By Jake Appleman

I was hanging out with some old friends playing ball in my old high school gym the other night. Two of my friends had just gotten back from the shore and they recounted a disturbing tale. Considering the source, I’m going to have to say this could be slightly fabricated. Anyway, they were at this bar and who else do they see but Jason “the Greater” Collins. Yeah, star-striking, I know. Anyway, too shaken to move, my friends just decided to watch the big tree in his element. According to their report, Collins set an illegal screen on an old lady trying to get to the bartender to order a brew and ended up ordering a Smirnoff Ice. Again, this is just alleged, but I hope that Rod Thorn is reading. Unfortunatley, this scene pales in horrific comparison to the nausea I will feel if Alonzo “kidney bean” Mourning ends up guarding Tim Thomas in the NBA finals. (Reaches for paper bag to cover mouth…)