Caron Butler’s Straw-Chewing: Banned

by February 25, 2010

The NBA: Where Tackling Completely Unimportant Issues Happens: “The NFL is cracking down on human-growth hormones. Major League Baseball has had enough of steroids. And the NBA? A investigation (seriously) reveals that the NBA is committed to curing basketball of oral fixations … and therefore Caron Butler – who suddenly is unavailable to go tonight against the Lakers due to a negative reaction to a medication – is going to have to perform without his weird addiction of chewing plastic straws. Yes, I’m serious! The immediate issue, of course, is Caron’s absence for tonight. Without him, the Mavs will have to scramble to find matchup advantages against the West-leading Lakers. But the far-reaching issue is the plastic-straw controversy. ‘They say it’s against the rules,’ Mavs owner Mark Cuban told just moments ago. ‘That’s all I know.'”