Thursday, April 26th, 2012 at 3:55 pm  |  14 responses

Andray Blatche is Throwing a ‘Grand Finale’ Party Tonight

Naturally, Andray Blatche will be throwing a bash tonight to, we suppose, celebrate the season from hell that he and the Washington Wizards have just gone through. Awesome. DC Sports Bog ruefully explains: “Twelve months in the life of Andray Blatche: 1) Host Lapdance Tuesday in the first week of May, 2011. 2) Hold offseason workouts that none of the team’s stars attend, and pass out ‘Play Off Starts Here!’ t-shirts. 3) When the season finally begins, tell your teammates that you’re ‘ready to die for this.’ 4) Home opener: ‘How y’all doing? This is your captain, Andray Blatche.’ 5) Get booed for like 12 straight weeks. 6) Record perhaps the NBA’s first-ever stat line of ‘NWT-Conditioning.’ 7) Start going to the gym at 3:30 a.m. 8] Tell reporters that your weight-loss strategies include cutting your hair. 9) Miss 20 straight games for conditioning work. 10) Host a ‘Grand Finale’ party on the night of the Wizards’ final game, 51 weeks after Lapdance Tuesday.”

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  • http://www.twitter.com/_dfrance dfrance21

    In all fairness to Andray, promoters slap celebs photos on fliers to draw crowds all the time. That doesn’t mean that this is something he is officially endorsing. If he didn’t post it himself, I’d be skeptical.

  • http://dillanleuyahoo.com Holy Baller

    This may be my favorite SLAM article in months.

  • Heals

    @dfrance, I think the fact he isn’t officially endorsing it only pushes the unintentional comedy to another level. The higher-ups have dismissed him from team activities and requested he get in much better shape, yet there he is on a flyer for party to send off what had been a comically bad (until McGee, Young trade and Dre got the door) season after a game he can’t even play in. Your 2012 Washington Wizards people, please remember them as fondly as I will…

  • http://slamonline.com nbk

    He’s Andray Blatche. I fully 100% believe everything reported about that guy. Who else would have the audacity to throw a celebration for the end of a season you weren’t even allowed to play half of because you are fat and lazy? Only guy I can think of is Andray Blatche. This must be true.

  • AsadSaleh3

    Must be tough when the second worst team in the league doesn’t want you around.

  • Ovie

    Damn, D.C. loves the rooftop bar.

  • http://www.yahoo.com berkamore

    “Tell reporters that your weight loss strategies include cutting your hair.” I think I’m a fan of that kid. LOL.

  • jake

    I remember when scouts called him too skinny to compete….now he parties in the Eddy Curry club

  • Matt Park


  • http://www.slamonline.com spit hot fiyah

    best write up in a looong time here on Slam, major lol

  • vtrobot

    Perfect. Will Lamar and Khole be there?

  • Techie

    LMAO…. Now you wonder why Washington can’t have a winning season.. IDIOT.NET. Andray Blatche.

  • http://www.twitter.com/hurstysyd Hursty

    This is tremendous.

  • Rainman

    what in the hell is wrong with this guy…lol

    and LOL @ the article. good stuff