Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 at 9:04 am  |  54 responses

L.O.N. — Apocalyptic Ether

No-no-no-noooo-torious!

by Shannon Booher

After the wildly weird and uncomfortable Lil Wayne/Skip Bayless/Dana Jacobson ESPN segment, we’re not sure if we are actually writing this or if we now exist in a post-apocalyptic ether… not to mention Kobe praise is found in these here margins. Yeah, post-apocalyptic ether it is. Eeeeeeeee-ther boy.

Line Of The Night:

Kobe's Forearm First Team DefenseChris Paul — 32 points, 15 assists, 3 boards, 3 steals

David West only had 40 because of CP3 so dead the protests. This double-headed monster took down the Lakers in the Staples Center, and now quietly have the second best record in the West. No. 3 by mere percentage points? Spid-durs. Believe the Lakers hype at your own peril.

Obligatory Kobe Praise Of The Year Of The Night:

#10. Really? #10? We’ll give #1 to Caron, but beyond that… take it from here, Seth and Amy. REAALLY?!? A former dunk champ blocks a midget’s shot and that’s higher? REAAAAALLLY?!? A former dunk champ hits a tip dunk and that’s higher? REAAAAAAAAAALLY?!? The Kobster’s teammate does a basic spin and dunk, and that’s higher? Really?!? Ok, we take part of it back… the Dwight Howard tip dunk was absolutely supertastic.

Near Beast Of The Night:

Marcus Camby — 19 boards, 10 points, 4 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

Sorry, Marcus. Honestly. [whispering] Clip Joint loses… again … 107-102 in Dallas.

Tribute Track Of The Night:

If you came up when L.O.N. did, then we dare you not to shed a tear listening to Jadakiss and Faith’s “Letter To B.I.G.“. Right from the top when he says, “In your memory I keep a Coogi in Notorious postermy closet/Kangol on the rack with fresh pair of Wally’s”… that hits deep. To be honest, we are scared about the upcoming biopic, Notorious. Obama or no Obama, no matter how good it is–even if it was Oscar-worthy–there’d be the mainstream idiots out there trivializing the fact that the movie even exists. So we beg… please, please, please let this movie be good, so at least we can feel good about defending it. Because it WILL be defended. Word to Ron Artest.

Rookie Of The Night:

Eric Gordon — 32 points, 6 assists, 3 boards

Give the man 46 minutes against the still-not-so-good-at-D Mavs, and you get 32 points. How does a team with so many outstanding individual performances win so few games? Oh… right… their coach is Mike Dunleavy.

Old Jason Kidd Of The Night:

Jason Kidd — 10 boards, 8 assists, 3 steals, 3 points, 1 block

Only Kidd misses the Near Triple-Double due to lack of scoring. It’s his new signature. Maybe he should get it tattooed on his ring finger. If Brett Favre comes back again, on any given Sunday next fall, Kidd total points in a game vs. Favre interceptions might be a 50/50 proposition.

Not Ideal Follow Up Of The Night:

McGradles — 14 points on 5-15 shooting, 9 assists, 4 boards, 3 steals, 1 loss to the Sixers, 1 tragically gimpy knee

Just a guess, but if you were playing Apples To Apples, and the card said, “Best Follow Up To Defiant Media Comments,” you would not throw down your “5-15 shooting performance while limping around leading to a loss” card.

A Tribe/Jordan collabo? That’s the definition of L.O.N. Sick… To the Mavs courtside seat fan in the lower lefthand corner of your screen with the pink clappers: ENOUGH!… The Grizz waived DMiles following Tuesday’s loss, but at least he got this block in. But no fist-to-head bump!… MJ was all smiles after his Bobcats beat the Cs. Big win, right? But the real reason for the smile? FREE BASKETBALL!!!, of course… Harlem, get light… Alexis Ajinca or Nathan Jawai? QUICK! NOW!!!! SAY IT!!! PICK ONE NOW!!! DO IT!!! HURRY! NOW! IMMEDIATELY!!!

