L.O.N. — A Rose is Classy
A Kobe is whiny.
by Shannon Booher
It took 11 nights, but we finally had a “bad” night of the Playoffs. Three games, three blowouts. Enough drama unfolded to keep things interesting, though.
Line Of The Night:
Derrick Rose — 25 points, 6 assists, 2 boards, 2 steals, 2 blocks
M-V-P! M-V-P! M-V-P! It wasn’t the ankle injury from the previous game that slowed down Rose and the Bulls in this one, it was foul trouble. Rose went out early in the third with his fourth foul, and Indiana started to get it in. Tom Thibodeau quickly put his entire offense back in the game, and it was on. Donkey Kong. Derrick Rose assist. Derrick Rose three. DERRICK ROSE BLOCK!!!! Derrick Rose three. Derrick Rose foul shot. Derrick Rose three. Game time. Series over. On to the next.
Worst Of The Night:
Darren Collison — 7 points, 5 assists, 3 boards
Collison started off this series balling, needing no time to get acclimated to these Playoffs. It was almost enough to lead his team to a Game 1 upset. Almost. He looked to continue this breakout performance in Game 2, but was injured after falling on a camerman under the basket. He was never the same. Maybe it was the injury, maybe the defensive-minded Bulls figured out an anti-Collison elixir, but either way, the rest of the series he was a shadow of the guy who was everywhere for the Pacers in Game 1.
Contraction Club Of The Night:
Guess they really wanted to close this thing out at home, instead of on the road. But guess what? There are no guarantees, and you just let a team that bombs threes get loose from outside and you gave Dwight Howard a virtual night off. Momentum just swung hard in Orlando’s direction.
Eat Your Breakfast Of The Night:
Wah, wah, wah. I’m Kobe Bryant and my ankle hurts. Wah, wah, wah. Not really, but I desperately need the attention. Wah, wah, wah. Eat your breakfast, Emeka. Wah, wah, wah. Plays like that alone would get me the attention, but I need more. Wah, wah, wah.
NBA-Tinged Lyrics Of The Night:
“But I’m Bynum and Gasol, this is all my lane/Your little Calderon raps too small to hang,” Shad, “Give You All I Can”
Switch Calderon with Okafor, and you have a literal description of what went down last night. The Lakers dominated the offensive boards and second chance points, which they really should do every game against this Hornets squad. As usual, a motivated Lakers team is a winning Lakers team.
Playoff Beards Of The Night:
What is going on Orlando? Are they the first group to grow groomed Playoff beards? Are they not united on the movement? Is it purely a coincidence and it is simply a bunch of guys with facial hair? Is it all a big prank on JJ Redick and Earl Clark? The people want answers.
Objection, your honor! Please disallow Exhibit A. Sustained!… Think the Spurs are hoping for an Orlando-like performance in Game 5? They have similar role players who have not done much and would love to get rolling… Malik Allen alert… It pains us to say it, and hopefully this is buried well enough that no one actually reads it, but we love Dahntay Jones’ mentality and wish more guys played the game like him… No doubt the Bulls are seriously considering keeping Joakim Noah’s grandfather on-call to show up for important games. Noah had next level energy last night… Looks like we can all agree that, while a very, very good player, Danny Granger is officially not an “impose my will” guy… The Bulls’ series victory over the Pacers means one thing: The Jersey Neckline Gods have ruled: classic beats that wishbone garbage… QUEENSBRIDGE!!!! Ron Artest won the J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award for his work raising awareness of mental health issues. Representing lovely… Carlos Boozer injured his toe during last night’s game. It is unknown if it will cost him any time… FREE TJ FORD!!!