Saturday, June 5th, 2010 at 12:19 pm  |  24 responses

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SLAMonline Mock Draft: Patrick Patterson, No. 13

When it comes to running a NBA team, father knows best.

by Jeff Fox

High up in his penthouse office at the Air Canada Centre, Toronto Raptors GM Bryan Colangelo nursed an aching head. This was not the way things were supposed to go down in Toronto. After all, he was the golden-haired child, groomed to be a highly successful NBA executive. But now his team was in disarray. They missed the Playoffs. Franchise player Chris Bosh appeared ready to skip out of town as a free agent. Last season’s big acquisition, Hedo Turkoglu, had recently requested a trade. Colangelo had to get this fixed, and quick. He needed to make a splash with a wise selection at pick No. 13 in the NBA Draft, to take place in a couple of weeks.

In order to not further alienate any of his players of disrupt the team’s chemistry, he decided to consult some of the team’s key players in regards to who they think the Raptors should select in the upcoming Draft. His first call went to the team’s first round pick from last season, DeMar DeRozan.

“DeMar — it’s Bryan,” said the GM.

“Oh, Mr. Colangelo — you’re calling me to tell me I got traded to somewhere warm and sunny, right?” inquired DeMar. “Am I going (going) back (back) to Cali (Cali)?”

“No, DeMar, you didn’t get traded,” replied Colangelo. “I just wanted to get your opinion on who the team should select in this year’s Draft.”

“Oh, I got a great pick for us,” DeRozan answered excitedly. “He’s a real sleeper pick. No one is talking about him.”

“Great — who is it?” asked Colangelo.

“Romeo Miller. He played at USC with me. Great point guard,” answered DeMar.

“You mean Lil’ Romeo?! The dude who only got a scholarship to USC because he was friends with you?!” asked the GM incredulously. “I don’t think so, DeMar. Guys don’t get roster spots in the NBA based on who they hang with.”

“Fine, if not Romeo then you should at least give his dad, Percy, a look,” said DeMar.

“Ah, yes, Master P,” said Colangelo. “He already got some training camp invites a few years back. From the reports I heard, teams got annoyed at him because he kept trying to get people to say ‘uhh’. I think we’ll pass on him also. Thanks anyway, DeMar.”

Frustrated by the lack of help from DeRozan, Colangelo plugged on, placing a long distance call to Italy next.

“Ciao,” said the voice on the other end.

“Hi Andrea, it’s Bryan,” replied Colangelo. “I’m calling to ask your opinion on who we should take in the Draft this year.”

“Oh, Bryan, funny you should ask that, ” said Andrea Bargnani. “I was just thinking about that as I tended to my tomato garden. I think we should get Danilo Gallinari.”

“Gallinari was already drafted two years ago,” said Colangelo. “He’s property of the Knicks. Do you mean we should trade for him?”

“Si, we should trade for him,” said Bargnani. “Please, Bryan, please. Danilo, Marco and me, Andrea, will be unstoppable together. I’ve even got leather jackets with ‘Italian Stallions’ embroidered on it for us to wear out to Lobby nightclub”

“OK, I’ll look in to it Andrea but I don’t think that Knicks are looking to trade him,” said Colangelo. “And stay away from that club. We don’t need another Turkoglu on our hands.”

The next call also went to Europe, this time to Turkey.

“Ball?” said the voice with a Turkish accent on the other end of the line.

“Hedo? Is that you?” asked Colangelo.

“Ball,” replied Turkoglu.

“Ugh — not this again,” said Colangelo with frustration in his voice. “Hedo, who do you think we should take in this year’s Draft?”

“Ball,” replied Hedo.

“You think we should draft a ball?!” asked Colangelo. “You mean a player from Ball State? A player whose last name is Ball?”

“Ball,” said Turkoglu.

“Nevermind Hedo,” yelled Colangelo in to the phone. “You’re about as much help off the court as you were on it this year. Amazingly you seem to have no trouble saying more than ‘ball’ when you are requesting a trade. Bye Bye, Hedo.”

“Ball, ball,” said Hedo.

Colangelo nervously played with the phone cord as he placed his next call, this one to Texas.

“Howdy,” said the man on the other line of the phone.

“Chris? It’s me, Bryan,” said Colangelo, tentatively.

“Bryan?” said Chris Bosh. “I’m not sure I know you, partner.”

“Bryan Colangelo. The president and GM of the Raptors,” explained Colangelo.

“Hmm. Doesn’t ring a bell,” said Bosh. “Wait a minute — Raptors — that rings a bell. That’s the team I used to, I mean, I play for.”

“Right, the team you play for Chris,” said Colangelo. “The reason I’m calling is to ask you who you think we should draft this year. I want to make sure to build all the proper pieces of the team around you, because you are going to re-sign with us, right Chris?”

“I haven’t decided on who I’m signing with yet,” said Bosh. “But as for the Draft, I have a feeling you should probably draft a power forward. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have Pat Riley on the other line.”

“Riley!! Wait!! Chris!! You still there?!” Colangelo screamed in to the phone. But all he heard back was a dial tone.

Now fully distressed and defeated, Colangelo called the one person who he could lean on to get him out of his jam.

“Daddy… it’s Bryan,” sobbed the GM in to the phone. “I need your help, Daddy. The players are being mean to me and I don’t know who to draft this year and Hedo wants a trade and Chris is on the phone with Pat Riley and…”

“Whoa, hold on there my boy,” said Jerry Colangelo to his son. “Get a hold of yourself. Now, like I’ve told you in the past, I’m real busy running USA Basketball and you are a big boy now — you just turned 45, after all, so you need to start taking care of yourself. But I’ll help you out this last time. Here is what David Stern will announce when it is your turn to pick on draft night:

With the 13th pick in the 2010 SLAMonline Mock Draft, the Toronto Raptors select…

Patrick Patterson from the University of Kentucky.

“Patterson,” said the younger Colangelo. “He’s the guy who when he grows his hair and sideburns out looks like he starred in Shaft, right Daddy?”

“Right, Bryan,” said Daddy. “But you aren’t drafting him based on looks. You’ll be getting a steal if he lasts until pick no. 13. The man is a physical specimen — 6-9, 240 pounds, 7-1 wingspan. Strong, athletic, smart, great attitude. He can score inside with ease and also hit the face up J. And to top it off, he’s not a real great defender, so he’ll fit right in with the rest of the pylons your team suits ups every night.”

“He sounds perfect, Daddy,” replied Bryan. “Can I keep him? Please, Daddy, please?

“You sure can, my son,” said Bryan’s dad. “Patterson is a real hard worker. His game grew by leaps and bounds all three years he was in college. Plus this year he was willing to take a backseat to John Wall and the rest of the Wildcats’ heralded freshmen class yet he still had a very productive year. He’ll be able to take on a role playing position in the NBA if need be. Not that you have many players better than him anyway.”

“Great. By the way, what position does he play?” asked Bryan.

“That’s the best part, Bryan,” said Jerry. “He’s a power forward, so he should be able to start for you from Day 1.”

“Power forward?” asked Bryan. “But we already have Bosh playing power forward. You’re going to help me re-sign Bosh, right Daddy?”

“What’s that Bryan?” replied the dad. “I’m going through a tunnel and I can’t hear you.”

“I SAID YOU ARE GOING TO HELP ME RE-SIGN CHRIS,” yelled Bryan. “AND HELP ME SIGN DWYANE WADE AND LEBRON JAMES, RIGHT DADDY?!?!”

“Sorry, bad connection,” said Jerry. “I’ve gotta go — bye.”