core of this bad apple. During the final minute, his team was up 4–a crucial possession. He pounded the ball to the court for most of the shot clock then used a Nick Collison screen to get an off-the-dribble mid-range J. CLANG (of course). Long rebound, which led to… a wide open fast break dunk for his man, Mike Conley.

Hey, Earl. There’s this guy on your team… he’s about 6-9… a phenom out of the East Coast. Oh, he’s also your leading score… oh and he’s the one that’s been KILLING the Grizz all night. Kevin Durant ring any bells? No? How about your position, point guard… are you familiar with the concept of getting the ball into the hands of the most capable scorer? Leading your team on the offensive end? Trying to get your team points? Hmm… nothing there either, huh?

We don’t know if Scott Brooks called that particular play, but we do know that it seemed like he took the ball out of ol’ Earl’s hands in OT. In the extra period, Brooks had Russell Westbrook running the show, who evidently has heard of one Kevin Wayne Durant. KD dominates. Thunder win.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Washington Wizards — 71 points vs. Miami

The M-I-Yayo might be famous for those slangin’ that rock, but the Wiz thought they were supposed to clang that rock, last night. 37 percent from the field… 15 percent from the land of three… 69 percent from the charity stripe. Now that is grosser than Rick Ross clipping his toenails, naked, on South Beach. AND picking his nose.

Charlotte Bobcats — 74 points vs. Portland

Like the fate of Jamal Malik, the result of this game was written. Beat the best team in the League in triple-OT, then play your second game in two nights on the road against another top team, all while losing your top score to a broken rib and collapsed lung? Recipe for how to catch an L.

The Clip Joint — 75 points vs. Chicago

Chicago gives up an average of about 102 points a game. Yes, the Clippers forgot to play a quarter (the 3rd). Yes, this is just another notch on Mike Dunleavy’s belt of offensive underachievement. And, yes, DeAndre Jordan can officially handle finishing the alley oop. He had 3 sick ones in this game.

Near Fat Lever Of The Night:

Dwyane Wade — 14 points, 9 boards, 9 assists, 3 steals

The highlight? Check assist No. 9 at about the 1:20 mark of this video.

The Mailroom Supervisor’s Not Honey Of The Night:

After seeing Carmelo Anthony on the bench “rocking” a white sweater over a green shirt, a tie, and green/brown plaid pants, the MRSV exclaimed: “Oh my god. Carmelo looks like a leprechaun… or a golfer.”

Not a ringing endorsement.

Career-High Of The Night:

T.J. Ford — 34 points, 3 assists, 2 steals, 1 board

With Danny Granger sitting this one out with a knee injury, Ford took it upon himself to pick up the scoring slack. That decision resulted in a career-high scoring output and a win over the Bucks, with whom the Pacers are competing for that No. 8 spot. We love T.J., and perhaps inexplicably so. That love can only mean one thing… Revolutionary status.

Rivalry Of The Night:

NBA rivalries… Celtics/Lakers? Knicks/Pacers? Spurs/Mavs? How about Raptors/Nets? It’s arguably one of the closest things to an actual rivalry in the League right now. There is still T-Dot-O animosity toward Vinsanity, they met in the Playoffs a couple years back, and two out of this year’s four matches have been decided on the final shot (including last night’s when Devin Harris DID JOEY GRAHAM UP, only to miss the open J). Now they are fighting each other (OK, and maybe five other teams) for a potential Playoff berth. We’re reaching here, yes. But it feels like a rivalry.

NBA-Tinged Lyric Of The Night:

“The world listening to these words I say/Even if a n*gga talkin’ ’bout the NBA/Ron Artest says, ‘Stat, what about the rappers?’/Well, Ron most of these n*ggas is f*ckin’ actors”, “Liars”

“Gettin’ green like Rondo, plus the ring pronto”, “Intermission”

“Left my label, it’s they loss/Like the Hawks in the Playoffs/I hate snitches like Jews hate Adolf”, “Intermission”

Those are off of Stat Quo’s QuoCity mixtape. If Freeway got comeback MC of the month last month, then Stat is looking for that same honor. Although Stat has never really achieved the heights Freeway has, so maybe it’s more like a most improved award. He is definitely looking for the hustle award as well, as this is the third mixtape in a planned one-per-month, 12-month series.

Rookies vs. Sophs Of The Night:

Can the Rookies end the Sophs six-year reign of terror? We say no, that Durant-led Soph roster is just too nice. Highest pick not to make the Rookie squad–Kevin Love. Nobody said that chicks dig the rebound, Kevin. Sophs that didn’t re-up–Mike Conley, Chairman Yi, Juan Carlos Navarro, Jamario Moon and Sean Williams. Wow… THOSE guys were top rookies last year?

Rookies:

Michael Beasley, F, MIA
Rudy Fernandez, G, POR
Marc Gasol, C, MEM
Eric Gordon, G, LAC
Brook Lopez, C, NJN
O.J. Mayo, G, MEM
Greg Oden, C, POR
Derrick Rose, PG, CHI
Russell Westbrook, PG, OKC

Sophs:

Aaron Brooks, PG, HOU
Wilson Chandler, F, NYK
Kevin Durant, GF, OKC
Jeff Green, F, OKC
Al Horford, PF, ATL
Luis Scola, PF, HOU
Al Thornton, F, LAC
Rodney Stuckey, G, DET
Thaddeous Young, F, PH

Anthony Parker for Prime Minister… stay tuned for the L.O.N./Kanye/Louis Vuitton collabo. We are thinking scarves. Or maybe belts?… And one more time, for posterity’s sake, CWebb and GP in one of the best top-10 play sequences of all time.