Friday comedy time!

by October 12, 2007

By Sam Rubenstein

Hello! Lots of great basketball work on the site this week. Lang in Hawaii, the season previews, Russ‘s flashback Q&As, Matt Caputo‘s been putting in work, Ryan’s OJ Mayo Q&A, I built a shelf storage thing for the SLAM Dome, I’m sure I’m forgetting things but it has been a long week. I’m sure it will all be covered in the forthcoming newsletter (other than the storage shelf building). Ryan was out of his office the past few days, because he’s been reassigned to the position of Joe Paterno’s personal driver. The old man needs it. Before I leave, I’d like to provide you all with 3 amusing anecdotes/jokes as we head towards our weekends.


I received the following email last week from a Quizno’s employee:

Dear Customer,

Unfortunately you did win the Toasty Sub lottery for free lunch for your office. However, you will be receiving a dining certificate by mail including our new updated menu. You may use this dining certificate for your next order of our mouth watering sandwiches, soups or salads. In case of an event, you can give us a phone call or email and we will quickly customize orders according to your requirements. For your convenience I am also attaching our new menus with this email. Discounts may also apply to large orders. Please feel free to call me with any questions you may have. We look forward to serving you with many toasted subs! Thank you for your business.

Wait, so it’s unfortunate to win a contest?

Then came the next email a few minutes later.

Dear Customer,

There is a mistake in the typing of the email that I sent to you before. I meant to say that you unfortunately did not win the Toasty Sub Lottery. I am extremely sorry for the confusion and inconvenience. However you will still be receiving Dining Certificates by mail.

Thanks. For NOTHING! But my revenge is reminding people of THIS. Don’t you ever tease me with free sandwiches ever again.


So, I heard the new Jay-Z song, Roc Boys. He has the phrase “Black Bar Mitzvahs” in there. Also he pronounces “L’chaim” very, very, oh so very wrong. I feel like an Italian hearing a non-Italian say “fuhgeddaboutit.”


People have had fun with the story of Stephen Jackson‘s ascent to NBA team captaincy and the weird font errors it creates. I know the last thing you’re supposed to when writing about pro athletes is to compare yourself as an athlete, but I have a personal parallel. Right now I am the captain of my weekend football team. I am a worse choice for a captain than Whoooo! if you can believe it. I’ve got no time for things like “huddles.” I just go deep every play, and yes I’m 7-11 open 24 hours. If the ball comes, boom touchdown, not bragging that’s just reality. If I don’t get the ball, I sulk and run at half speed. I’m like Randy Moss pre-this year. So anyways, I think that my team is secretly plotting to overthrow my captaincy. There’s a new guy who’s real aggressive. Now I’m getting paranoid.

Have a great weekend everyone! I’m going to see Eastern Promises, because I like over the top violence. Viggo! Viggo! Viggo!