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  • Moose Posted: Jan.7 at 9:10 am
    Rajon Rondo had a career high in turnovers yesterday. Sigh.

  • Vannshy Posted: Jan.7 at 9:13 am
    for CP3 you forgot to add 0 turnover in 44 minutes, the guy is a beast.

  • Hursty Posted: Jan.7 at 9:13 am
    Did Camby score any points? What about Scola’s 16 and 17?

  • From out of Nowhere Posted: Jan.7 at 9:26 am
    IIRC, Camby had 10 points.

  • TADOne Posted: Jan.7 at 9:40 am
    Eric Gordon had 31 agianst the Pistons on Sunday and 32 last night. If he isn’t still starting in the backcourt with Baron when he comes back, i’ll be highly disappointed.

  • mat smith Posted: Jan.7 at 10:04 am
    the DHoward dunk was like an open layup, nobody blocked out and he is 7ft tall, whats good about that?

  • Fresh Posted: Jan.7 at 10:38 am
    I am disappointed Darius Miles got let go from the Grizzles i think that injury really killed his future. and i agree with hursty scola 16 and 17 is reallly close to beast of the night and dwight howard in a far 3rd because he is always a beast and dunks. Unlinke Scola

  • ciolkstar Posted: Jan.7 at 11:01 am
    Eric Gordon is so hot right now that I can’t bring myself to drop him for JR Smith. I’m still worried about whether George Karl wants to hand the keys to JR and Kleiza’s recent play has been begging for some more minutes. Basically, I can’t drop Gordon as long as he’s playing 40+ minutes nightly. Right?

  • ciolkstar Posted: Jan.7 at 11:03 am
    I am definitely worried that “Notorious” is going to be wack. I desperately want it to be good, but I just don’t see it.

  • Myles Brown Posted: Jan.7 at 11:04 am
    That movie scares the sh*t outta me on so many levels. And Im still surprised Pac didnt get one first. Though I guess that biopic counts.

  • Khalid Salaam Posted: Jan.7 at 11:06 am
    I have very low expectation about Notorious but so what. I”m gonna see it regardless. BI was that dude.

  • Ryne Nelson Posted: Jan.7 at 11:07 am
    Pac’s biopic should never have been made. Nice concept, poor result.

  • Ryan Jones Posted: Jan.7 at 11:10 am
    For accountability’s sake, I’m just gonna post this everywhere today:
    “H to the Izzo Posted: Jan.6 at 10:33 am
    Ryan:If your Nittany Lion (whatever the hell a Nittany Lion is) manage to beat Purdue I’ll shave a portrait of Joe Paterno onto my head.”
    Do they have good barbers in Dublin?

  • Ryan Jones Posted: Jan.7 at 11:12 am
    And biopics of really famous people whose lives were exhaustively documented on film while they were alive are, generally speaking, a horrible and wholly unnecessary idea.

  • Anton Posted: Jan.7 at 12:11 pm
    lol “forearm first team defense”

  • Nbk Posted: Jan.7 at 12:18 pm
    I want everyone who thinks David West earns his 40point games that did not watch the game last night to check out either David West’s shots chart or read the play by play. Dude did not ATTEMPT a layup until about 9:30 left in the 3rd quarter. He attempted all jump shots except 2 layups, a dunk, and a missed layup. I don’t remember off the top of my head but I think every one of his field goals except 2 came from assists. If his 40 point performance last night does not show how reliant he is on his teammates and his jumpshot then all the david west fan’s will never figure it out.

  • Jackie Moon Posted: Jan.7 at 12:28 pm
    It helps David West when Lamar Odom is not guarding David West. Also, Kobe was amazing. Also, zero turnovers and all the real assists by Chris Paul was amazing.

