Friday, March 12th, 2010 at 11:18 am  |  136 responses

Sure Shot

They say a picture’s worth 1,000 words. But you only need a couple to win.

Bill Russell & Dwight HowardIn many ways, Dwight Howard is a direct descendant of the legendary Bill Russell: Unselfish on offense, big rebound numbers and copious blocked shots despite being short of 7-0. On the other hand, some SLAM readers claim Dwight disrespected shot-blocking in SLAM 134 when his “How-To” advice included “block it into the crowd.” There’s also the little matter of rings (or lack thereof). None of this answers what the two were laughing about over All-Star Weekend. Got any ideas?

Whoever writes the funniest caption will win a dope prize from our vault and see their name in Trash Talk next issue.

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  • http://slamonline.com/ niQ

    Bill: Wasn’t that the FUNNIEST JOKE?!
    Dwight: ha uh.. (looks away)

  • http://slamonline.com/ niQ

    Bill: Wasn’t that the FUNNIEST JOKE?!
    Dwight: ha uh.. (looks away)

  • Kendrick is God

    Dwight and Bill laugh uncontrolably at the joke that was the NBA dunk contest.

  • http://www.twitter.com/adam_greenbaum Adam

    You make how much money Dwight? Give me that damn watch!

  • Mr guevara

    heheee. boyyy stopp! i might be old but id whip that ass.

  • Sven

    Bill: this dunk contest was so poor even i could participat!
    Dwight: You wish grandpa!

  • Twinparadox

    Bill: So you don’t know how to keep your block in-bounds?! (Laughs)
    Dwight: (thinking, while cracking his knuckles) Old man, keep talking. Wait till I find a phone booth.

  • http://slamonline.com Brad Long

    Dwight:”Hey Shaq. Bill said they called him Superman before the comic book even came out! Beat that, Kazaam!

  • http://slamonline.com Brad Long

    Dwight:”Hey Shaq. Bill said they called him Superman before the comic book even came out! Beat that!

  • Twinparadox

    Bill: How does it feel to have a ring on all your fingers?
    Dwight: Great!!! (Disneyland smile)
    Bill: Now, I know you’re disappointed about last year…but you gotta give me my other ten rings back…now.

  • http://slamonline.com CHAN

    Bill: Let go of my rings, Dwight.

  • Twinparadox

    LOL @ Brad

  • william alford

    Dwight: No disrespect but Bill needs a dentist,barber,some breath mints, and really good lotion for those hands. But he is a funny dude so lets maintain and laugh in this direction.

  • Shrugz

    Bill: If you put on glasses you’ll complete you’re clark kent outfit!

  • Shrugz

    Bill: Hello there Mr. Kent. You know I’ve been wondering, why is it everytime Superman shows up you’re never here to see him?

  • Teddy-the-Bear


  • Teddy-the-Bear

    LOL @ CHAN.

  • http://www.hoopsvibe.com/features/overdribbling chiqo

    russell: did you see how the jumbotron caught rajon rondo staring at vanessa bryant’s cans?

    dwight: i’m sorry, what did you say? i was distracted by kobe’s wife’s chesticles.

  • http://staticseth.blogspot.com Seth

    Dwight demonstrates to Bill that dressing like a banana truly keeps a man young.

  • Daniel

    Bill: Gee Wiz! What kind of moisturizer do you use? Your hands are so soft
    (Dwight looks away uncomfortably)

  • Daniel

    Bill: I’m so happy the H1N1 scare is under control and we’re allowed to touch again!

  • http://117MaySt.,St.Peters,NSW,Australia Michael

    Bill: hahahaha, I can’t feel a single ring on your fingers.

  • JayChau

    Wanna know something funny? You still don’t have a post game!

  • Ball For Life

    NBA: Where Jokes Happen

  • Ball For Life

    Bill:Keep the change and buy yo mamma something nice!!

  • Emil

    Dwight (Thinking): Just look away, crazy old man will walk away.

    Bill (Saying): Boy, back in ma day we played the bounce-bounce-shoot game with a brick and a shopping cart. You don’t know how it’s really played.

  • http://www.another48minutes.com Gerard Himself

    Dwight: Hi Greg.

  • Joe A

    “Alright Dwight, if you’re such a great defender, Defend that travesty of an outfit you’re wearing.”

    I think Gerard Himself got this.

  • Ali Saadat

    Bill: Nate’s that short and he beat you?
    D12: At least I can dunk.

