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Thursday, February 25th, 2010 at 12:25 pm  |  33 responses

Caron Butler’s Straw-Chewing: Banned

The NBA: Where Tackling Completely Unimportant Issues Happens: “The NFL is cracking down on human-growth hormones. Major League Baseball has had enough of steroids. And the NBA? A DallasBasketball.com investigation (seriously) reveals that the NBA is committed to curing basketball of oral fixations … and therefore Caron Butler – who suddenly is unavailable to go tonight against the Lakers due to a negative reaction to a medication – is going to have to perform without his weird addiction of chewing plastic straws. Yes, I’m serious! The immediate issue, of course, is Caron’s absence for tonight. Without him, the Mavs will have to scramble to find matchup advantages against the West-leading Lakers. But the far-reaching issue is the plastic-straw controversy. ‘They say it’s against the rules,’ Mavs owner Mark Cuban told DB.com just moments ago. ‘That’s all I know.’”

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  • D

    whahahahahahaahahah
    ………thats just sad

  • http://www.slamonline.com/ niQ

    Redonculous.

  • Roberto

    I’d like to see where in the rule book that a player cannot chew on straws. Is it worded exactly like that or do they make it sound fancy “a beverage dispensing unit?”

  • The D Train

    maybe he should trade his straws and a wadded up piece of used toilet paper for a piece of gum, then reacquire the straws after 30 days. the league would have to allow that transaction, correct?

  • Stillballin

    He should chew tabaco.. So he can spit all over the court.. That’s not again any rules right??

  • Earl

    Please.

  • J-City

    Can the NBA please ban players chewing on their mouthguards too? Or give them a T for doing so. Take that Jameer and Lebron… seems to fit into the ‘oral fixations’ rule.

  • Matt Joe

    Please, this is such a waste of time.

  • http://www.lkz.ch/basket Darksaber

    David Stern, if this is your idea of a joke, it’s on you! How pathetic and petty.

  • memyselfand9

    add gerald wallace to that list @j-city.

  • Th3_R3al_Chris

    Can SlamOnline find some people who will paraphrase? It’s annoying reading a something, finding it somewhat intriguing, then clicking the link to find that the paragraph I just read was copied-and-pasted from the linked article. Are the current columnists volunteering? Because if they are getting paid for this then CTC and I’ll do a far better job here.

  • JAMS

    all jokes aside, I used to chew straws in high school. chew on them, fold them up, then chew some more so it fit entirely in my mouth. I don’t remember when I got out of the habit.
    I used to chew during high school games. The ref told me “I cannot chew gum on the court” so i pulled out the straw, and got the best WTF look ever. thats my story for the day.

  • http://fjkld.com Jukai

    This is f*cking pitiful.

  • http://fjkld.com Jukai

    Th3_R3al_Chris: Then just stop coming to SLAM online. Christ. The entire point of the news section is just to present the reader with articles, not write paragraphs about them. You’ve complained about this three times yet have still not figured out that just copying and pasting a quote is how it works.
    So, if you’re unhappy, comment on another website.

  • SWIFTboy

    @Jukai: Imagine how pissed he’d be if he frequented this site back when it was Lang’s ‘The Links’ only, and the ENTIRE website was basically just a bunch of links. His head would explode.

  • http://www.realcavsfans.com Anton

    lol @ D Train

  • Th3_R3al_Chris

    I’ve actually been a regular to this site since 2001, SWIFTboy. I’ve taken journalism classes. This is actually a new trend on here that has developed in recent months. My complaint is valid.

  • Th3_R3al_Chris

    Huge difference when you go from this to Marcel’s news on Big Z.

  • Shem

    @ the real chris: if you don’t like the articles there are many other basketball websites .. ive also seen you complain 2 or 3 times on other news feeds

  • http://twitter.com/PDXGayBBall dma

    was he chewing the straws before he got to the Mavericks? because if so… stern really has it for the mavs

  • nastierthanu

    @ the real. Take it up with H.R. @ d train awesome. Big ups to D stern. He’s so gangsta he can ban a player from chewing on a straw.

  • horsey

    really? i know journalism classes at the university of phoenix and your ugly betty fan fiction give you plenty of confidence, but there’s no way you can be mad at this. its just a different part of the site. it’s like being mad at drew brees for not kicking more field goals.

  • dmonz

    next thing you know, they’ll be banning Cornrows and Dreadlocks on the court.. GIMME A BREAK!!!!!!!!

  • TL

    No one posted this yet, so here it is…Caron talkin bout chewin straws

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Yv4aI5CagQ

  • Tom

    WTF! David Stern

  • Jon

    @dmonz u better delete that comment asap. if david stern reads that that what he’ll do. u know his stance on “hip-hop culture”. this straws thing is really a joke. i hope someone is just playing around.

  • underdog

    It’s nice to see the NBA concentrates on the real problems.

  • Th3_R3al_Chris

    The intelligence level in this comment section is humorous.

  • RedRum

    hmm… maybe the NBA should start tackling growth hormone and nadrolone as well… the NBA anti-doping policy is a joke… one test during training camp… please…

  • Largo

    He used to chew straws with the wizards!

  • Teddy-the-Bear

    That’s just f*cking ridonkey kong.

  • markymark

    I read somewhere that Caron’s wife picks up 50 straws whenever she goes to Mcdonald’s hahahaha

  • therighttoremainsalient

    @Th3_R3al_Chris – If your looking for some half baked, quasi-truths that don’t facts get in the way of a good story then head over to ESPN…

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