  • Anton Posted: Jan.7 at 1:20 pm
    Near Braindead Knowledge

  • Krishan Posted: Jan.7 at 1:46 pm
    Wow nbk. Just. WOW.

  • Jukai Posted: Jan.7 at 1:51 pm
    Everyone knows David West is whatever Chris Paul makes him to be, but give the dude some props, he DID hit enough shots that Paul handed him to get 40

  • Krishan Posted: Jan.7 at 1:52 pm
    Actually I watched that game, and I coulda swore chris paul in the 5 minute mark of the first quarter mutated into a winged invisible creature and proceeded to guide every outside shot david west took into the hoop.

  • TADOne Posted: Jan.7 at 1:55 pm
    You saw that too, Krishan?!!! Whew, I just figured I had some bad rum.

  • Tom Posted: Jan.7 at 2:21 pm
    I’m with you Krishan and TAD, did the Mailman ever get this much hate for playing with Stockton???? Because he got his points almost the exact same way West is getting his

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  • TADOne Posted: Jan.7 at 2:31 pm
    Tom, Krishan: This debate is much more enjoyable/laughable in the Post Up. Come on thru, we would love to have ya!

  • Fresh Posted: Jan.7 at 2:56 pm
    yea honestly get off David West back even if he is being spoon fed the ball. but i think david west might have a lil more skill than Malone in the area of shooting from the perimeter. lets face it all the greatest passes dont mean much if the receiver doesnt make the hoop. and west was shooting over a legit 7 footer and David west isnt near seven not even in his shoes

  • jaymes Posted: Jan.7 at 3:10 pm
    @nbk..They beat the Lakes at Staples, West gets 40 and you still manage to hate…It’s a team game, i’m sure Byron Scott would enjoy seeing West get 60 points from assists.

  • ciolkstar Posted: Jan.7 at 3:19 pm
    West is straight up deadly from the midrange, I hate his game (partially because the Mailman comparisons are pretty accurate)and think CP3 makes him much better. But he’s damn efficient and Paul isn’t making all those jumpers for him. NBK is just mad because he’s been talking D. west down all week. Dude, you just dont know nearly as much as you think you do about hoops.

  • NBK Posted: Jan.7 at 3:21 pm
    or ya’ll don’t

  • NBK Posted: Jan.7 at 3:25 pm
    its just an opinion, ciolk, the fact that everyone gets so worked up when i said one thing about david west is entertaining especially considering the amount of people that come on here and just say things with no evidence either way. My opinion is an educated one I do not need to poor all my basketball credentials out respect my opnion or not don’t tell me i dont know much about hoops you don’t know me

  • jtherkal Posted: Jan.7 at 3:31 pm
    that mcgrady crack was hilarious. apples to apples!

  • jaymes Posted: Jan.7 at 3:38 pm
    Knowledge or none, give credit where it’s due, the game’s about winning..Maybe Paul doesn’t get his line without a reliable shooter?

  • NBK Posted: Jan.7 at 3:41 pm
    maybe but thats what NO is, is reliable shooters minus chandler. David West is a very good player there is not much more to be said

  • jaymes Posted: Jan.7 at 3:45 pm
    True, he may have limited capacity but like Dirty harry said ‘man’s gotta know his limitations’. As long as West doesn’t get Boozerish and think he’s better than the service he’s getting, NO will contend.

  • Allenp Posted: Jan.7 at 4:08 pm
    NBK is having the same argument in two different posts. I have learned something important here.

  • ciolkstar Posted: Jan.7 at 4:12 pm
    I stand firmly by my quote: “you just dont know nearly as much AS YOU THINK YOU DO about hoops.” Not that you don’t know anything, but your opinions are just that, opinions. You’re on here preaching and acting high and mighty pretty much all day every day, even trying to discount West’s big game because it mostly came from jumpers.

  • Dacre Posted: Jan.7 at 5:05 pm
    NBK, there is a different between saying an opinion and stating the opposite of a blatent truth… If D. West can get the ball in from anywhere…let alone right near the basket, doesn’t that say a whole lot more about LAKERS defense last night than anything else…?