  • Ken

    Greg Oden: I can’t believe the Blazers picked me instead of Durant! What suckers!
    Dwight: I know! What idiots!

  • Trout

    Russell: Dwight i wanna pass the torch but you don’t even have a ring yet.
    Dwight: Oh that’s okay my watch is worth more than all eleven of yours anyway.

  • http://834East192ndStreet Mickey

    Bill Russell: The lakers got to you so much you decided to wear everything yellow?

  • Courtney

    Bill: Wow that dunk by Gerald Wallace should’ve got a 50
    Dwight: Ha! yeah okay

  • Bryce Henderson

    Russell: “For every free throw you make in a game, I’ll give you one of my championship rings”

    Howard: “How about I just trade you my watch instead”

  • Daniel

    Dwight: Careful Greg, you might injure your leg again.

  • Lz – Cphfinest3

    Bill: ‘Such small hands, and they call you Superman? Hahahahaahaha…’
    Dwight: ‘….hehe…’ (looking away, chuckling forcedly, pretending everything is cool, and wondering about the side-effects of his steroid-diet)

  • http://www.snewty.com Daunte

    Bill:Dont show them hands unless you got some rings on em
    Dwight:Thats what we on Bill (laughs)

  • Karon

    BILL: Hey Dwight.

    DWIGHT: Yeah

    BILL: Wanna where one of my rings, I don’t have eleven fingers.

  • Karon

    BILL: So Dwight.
    Dwight: Yeah.
    BILL: Where are your rings?

  • http://www.kwapt.blogspot.com KobeWearsAPurpleThong

    Bill: “Ha haaa! That is sooo cool! PLEASE make the fart noise w/your hands one more time!”

    DHo: “Come on, we supposed to be talking about how I’m gonna be more of the serious leader type!”

    Bill: “I know, I know..but here comes Heather Cox-let’s make everyone think she farted!!”

    DHo: “You a fool Bill man…!”

  • Karon

    Bill : Hey Dwight where are your rings?

  • Karon

    BILL: Hey Dwight you look classy.
    Dwight: Yeah I heard the lakers where gone sign me

  • Karon

    Bill: Hey Dwight you look classy
    DWIGHT: Yeah I heard the Lakers where gone sign me

  • NBA kid

    Both: Haha! Paul Pierce thinks he can win the 3-point shootout?
    (Later): Huh, shows what we know about outside shots.

  • Jordan

    Bill: Oh Dwight, you are really growing up right before my very eyes.
    Dwight: Thank you Mr. Russell but I will always be a ManChild.

  • Jordan

    Bill: Oh Dwight, you are really growing up right before my very eyes.
    Dwight: Thank you Mr. Russell but I will always be a ManChild.

  • http://www.linkedin.com Phil Spradley

    Dwight:..ah man, you a wild dude Mr. Bill…you gotta warn me before you let one of them go…

    Bill Russell: ..ctfu…that wasn’t me, son, LOLOLOL..that was not me..

  • http://nbc04.wordpress.com/ Nick

    Bill Russell: Get it??
    Dwight Howard: haha…nah, not really

  • Aaron Neal

    Bill: Here you go Dwight you can have one of my rings.
    Dwight: Thanks Mr. Russell. HA, look at Lebron tryin’ to get one from MJ.

  • Luke Strgar

    “This year I’m averaging 18.6pts, 13.2reb, and 2.8blks. Whatchu gotta say bout that?”-Dwight
    “haha good one, now lets have a look at these hands. Very soft but no rings. Interesting, very interesting.”

  • Luke Strgar

    “This year I’m averaging 18.6pts, 13.2reb, and 2.8blks. Whatchu gotta say bout that?”-Dwight
    “haha good one, now lets have a look at these hands. Very soft but no rings. Interesting, very interesting.”-bill

  • Rich H

    Bill: Cover that hand up! It looks naked without rings on it!

  • Luis

    Howard: This dunk contest is the worst one I’ve ever seen. Nate Robinson 3-time champ? It’s hilarious.
    Russel: Wanna know what’s even funnier? Last year he beat you.

  • Antonio Girling

    Bill: “And we danced the waltz when we scored a hoop back in our day. Come, son let me show you” Bill goes to grab Howard.
    Howard Laughs and trys to get away “is this guy for real!?” he laughs.

