Saturday, May 30th, 2009 at 8:00 am  |  45 responses

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SLAMonline Mock Draft: Jonny Flynn, No. 10

“Mill-e-wah-que” is Algonquin for “Where an Orangeman’s charisma goes to die.”

by Ben Collins

A couple of days ago, Bucks GM John Hammond stood above a podium, hunched and slightly sweaty, and delivered his State of the Buck.

“Basically,” he said, “the state of the Buck is as follows: there is no buck. And by that I mean there are no bucks. The Bucks are not in the business of having bucks anymore. There are not enough bucks to field some adequate Bucks.”

Reporters looked confused. Even more confused than usual. (Impossible! I know!)

“Look, a**holes, basically, it’s this: we’re out of money. We’ve actually been out of money for the past 15 years but people just keep forgetting we’re in the NBA. Cleveland’s travel coordinator cried when he saw “MIL” on the schedule last year. After a half-hour coddling Nuprin and staring at the schedule, he came to the conclusion they were making four team-visits to a pasteurization center.

“Anyways, back to the point. We have no money. Can I say that any clearer? Ninguno dinero. You guys should have figured this out by now, anyway. This isn’t even a podium, it’s a deli counter we got from the Costco that just shut down across the street.”

It was. So this explained two things:

1) The reporters weren’t confused by Hammond’s ambiguous opening financial statement, but were merely trying to figure out what to order from Hammond’s handy meat cabinet and,

2) With the 10th pick in the 2009 SLAMonline Mock Draft, the Milwaukee Bucks select…

Jonny Flynn.

Although the pantry o’ cold cuts was, in fact, a good dual-purpose deal for the Bucks organization, this acquisition absorbed the final $22 left in payroll. The fact that the closed Costco had more name players as greeters (“Welcome to Costco, my name is Ryan Leaf, would you like to buy some narcotics?“) than the Bucks currently have on their entire roster is what started the no-star, no-podium era in Milwaukee.

What we can derive from all of this is that Ramon “I had 24 assists in a game once, remember?” Sessions will absolutely not be back because the benjamins needed to re-sign him are in the ol’ meat freezer.

So who’s the best available point guard? And who’s the one with hopefully enough charisma to keep Milwaukeeites away from the free sample cart at the now uncontested Sam’s Club near the arena?

Your only answer is Jonny Flynn, the NBA’s second-worst-kept promise secret. What’s to like? Dude can get to the rim from anywhere and doesn’t need technology to get there, unlike future teammates Andrew Bogut (needs MRI machine clearance before going to the rim), Charlie Villanueva (must check his Twitter first), or Dan Gadzuric (needs a goddamn hovercraft, for all we know). In fact, sometimes he turns people into technologies — like stepladders — when he wants to dunk on them. Resourceful, this kid.

He has a midrange jumper and he’s only 20, he has a wise-beyond-his-years knowledge and feel for the game, he cares about team defense, and he has tremendous teeth. Seriously. Check those things out. You could also add: “can afford Crest with Whitening all by himself.” We’re talking about the Bucks, here.

Plus, you’ve seen him take over tournament games. If his worst-case scenario NBA projection is a JR Smith type — a guy who could bust out like he’s being cattle prodded once every five games — that kind of thing has value and immediate impact on a team that doesn’t have one player who can do that on any night.

Some argue that Flynn might not actually be a point guard, that he’s really a shoot-first-leaning combo guard. This, yes, would be a huge problem unless the Bucks didn’t have a gaping hole at the 2 as well. Even if Michael Redd comes back perfectly healthy and not fat (NOT LIKELY), that doesn’t preclude Luc Richard Mbah-a-Moute from having to play 40 minutes per again next year at the 3. Scott Skiles would have to find more hair to pull out if that happened. So, Jonny, even if you completely mess this up, you can’t completely mess this up.

And, hey, looks like Charlie V’s contract is up. Can you play some 4, Jonny? They might need you there, too. Also, do you have any experience in used meat slicers? John got a really good deal on one last week. He’s in the practice room right now trying to rig it into a shotclock.

Welcome to Milwaukee, Mr. Flynn. We’ll never see your nice teeth again.