L.O.N. — CP33
Can we award the entire weekend?
by Shannon Booher
Line Of The Night:
Chris Paul — 33 points, 14 assists, 7 boards, 4 steals
He played Pau Gasol and the entire Lakers D like a fiddle down the stretch. One largely overlooked aspect of the recent “clutch” debate is that Paul is underrated in regards to clutch play. He showed just how good he is in that phase of the game on Sunday, in a major way. Kobe didn’t get a chance to add to his side of the argument one way or the other, as the Lakers were essentially already out of it in the final minutes. However, he did show reason #4080 why he should not take those ridiculous double-teamed hero fadeaway jumpshots — he might get injured by the crowd (Yeah, we know he made it. Irrelevant. #resultsainteverything).
Line Of The Night Honorable Mention:
Derrick Rose — 39 points, 6 assists, 6 boards, 3 blocks, 1 steal
Right when it seemed like the Pacers were almost young, dumb and just not giving a whut enough to pull this thing out, they showed that they were too young, too dumb and too not giving a whut. They scored 1 point in the last 3-and-a-half minutes, and Rose brought that thang home. Slow down son, you’re killin’ ‘em!
Worst Of The Night:
ESPN/ABC’s Playoffs music intro — We are not linking too it because we like our readers. A Led Zeppelin cover band? Nicole Scherzinger? Huh? C’mon ABC/ESPN. There are more MC’s than dollars in the US deficit spitting NBA lyrics in their bars, and ya’ll still have not embraced Hip-Hop? Disgraceful.
Near Ice Cube AKA Near Triple-Double Of The Night:
Rajon Rondo — 10 points, 9 assists, 9 boards
Nice line, but we want is more of Ray Allen’s mom. Ray Allen’s mom introduced with the starting lineups. Cuts to Ray Allen’s mom after every one of his 3′s. Ray Allen’s mom interviews at the end of every quarter. Ray Allen’s mom interviewing HERSELF at the end of every quarter. RAY. ALLEN’S. MOM!!!!!!
Near Beast Of The Night:
Dwight Howard — 46 points, 19 boards, 1 block, 1 assist
Gooooood lawd! As good as he was, that is how bad his teammates (not named Jameer Nelson) were, on offense. And these aren’t playoff newbies. We are talking Hedo. Jason Richardson. Gilbert Arenas. The list goes on. Those guys won’t be as bad next game, but Howard probably won’t be as good, either. The Hawks have at least established that they are not going out like they did last year. No brooms here.
Near Beast Of The Night II:
Marcus Camby — 18 boards, 5 assists, 4 points, 2 blocks
Everybody’s upset pick ended up being one of the few series that held form during the opening weekend, despite Camby doing his thing.
Eat Your Breakfast Of The Night:
Allow me to re-introduce myself, my name is STAT/
I used to dunk oops Steve Nash threw me/
I guess even back then you could call me/
Top chef of the breakfast club, STAT!/
Straight out of N-Y into the playoff fire/
I be the, Knicks #1 breakfast supplier/
Greasier than the plate of breakfast on my tray/
I got the smallest Boston O’Neal yelling my name/
That’s right, STAT/
Not D-O-C, but similar to them letters, no one can do it better/
I serve eggs and bacon like a struggling actress/
My homey ‘Melo told J-O, dude EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!
So that’s what you’re gonna do/
Take it back to Grover get his approval/
Fast forward to clean plate removal/
Let me tell you what I do to C’s old as pops/
Dunk on you cats like dunk contest props.
Injuries Of The Night:
Manu Ginobili, non-shooting elbow — This is the big one. With the Spurs now down 0-1 to the Grizzlies, they need to get it done now. He was begging to play Sunday, so we are betting he is out there next game as the Spurs try to even this one up. The Spurs had Game 1 almost in the bag, got good looks, but did not knock them down. Manu might change that up a taste.
Chauncey Billups, strained knee — The Knicks battled the C’s to the end in Game 1, but if Chauncey can’t play going forward? Lights out.
Arron Afflalo, hamstring — The Nuggets struggled mightily in end of the game situations, and Afflalo was a guy that was starting to show signs of clutchness during the regular season. He could have a huge impact on their series against OKC if he can get out there on the court. Raymond Felton has the mentality of a clutch dude, just not quite the skill level required.
Shaq O’Neal, calf — Does it matter? He had to eat his breakfast, but Jermaine O’Neal definitely came up big for the C’s in Game 1. There is no team with a center match-up requiring Shaq’s services until a potential Finals matchup, so there is really no rush here. Stop talking about his return as if it’s the key to end of the face tattoo scourge.
Aaron Gray, ankle — That was a nasty freeze frame. Chris Paul named him his MVP of the Hornets’ Game 1 upset of the Lake Show, and he provides much needed size against the Lakers’ huge frontline. If Pau Gasol keeps playing like he did, though, they probably don’t need him. But don’t count on that.
Story Checks Out (Word To Huff & Stapes) Of The Night:
Carlos Boozer? M.I.A. in the Playoffs.
Jarrett Jack? Playoff baller.
Denver? No go-to scorer in the clutch. And it cost them Game 1.
Andre Iguodala missed a Near Triple-Double because he only managed 4 points? That’s Jason Kidd type stuff right there… Doc’s clipboard X’s and O’s? Game tight… Everywhere you look there is a dang dookie on the court, this off-season. Danny Green, stand up… Not sure how informative or useful it is, but give us more of Kenny Smith standing in front of that life-size telestrator, becoming part of the replay… Monty Williams tie off, and it’s on to the next… Has Roy Hibbert shown enough to get Hakeem’s cellphone number for a little summer workout session action?… Honorable mention Eat Your Breakfast goes to Nene on Ibaka. Ibaka had sent back to me many other orders throughout the game to get on him to hard, though… Best believe the L.O.N. offices will have the Tyler Hansbrough steal/dunk “Champion Of The World!!!” celebration looped on the office big screen once we can get our hands on video that does it justice. This is all we have so far… Hey, Frank Vogel — TIMEOUT!!!!… Hey, Nic Batum — PASS THE BALL!!!!… Hey, refs — STOP CALLING SO MANY FOULS!!!…
The NBA. It’s Fan-tastic.