  • Gannon Rust

    Bill: So Dwight, tell me again how to block a shot? Do I pump my chest like this?

    Dwight: Uh…

  • Aaron Neal

    Bill: C’mon Dwight let me see how many rings you got.

  • Aaron Neal

    Bill: Can you believe Jay-Z, he thinks he is going to get Lebron in New Jersey.
    Dwight: I know, you have more rings than they have wins.

  • Mr. Cruzer

    Dwight: Nice ring

    Bill: Thanks, and uh…. nice watch. Ha Ha c’mon now were are you hiding your ring.

    Dwight: Ha Ha Ha. That’s SO funny. Hey um where’s your walker.

  • kevin smith

    Dwight to Russell ” Shaq just challenged me to a foot race”

  • Chinkerdinker

    Bill: I’ve got more rings than you’ve got post moves

  • Otto

    Bill: Come, I want to show you my special ring collections
    Dwight: Nah, maybe next time, I want to go home and watch SUPERMAN

  • Twinparadox

    Dwight: SO, um, Mr.Russell, how do you keep all those pesky little guards out of the paint?
    Bill: Hit them right around here when they come, and then publicly tell them it’s gonna happen everytime.

  • Twinparadox

    Dwight: Instead of this joke we call the slam dunk contest, me and shaq should have a free throw contest. Winner takes Superman.
    Bill: Please, please, let me be the judge!

  • Twinparadox

    Dwight: Instead of this joke we call the Slam Dunk Contest, they should have me and Shaq have a free throw contest. Winner takes Superman for the year.
    Bill: Please Please let me be judge!

  • the_baller20

    Dwight thinking: Man, when’s the last time Bill shaved???

  • jheremy gundran

    Bill:”I haven’t seen bad dunking since the sticker dunk! Do you remember who that was?
    Dwight:”uhhhhh……nope…don’t remember.”

  • http://aol.com Rj

    Priest: Bill do you take Dwight to be your lawfully wedded husband?
    Bill: I do.
    Preist: And do you, Dwight, take Bill to be your lawfully wedded husband?
    Dwight (leans in close to the priest and whispers):If i divorce him I get half his rings right?
    Priest: Well…yes I believe so
    Dwight (leans back and smiles): I do!

  • The Last Kings Fan

    Dwight, where’s your ring? Oh wait…

  • http://www.realultimatepower.net doyouwantmore

    Bill Walton and his anonymous partner on ‘Dancing with the Stars’.

  • Cody Murphy

    Dwight: You were pretty good back in the day Bill.
    Bill: Ya, 11 rings that alright.

  • http://619rockinghamnixamo65714 Kendall Tilley

    What! The Magic only gave you a watch.

  • Johnson Liu

    Howard: oh my god! the legend Bill Russell is shaking my hand!(excited and laughs)

    Bill: i wonder when is Dwight going to let go of my other hand? (pretends laugh along with Dwight)

  • chintao

    “Boy, gimme my Mr.-Rogers’-a$$-lookin’, old man sweater back. You look like a 7-foot Urkel.”

  • Andrew Utter

    Dwight: “Look, it’s Shaq workin on his freethrows!”

  • scott staude

    Hey dwight you see that, D-Wade is still hanging from the rim. You think I should tell him I put a fake spider on the ground?

  • Marty Rendon

    Bill to Dwight, “Say, let me give you some of MY magic …”

  • http://www.myspace.com/Fatboy_jon Jonathan Helmick

    Dwight: Bill if i played in your day i would swat your shot.

    Bill: Man your Funny.

  • Austin M

    Young fella, that watch is nice. But you gotta try to get cha one of these rings!!

  • http://marcusmag2@aol.com Marcus L

    Bill:What do you call the nba without yourself,Kobe,
    Lebron, Melo @Dwade. Dwight:WhatBill. Bill: The Dleague
    Dwight:hahaha or the no D league haha!

  • Daniel Segura

    Bill: So can I?
    Dwaight: No Bill you can’t borrow my magical toothbrush!

  • Daniel Segura

    Bill: So can I?
    Dwaight: No Bill you can’t borrow my magical toothbrush!

  • rodney edwards

    bill russel: hey young’n…you can’t win no championships wear’in dem tight swaeters..you look like a fake Ron Howard!happy days….dwight howard:aww… man… stay out my videos…fuzzy…

  • http://alecheilimo@hotmail.com Alec

    Bill: Now those are the hands of a shot blocker Dwight: Ahah, Akward.