  • Dacre Posted: Jan.7 at 5:06 pm
    Who in there right mind wouldn’t want to go for 40 points on jump shooting…dammit that would be INSANE…
    Kobe tried it in the 3rd quarter…

  • NBK Posted: Jan.7 at 5:19 pm
    I know just as much as I think I know, I don’t claim to know anything at all, like I said it is an opinion you don’t have to agree but it come from my point of view. I act all high and mighty because I stick by my opinions and defend myself when people talk sh1t? Then yeah I act high and mighty, maybe ya’ll don’t know as much about me as you think you do? Or maybe everyone takes their own meaning out of what people say and obviously if what I say presses buttons people are going to get pissed but that still does not mean I am right or wrong. If you get upset about my opinion then that is something you need to take up with a therapist or elemntary school teacher or your parents, or wife, or whoever can help you learn how to accept other peoples opinions and strictly that an opinion of someone else.

  • B. Long Posted: Jan.7 at 5:34 pm
    (sighs)

  • Shannon Booher Posted: Jan.7 at 5:36 pm
    I should’ve just left the West sentence out.

  • jaymes Posted: Jan.7 at 5:37 pm
    Regardless of what you do or don’t know about hoops or anyone’s claims to know what makes you tick, you took a shot at DWest when he had 40 in a win at Staples. Surely you were expecting some blow back.

  • Joey Posted: Jan.7 at 5:44 pm
    West had a fantastic game.
    But it was fools gold. the hornets win was fools gold. those 2 blowouts in NO by the Lakers weren’t exactly a fluke

  • jaymes Posted: Jan.7 at 5:56 pm
    Who can beat LA without it being considered fools gold?

  • Teddy-the-Bear Posted: Jan.7 at 7:14 pm
    Look, the Biggie movie shouldn’t be defended just because its about Biggie. It may very well be a bad movie. I mean, come on now, it has Puff Daddy in it as a character!
    I haven’t seen it yet, but come on now! Anything with Puff Daddy in it makes me throw up a little in my mouth. That’s just me…

  • Dacre Posted: Jan.7 at 7:52 pm
    jaymes Posted: Jan.7 at 5:56 pm
    Who can beat LA without it being considered fools gold?
    ________________________________________________
    Probably Rodman and the dwarfs….that would be a big win right there.,… Where did this fools gold tag come from…? Its like swagger….
    you either get the W or you dont…you dont get no pretend win…

  • Dacre Posted: Jan.7 at 7:54 pm
    Nbk..that was the lst straw really…telling professional sports writers and fellow fans alike that they need to see a doctor. You need to just grow up plain and simple.

  • Dacre Posted: Jan.7 at 7:57 pm
    T-Mac has been the best player in the league since 2000.
    Do you get it…

  • jaymes Posted: Jan.7 at 8:12 pm
    Dacre..You for real with the ‘Tmac best since 2000′?

  • Hursty Posted: Jan.7 at 9:22 pm
    Absolutely Jaymes. You need to check the tmac ‘i’ll have the last laugh’ wire post. Then you’ll understand.

  • jaymes Posted: Jan.7 at 9:53 pm
    Gotcha..Wow i’m speechless..

  • jaymes Posted: Jan.7 at 10:11 pm
    The poor lad (NBK) is a little out of his league when he gets on his rants. The fact he picked a game when West gets 40 to bag the manor in which he got ‘em did it for me…I’ll give him credit, he sticks to his guns- but the guns have crooked sights.

  • chintao Posted: Jan.8 at 1:25 am
    “Word to Ron Artest.” I love that.

  • Hursty Posted: Jan.8 at 6:35 am
    *sigh* jaymes, we ‘deal’ with this on a semi-daily basis. If you’re a regular commenter, you’ll know this haha.

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