Monday, April 25th, 2011 at 10:26 am  |  4 responses

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L.O.N. — We’ll Smack Your Mom

And then scream CRIZZLES!!!!

by Shannon Booher

Line Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 27 points, 15 assists, 13 boards, 2 steals

This was the output we thought we were gonna get in Game 3. Maybe it was “returning home” hangover or the Lakers’ focus, but Paul couldn’t put on his closer cape in that one, because the game was pretty much out of reach. Game 4 was a different story. Donning a GaGa-esque black bandage on his eye, the Hornets went back to a pick-and-roll emphasis, and we once again reveled in Heaven: CP3 dancing and destroying whatever Lakers big man covered him following the pick-and-roll switch. Oh so lovely.

Worst Of The Night:

Illadelph 76ers 86, Miami Heat 82 — Y’all let one get a way yesterday, Miami. Not only was your season-long crunch time weakness once again exposed, but your second round opponent, the Celtics, take care of business. Y’all needed to keep the pressure on them, getting them back on the court ASAP. Now you give the Playoff team that probably values rest the most, a little more of that, as well as additional preparation time and maybe even enough time to get Shaq back in the picture. Round 2 might be the virtual Eastern Conference Finals and maybe even the NBA Finals. Y’all let one slip.

Worst Of The Night Part II:

The New York Knicks First Round performance. We are not fully blaming them — the injuries were certainly out of there control — but overall, having the Knicks back in the Playoffs wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. They were swept, and even Melo’s inspired Game 2 performance was overshadowed by the team’s comedy of errors down the stretch. The crowd was even underwhelming in Game 4. Y’all gotta will them out of that shotting funk, Garden! If you are looking for a silver lining, at least they were the first Playoff team featured in Inside The NBA’s “Gone Fishin’” segment!

Hollywood Ending Of The Night:

Brandon Roy — 24 points, 5 assists, 4 boards

The scene was so beautiful. Fans going crazy. The former superstar turned soul-searching injured bench warmer all of a sudden once again finding his stride. He did not find it during practice following a standard rehab schedule. He did not find it a few games into his return, after shaking off the rust. He found it while swirling in maelstrom of desperation. Individual desperation and team desperation was in full effect. In the weeks, even days, even hours, prior, it looked like Roy had lost his game. Lost his aura. Another name on the too long list of stars failed by their bodies. Meanwhile his team, the bandwagon pick to pull off a first round upset, was about as close as you can get to falling behind 3-1 with a trip back to the other team’s gym on the horizon. Then he found it. He probably could not explain it if he tried, but there it was. The superstar game was back, resulting in 18 4th quarter points, a frenzied crowd, a Portland win and a tied series. This may have been a one night experience, but if you can close your eyes and let the credits roll, it is an unforgettable Playoff snapshot.

Jamal Crawford — A Love Affair Of The Night:

It was a cold Ann Arbor winter night. Or maybe a Sunday afternoon. Kevin Gaines, Josh Asselin and maybe even Peter Vignier had kept it close, but they needed a little help from this tall, hockey stick-thin kid with wide eyes and ever wider range. This guy not only lit you up with this crossover and J, but with his teenage smile. On a team overrun with talent mediocrity and coaching ineptitude, he stood out like the rose that grew from concrete. His name? Jamal Crawford. He came from overcast, rainy Seattle to overcast, snowy Ann Arbor with only a headband and a dream. He left with at least the eternal love of one fan, incepting memories that cannot be erased.

That day (or was it night?), he hit a game-winner. He probably crossed up some poor Big 10 defender en route. He definitely celebrated euphorically as ran to the opposite end of the court, hands in the air. Maybe he hit a few more game-winners. Maybe it just seems like that, but if you were there that night (or was it day?), a love affair was born.

He was gone too soon for us, probably too late for him. The students that showed him love represented a university that was sinking into a pit of basketball rubble that would take years to excavate. But if you were there, you did not forget. You carried him with you. The masses may have viewed him as a mere distraction to the 11-man and six-man teams deemed more important on campus, but sitting right there in the fifth row, only feet away from the magic he created, you knew the truth. From thousands of miles away, even when it appeared on the surface that maybe he had become lost in the abyss of lottery-bound NBA basketball, you knew the spark could not be completely extinguished.

That’s why we scream out J-Creezy, randomly, for no apparent reason. That’s why after hitting a Playoff game-winner Friday night, and leading the Hawks in scoring for another Playoff win Sunday shouts of “CRIZZLES!” rang throughout the L.O.N. offices. That’s why you can’t judge basketball by a boxscore alone, and why no two fans have quite the same opinion of any given player. Basketball is an art. A lot of guys have scored 25 this season. Several have hit game-winners. But none did it quite the same way J-Creezy did.

Explain It All Away Of The Night AKA (Valid?) Excuses Spurs Makes Of The Night:

Game 1 — One excuse, and one excuse only: Manu was hurt. Bottom line.

Game 3 — A Zach Randolph 3? Darrell Who? Marc Gasol shooting from where? The Spurs missed a quadrillion open shots, were uncharacteristically careless with the ball (um, that means you, Tony Parker), failed to even get a potential game-tying shot off on the final possession, and generally played with their head in a fog all night. All that said, the Grizz barely pulled it off. We got this.

Sounds reasonable. It has been one bad bounce after another for them, but at some point, the other team gets credit. Game 4 will go a long way to show us which way the scale will tip.

Fab 5ism Of The Night:

Chris Webber speaking on Phil Jackson’s post-game comments: “When I think of punk, I think of tall people letting little people do stuff to ‘em”

Real. Talk. The Lakers generally have a height advantage at every position against the Hornets. It is pretty sick and very frustrating. It almost seems unfair, but then they manage to lose the game. Height ain’t heart, we guess.

Did the League rig the Pacers into the Playoffs to add a little hot sauce in the form of drama, to the first round? Good lord they tried to give away that victory too… Usually championship teams don’t really have holes in their starting lineups. The prosecution presents to you Exhibit A: Keith Bogans… Has Ariza’s 3-point game regressed?… Same ol’ Nuggets… But, J.R. — we feel ya. THAT WAS A FOUL!!!… Exhibit B: Zydrunas Ilgauskas?… For the positive spin read above, but on the reals, that was a Dallas choke. Or should we say, another Dallas choke. We praised Dirk just a few days ago, but c’mon man. Get it done… We love that each member of the C’s Big 4 lead the team in scoring in one of their games against the Knicks… Exhibit C: Mike Bibby?… Gilbert tried to get on his Brandon Roy grind, but Stan Van ruined the final scene. Give Gil the ball for the tie!… Emeka Okafor has not quite mastered that “Throw The Ball As Hard As I Can Against The Backboard” shot… We can see Hornets fans pulling out their Willie Green (missed a key free throw and decided to go for the score instead of running clock, in the crunch time) and Marco Belinelli (really, stop shooting) Voodoo dolls now… That Eastern Conference #1 seed is looking more advantageous by the day. Is anybody threatened by either the Hawks or the Magic?…

CRIZZLES!!!!!