  • http://www.thecomfortofyourseat.blogspot.com twahc

    Bill: Hey KG! You forgot to wear your championship ring! Ha…
    Howard: Ha… I am not KG… (I am SuperMan!)

  • JohnD

    “I’ll cover your fingers Dwight until you get at least one ring”.

  • Rob Gaeta

    Dwight: Look Bill Lebrons on TV telling everyones hes going to be in next years slam dunk contest.

    Bill: All these fools are going to buy their tickets early again.

  • Rashad Luckett

    Dwight: Hey Bill hows All Star Weekend going for you
    Bill: Mighty fine Superman, you’ve seemed to brighten it up with that shirt of yours
    (Both): LAUGH

  • http://CiCi_hoopstar Rashad Luckett

    Dwight: Hey Bill hows All Star Weekend going for you
    Bill: Mighty fine Superman, you’ve seemed to brighten it up with that shirt of yours
    Dwight and Bill : LAUGH

  • Richard Foster

    Bill:Nice Watch…Aint got nothin on this ring though
    (Both Laugh)(Dwight Stops)
    Dwight: Wanna Trade?

  • Christopher Thomas

    Bill-Nope Just Like I Thought Not a Ring LOL, Dwight- Awwwwwwww Grandpa why u play me like that Lol

  • Martin Torres

    Bill: The problem with you youngsters is that you have no GAME!

  • http://slamonline.com RayintheBay

    Bill: DAM, look at her right therr, she got it goin ON!!

    Dwight: Haha yea, thats my MOM man


  • Aviel Shirian

    Hey Dwight guess what?


    I’m the Real Superman!

  • http://kicksoncard.tumblr.com zack

    “Let Shannnon dunk?!? Are you kidding me?? HAHAHA

  • Ryan Hamilton

    Dwight:I wonder if he’d notice if i slipped that ring off his finger.
    Bill:I like you and all kid, but you aint K.G., dont even think about touchin my ring.

  • Andrew T.

    Bill: Awww, poor boy, aint fit to wear a ring yet. Tell you what, if you win the game tomorrow *sighs*…. I’LL GIVE YOU MY RING!

    Dwight: Really?!? *tears up like a baby* I never thought you cared about me like that, I only thought you talked to me cause.. *BILL SNEAKS IN SAYING…( see below)*

    Bill: SIKE!!!

    Dwight: Awww man! can’t even look at you. *Bill holds his hands and apologizes heartily along with a laugh*

  • Tyler Slocum

    Dwight: I bet you 10 bucks you could dunk and get a higher score than these “Pros”.

  • http://SLAMALLDAY Shai Evenhaim

    “You might be superman under that cute yellow cardigan but these rings are my kryptonite, get on my level.”

  • shannon

    Bill: Hey Dwight its been such a long time since i felt young firm skin,don’t mind me
    Dwight: Feels some type of way but turns away and smiles

  • http://twitter.com/rontaastic ron rivea

    Bill: yeah alright son, next time remember keep the ball in play
    Dwight: yeah uh-huh, alright (Just smile and nod)

  • C-Dubb

    As they both laugh, Bill to Dwight, “You might be Superman but keep your hand off the DAMN ring!”

  • Cody buttle

    Bill: ya know Dwight ever since Wilton Norman Chamberlain passed away I’ve been missin out on havin thanksgiving with another great bigman. So, how bout it? Ya wanna swing by my house next year and have thanksgiving with me?
    Dwight: ahh ya know, that sounds great and all bill , but I already promised coach Ewing I’d eat thanksgiving with him so uh yeaa *looks away uncomfortabley* hehe awk-waaaaard

  • CBreezy

    Bill: Now don’t forget Dwight, I could block a shot or two back in my day. And I could prolly get you every once in a while. (Laughs)

    Dwight: (Chuckles) Sure ol’ man. You see that hoop over there? I ain’t afraid to superman it on yo ass if you keep talkin’.

  • Coach_Adams

    Mr.Russell:I thought that it was the jolly green giant not the jolly blue giant. Guess thats the difference when you win a ring!

