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Monday, August 9th, 2010 at 11:00 am  |  25 responses

Meet Shaquille O’Neal, AKA, ‘Tanya’

Shaq reveals to Vanity Fair how he catches bad guys on the web with his undercover police work:  “For the last seven years, I’ve been a detective for Internet crimes against children. So if you ever see me, you know we’ve got you. If we come to your house, it’s all over. You’re going to be arrested. You’ve been having Internet conversations with me, and we’ve got all the evidence we need to take you down.’ What’s your arrest catchphrase? ‘My catchphrase? Like a motto?’ What do you say when you’re roughing up a perp? ‘On the floor, dirtbag!’ ‘Book ‘em, Danno!’ That kind of thing. ‘Well, uh. (Long pause.) My job is to be a little girl.’ Come again? ‘I play a little girl on the Internet. So whatever name I’m going by, that will probably be my catchphrase. If I’m Tanya, then it’ll be something like, ‘Tanya says hello.’ And they’ll be like, ‘Tanya who?’ And I’ll say, ‘You don’t know no Tanya, huh? I’m Tanya. Let’s go.’ And that’s when the cuffs get slapped on you.’”

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  • http://www.slamonline.com/ niQ

    Something tells me no matter what name they choose for him there in Boston, everyone will just call him Tanya this season…

  • http://www.triplejunerthed.com/dacre Dacre

    Thats all i needed in my head: the image of shaquille o’neal with a blonde pigtails wig and an over sized lollipop.

  • WangChung

    F-ing awesome. Shaq, you da man. Forget this ‘Shaq vs.’ BS. I wanna see Shaq D-Bo a child predator on primetime TV>

  • neaorin

    The internet: Where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are FBI agents.

  • IAMORANGE4EVER

    Does Shaq still use hush money? Signed, Kobe

  • http://hoopistani.blogspot.com hoopistani

    The Big Tanya

  • downtownbrownclown

    the big aristotle now changed his nickname to the big girl… hahahaha! :)

  • http://staticseth.blogspot.com Seth

    “How my ass taste.”

  • Coney Islander

    Being slammed and arrested by a 7 foot 300lb officer has to suck!

  • http://slamonline.com Kap

    Isn’t that called collusion???

  • vtrobot

    A Shaquille version of To Catch a Predator would be the highest rated television ever. Shaq, reading back chat transcripts, Chris Hansen-style, would be all-time. Shaq will probably be president one day. Thanks for doing something that’s so worthwhile for our society, Officer Tanya. And welcome to Boston, big man.

  • funkdoc

    Lol@Seth. Now everything is much more clear. Maybe he was trying to arrest Kobe with that song. Imagine Kobe and Shaq chatting on the internet. Or should I say Kobe and Tanya?

  • http://www.kb24.com The Seed

    This to me is dumb, its funny how they allow this man to do police work, just because he has took some detective classes. To me its a waste of time for Shaq to do this. Just because he has alot of money they allow him to be a token for some things. He is attention crazy and his career sucks now and have for the last three years. Shaq needs to go on Basketball wives, if he really needs some enjoyment or excitement in his life. Or Shaq can pretend to be Medea’s grandmother in Tyler Perry’s new moive. “Tanya and the Police.” Shaq Fu or Kazaam needs to just play ball and shut up about being Tanya on the internet.

  • http://google c_cantrell

    haha haha haha

  • http://thosefishtacosarethetits.blogspot.com Th3_R3al_Chris

    Thanks Seed, because there is nothing more to life than basketball.

  • pennydunk_1

    He uses the non-mexican name Tanya, so Karl Malone can get away with it

  • Noel

    lol @ The Seed saying what Shaq needs to do and say

  • http://nicekicks.com meloman2.0

    seed is a kobe lover… obviously he hates this story

  • http://www.twitter.com/TheDiesel Anton

    You’d think he gives away his identity after a few “can you dig it”s.

  • AL

    shaq arrests R Kelly…

  • http://www.slamonline.com/ The Promise

    Apparently The Seed has been talking to Tanya and then caught in the sting.

  • ciroqobama

    The Seed’s comments make everyone dumber… I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

  • http://slamonline.com Dave.

    Wow, that was a funny article.
    This is the single best example ever of “the person you’re talking to online may not be who you think they are”.
    Ever.
    In history.

  • Yesse

    So, i guess Shaq arrested Kobe.

  • BostonBaller

    I’m cool w/ Shaq doing work w/ the police as long as he does it right and is a help. I hope he isn’t undercover during the season yet locks up the opposition.

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