Thursday, July 1st, 2010 at 2:54 pm  |  26 responses

For Real?

Has the Onion taken over?

by Alan Paul

So I spent the day immersed in a writing project and not paying any attention to the outside world. I came up for air and saw these two headlines on ESPN’s NBA page:

• Sources: Johnson likely to accept Hawks’ $119M
• Sources: Gooden to sign 5-year deal with Bucks
• Sources: Wolves, Milicic agree to $20M deal

And the first thing that flashed through my head was that the Onion had taken over. It is truly just mind-boggling. I am speechless.

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  • nicko

    can someone explain what this means haha

  • http://www.facebook.com/kevinwilson16 Kevin Wilson

    Drew Gooden can be traded a lot of times in five years.

  • LD

    When I first saw the Johnson deal I thought, “Take it now! Forget winning. Take the money!”

  • http://www.dimemag.com Anton

    Cool story bro.

  • http://slamonline.com Alan Paul

    Did the Wolves actually watch Darko play — or not play — last year?

  • http://www.bulls.com Enigmatic

    Seriously, the Hawks want to pay Joe Johnson about $20 million a season? Until he’s about 35 years old?!

  • http://www.clownpenis.com Tarzan Cooper

    Greatest piece ever on slamonline.

  • http://www.slamonline.com James the Balla

    I thought the exact same… again, Jan.1st, 2000. We were expecting the world to end… but all that happen was a lot of stores had no beef jerky left!!

  • http://www.slamonline.com Cub Buenning

    Somewhere Adonal Foyle and Jon Koncack are smiling…..

  • David

    The most amazing thing so far is that Richard Jefferson opted out of his contract.

  • matt

    So I usually hate unions based on principle, but these contracts have made me think twice about these new contract negotiations. If small market clubs like Minnesota, Milwaukee, and Memphis can do these things, NBA owners are ridiculous liars.

  • http://slamonline.com Alan Paul

    Exactly Cub. History keeps repeating itself…Teams tie themselves up with long term deals to non-essential or worse, worse players. Seems to me that Darko could not get any burn with the Knicks last year. This is really astounding.

    And David might be right about Jefferson. Or not… If Darko can get this after sucking for his whole career, then having a down year doesn’t seem all that bad.

  • ab_40

    one or two superstars will change teams the rest will stay put. Either Bosh, Stoudamire or Boozer. Stoudamire needs to come to cleveland with LeBron and put his money where his mouth is. Last season he said if they traded for him they’d get the chip. Show ‘n prove time kids.

  • http://www.clownpenis.com Tarzan Cooper

    Cosign matt. U cant claim poverty then give DARKO 20 mil!

  • rashado

    cosign ab_40

  • http://www.stonesthrow.com Michael NZ

    I cannot believe someone is going to offer Gooden a FIVE YEAR deal.
    What. The. F*ck.

  • The D Train

    Well, in Darko’s defense he does fit the tall-grossly-overpaid-white-guy mold set by the aforementioned Jon Koncack, Jim McIlvaine and Austin Croshere.

  • The D Train

    Also, is anyone legitimately surprised at these signings? It’s the same song and dance every year. In fact you could make a strong argument that the number of cats who are overpaid far outnumbers those who are underpaid and nary a fella would argue with you. We sit here and say that David Khan or Chris Wallace are terrible GM’s, but the fact is that they are just a couple more in a long line of GM’s who didn’t know their a$$ from a hole in the ground that deserved a maximum contract. Having said all of that, total insanity and lack of any sort of fiscal intelligence / responsibility is always shocking and funny…at least when it doesn’t affect your team.

  • Nick the Quick

    Darko simply said to David Khan,” Let me make you an offer you can’t refuse. If you don’t sign me today, the Nets are going to sign me and team me with a fellow superstar named James and we will win championships forever like Mike and Pip did.” What choice did poor David Khan have but to prematurely …

  • Cam Jones

    Y’all forget Rudy Gay got max money as a RFA. Instead of letting the market dictate the value and get him for cheaper (ala Josh Smith and the Hawks last year). They maxed out Rudy Gay. Really?!?

  • black mamba

    add a 5 yr./34 mil. contract for Amir Johnson.

  • black mamba

    add a 5 yr./34 mil. contract for Amir Johnson.

  • tg

    the onion is a satirical news website channel nicko :)

  • don

    i think gooden is trying to play for all the 30 teams.

  • spit hot fiyah

    richard jefferson opted out of his mind

  • http://slamonline.com Alan Paul

    The Amir Johnson one is unreal too but nothing can top Darko. There can be no more discussion about potential. He could not get off the bench for the KNICKS last year.

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