  • notorious_NG

    bill: excuse me young man,i’m searching my basketball, did you see it?
    Dwight: oh sorry, somebody wanted to pass to another and i tried to block it and threw it into the crowd
    bill:oh, look, you just hit Kobe hahahahaha, that’s what i call defenshe
    Dwight: oh no, there’s Ron
    Bill: ah, don’t worry, even my look is better than his, so i’ll diss him and show him how to write defenshe on his head

  • birdman3

    Bill Russell: “You know Dwight, Wilt got a lot of women wearing yellow.”

  • http://www.nba.com T.DOT

    Bill: Forget the ring, give me your watch little man.

  • ADM

    Bill: “You don’t mean a thing if you ain’t got that ring”

  • Amro Manaa

    Two great defenders Bill Russel and Dwight Howard laughing at carmelo Anthony’s attempt at playing defense

  • Amro Manaa

    Two great defenders Bill and Dwight laughing at Carmelo Anthony’s attempt to play defense

  • Amro Manaa

    Nice watch Dwight but i think my ring is more valuable

  • Amro Manaa

    Bill: Nice watch Dwight but i think my ring is more valuable

  • Amro Manaa

    Bill: Dwight you look like a ring-less banana

  • Mykah Horrell

    yo dwyane come give this dude a tic-tac

  • Mykah Horrell

    Dwight:Dwyane Comme Give This Dude A Tic-Tac

  • Jon “Bigg Chief” Nolan

    Bill Russell says ” So I says to guy ! 5 Bucks !! get outta here .”

  • http://85OliveSt.Grimsby.ON.CANL3M2C8 Jon Nolan Bigg Chief

    Bill says ” So I says to the guy , 5 bucks!! Get outta here ” they both laugh uncontrollably

  • Sebastian H

    Russell: Dwight how about i teach you the proper way to block and then maybe you’ll get on of these (shows ring)
    Dwight: How about you give me one right now you have do have 11. (grinning)
    Russell: Ya I could but i don’t think it would match with that … um… watch you have there….
    (both laugh)

  • http://hatschi1717@yahoo.com david k

    bill: haha, that guy just called you big bird dwight:you know what they say about big socks. big shoes!!

  • http://404EastcliffDriveWestunionSouthcarolina,29696 Zach R

    Bill: hey dwight did you know that i can still dunk, rebound, and block better than you and my playing days are way over!
    Dwight: wow pops has still got those old fasioned jokes, still cracks me up to this day!

  • maurice Beard

    Billy: man i feel young when i walk into the jewelry store i always have the most bling!!
    Dwight:…..yea i plan on gettin ring #1 in a couple months (walks away akwardly)

  • Timothy Pete Jr.

    Bill:haha now didn’t i tell you never to wear yellow?!
    Dwight:haha yea u right

  • Justin Hubbard

    Look Dwight, that guy has HOW-ARD written on his butt cheeks.

  • Jordan Divelbiss

    Bill: “Social Security paid for this suit”
    Dwight: “yeah…. I can tell”

  • William

    Bill: Here… from far away people will think that you’re wearing the championship ring.
    Dwight: Best All-Star weekend EVER!!!

  • James

    Bill: Hold up, hold up… SLAM READERS!? Were talking smack about YOU, DWIGHT HOWARD, about blocking shots in the how to issue?! AHA!
    Dwight: Yeahhh man, almost as funny as me dressing like Dwyane Wade circa ASG in Phoenix!

  • http://hatschi1717@yahoo.com david k

    bill: tickle,tickle,tickle!! hahaha! dwight: haha!!.. stop billy! not in public!

  • http://hatschi1717@yahoo.com david k

    bill:here’s twenty dollars and i’ll meet you in the bathroom in five minutes

  • http://hatschi1717@yahoo.com david k

    nba: where a reflection of you in twenty years happens

  • http://hatschi1717@yahoo.com david k

    bill:(touching his back) ohhh…yeah…you can post me up any day… hahaha! dwight:(laughing nervously) bill,what are you doing???…

  • Ron Turenne

    Hey Bill,look Shaqs wearing a yellow sweater just like mine.

  • amrit

    Bill: Is that Shaq!
    Dwight: Where!!!?

  • Walter Lynch

    Bill: Dwight, is it true what Charles said about you?
    Dwight: What?
    Bill: He said you like to work out…

  • Hans

    BR: (yes you can have it) don’t worry, i’ve got 10 more of those….
    DH: you sure nobody saw you slip it to me? i just wanted to see it….

  • http://slamonline.com/ Ryne Nelson

    Thanks for the participation, everyone. Check to see who won in SLAM 138 — on newsstands next week!