Once again, it’s time for SLAMonline’s hottest new weekly feature, wherein Lang and Sam try to guess what this week’s cover of Entertainment Weekly will be…
AIM IM with Sam Rubenstein
2:06 PM
Lang Whitaker: hey

Sam Rubenstein: Hello

Lang Whitaker: Aiight, let’s do this. Khalid and Susan were already trying to lobby me with their choices.

Sam Rubenstein: I think there are two pretty obvious guesses.

Sam Rubenstein: Here are mine. 1. Nic Cage and Oliver Stone for the 9/11 movie

Lang Whitaker: Wait, can I give you my one guess that I feel good about?

Sam Rubenstein: Yeah, go ahead.

Lang Whitaker: Will Ferrell. I’ve felt solid on this all week.

Sam Rubenstein: Ooooh… that’s a good one. Ricky Bobby!

Lang Whitaker: I don’t think they’ll do 9/11 because it’s on Newsweek this week, and they won’t want to share the cover with them. What’s your other guess?

Sam Rubenstein: This is overkill by now, but I say Mel Gibson’s mugshot, like how Sports Illustrated put Kobe’s mugshot on the cover.

Lang Whitaker: I thought about that briefly but they rarely tackle social issues like that. And I saw People magazine in the Vegas airport this morning and they had Mel Gibson’s mugshot on there.

Sam Rubenstein: They must have a Passion of the Christ cover, so maybe this could be like a “How far Mel has fallen” thing.

Sam Rubenstein: They sort of did that with Tom Cruise

Lang Whitaker: It’s a good idea, and it would break them out of the rut of doing a movie cover every week

Sam Rubenstein: I still think it’s going to be Oliver Stone and Nicolas Cage.

Lang Whitaker: Ferrell is my choice. While I go look it up, did you read all of last week’s issue? That Snakes story was pretty interesting.

Sam Rubenstein: Yeah, it was more about how Samuel Jackson’s celebrity is what got the movie made than the actual S.O.A.P. phenomenon.

Sam Rubenstein: And I like reading about Samuel Jackson

Lang Whitaker: hey, who doesnt?

Lang Whitaker: OK, I just checked it out and this is ridiculous. We were both wrong again.

Sam Rubenstein: Is it like the late summer/early fall TV preview?

Lang Whitaker: No, not a lame-o preview issue.

Lang Whitaker: it’s a movie.

Sam: Is it S-Jo and Woody Allen for Scoop?

Sam: (and Hugh Jackman?)

Lang Whitaker: No. (that’s what Susan pitched me. Khalid went with Robin Williams and said he’s got a “lot of buzz” for some new movie he’s coming out with.)

Lang Whitaker: Anyway…

Lang Whitaker: Are you ready for this?

Sam Rubenstein: Tell me. I have no idea what Khalid is talking about.

Lang Whitaker: Are you sitting down?

Sam: Yup.

Lang Whitaker: Here’s what it says on their website under Cover Story:

Lang Whitaker: Why everyone’s buzzing about ”Little Miss Sunshine” — With its unique brand of pageantry, the 2006 Sundance sensation is poised to cut through the August doldrums like a yellow VW bus through the desert.

Sam Rubenstein: Whaaaaaaa? That’s the movie with “The next Dakota Fanning”, right?

Lang Whitaker: I don’t know. I’m really angry right now.

Sam Rubenstein: Well, that sure isn’t a 9/11 movie cover.

Lang Whitaker: I guess they decided they were selling too many copies of their magazine and they wanted to become less popular.

Sam Rubenstein: I don’t get this one at all.

Lang Whitaker: You know anything about this movie?

Sam Rubenstein: I remember reading about how at Sundance there was the new young girl actress who was going to be a star.

Sam Rubenstein: I think that’s what this is. Pageantry?

Sam Rubenstein: And wouldn’t a yellow bus be hard to see in the desert?

Lang Whitaker: I hate child actors. I saw War of the Worlds the other day and all Dakota Fanning did for 90 minutes was scream over and over.

Lang Whitaker: Very disappointing move by EW.

Sam Rubenstein: Very disappointing. I wanted to Oliver Stone to tell me the “truth” about 9/11.

2:25 PM
Lang Whitaker: I wanted Ricky Bobby. They turned down box office gold!

Sam Rubenstein: I would have preferred Ricky Bobby to this… maybe the comedy mafia/frat pack were offended by that little zinger that they put in last week’s issue.

Lang Whitaker: What would the SLAM equvalent be? If Dwyane Wade gave us an exclusive interview on the eve of the new season and instead we put a kid on the cover who had one good week at ABCD Camp?

Sam Rubenstein: Maybe if Allen Iverson and Kobe both scored 100 in the same game and we put like, someone random like Delonte West on there saying he had a great practice the other day.

Lang Whitaker: I really am furious. I’m not going to buy EW this week in protest. Haters.

Sam Rubenstein: I have a subscription. I might not even pick it up and just let it sit there.

Lang Whitaker: If this was a yellow bus, it’s a short bus.

Sam: Yeah. This movie shouldn’t even make the “out” of the Shaw Report.