2011-12 NBA Predictions
The Fanalysts spin their predictions for ’11-12.
by Phife Dawg & The Gambler
The Fanalysts, Phife Dawg and The Gambler, are sleeping better now that the NBA season is back and SLAM Mag can re-assume its rightful place in this universe. The Fanalysts have come up with a list of predictions for this shortened, frenzied NBA season:
PHIFE DAWG’S PREDICTIONS
1. Chris Paul and Kevin Durant will go neck and neck for the MVP and Western Conference Finals, with Durant and OKC winning the West. But CP3 wins the MVP! (Barring injury and if the Lakers don’t get Dwight Howard.)
2. Mitch Kupchak loses his job as GM of the “Lake Show.”
3. Nate McMillan or his old coach George Karl wins Coach of the Year.
4. The Knicks frontcourt of Stat, Melo and Tyson Chandler will all make the Eastern All-Star squad in place of the Boston’s Big Three of KG, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen. Still, the Celtics will be a force in the East.
5. East wins the All-Star game to improve its all-time series lead to 37-24.
6. Jimmer Fredette will be the king of Sacramento. His will become the Tim Tebow of the NBA!
7. Kyrie Irving and Kemba Walker will be Co-Rookies of the Year. But keep ya eye on the Knicks’ Iman Shumpert.
EASTERN CONF. FINALS: Chicago Bulls vs Miami Heat (Heat in 6)
WESTERN CONF. FINALS: L.A. Clippers vs OKC Thunder (Thunder in 7)
NBA FINALS: Thunder vs Heat (Heat in 6)
All barring injury!
GAMBLER’S 5 FAR-FETCHED PREDICTIONS
1. Lamar Odom demands a mid-season trade to NY or NJ as the Mavs struggle to get into the Playoff race. Odom says he has to start thinking about his post-basketball career and Dallas is not a place Khloe feels their careers can thrive. Khloe was filmed complaining to SLAM Editor and confidant, Ben Osborne, that “this whole trade has destroyed the Kardashian brand.”
2. Meta World Peace changes his name back to Ron Artest at the suggestion of President Barak Obama, who feels Artest has lost the tenacity that made him one of the game’s best defenders.
3. Troy Murphy, Josh McRoberts and Steve Blake capture the hearts of America and get nicknamed los tres tigres blancos (the three white tigers), as they play crucial roles in a Lakers’ late-season resurgence. White boys across America stop rapping and start playing basketball again.
4. Brandon Roy becomes the first recipient of a groundbreaking experimental reconstructive procedure invented by a doctor in Thailand. The procedure makes his knee five times stronger than it was. Instead of returning to the NBA, Roy makes The 2012 US Olympic long jump team, smashes the 20-year-old world record of 8.95 meters (29.4 feet) set by Mike Powell of the United States in 1991.
5. In an attempt to revive his broken image, Nets baller Kris Humphries marries Australian-born WNBA player Erin Phillips and becomes the first male cast member of Basketball Wives. Humphries, who is still getting off-the-court career advice from ex-wife Kim, hopes to gain enough sympathy to stop the reign of boos that eventually became a distraction and forced the Nets to release him, despite averaging 15 and 10.