by Ben Collins
– Some exclusive Celtics news to lead off the Game Notes: SLAM friend Dana Barros is about to be named the C’s Director of Player Development. He’ll be there to “help the young guys get their legs both on and off the court.” He’s probably going to have a heavy hand in the development of Rajon Rondo, for all those wondering.
– Pre-game tape for the Celtics: a Nike Carmelo highlight video. There will be no Melo turnaround dunks in the lane tonight. They’ve seen it. They have the videotape, damnit.
– Doc about his Dad, who passed over the weekend: “I leaned on him a ton last year because I needed it.” This is the first time he addresses that he had any bit of a hard time last year emotionally, so it’s interesting that it would come out this way.
– More: “He was a great storyteller — read three or four books a day. And he had great conviction. He always said, ‘you can go through life on your knees, or you can go through life on your feet.’ He decided to go through life on his feet.” The storytelling thing is genetic. Can you imagine this guy in a pregame speech in a Game 7? Stirring.
– George Karl must be wearing Sex Panther because he has a pungent allure. People love this dude! Five or six reporters are around him when I arrive by the time I’m finished with dinner. He’s a sexy man, that George Karl. A very sexy man.
– They’re booing Elliot Yamin. Seriously, don’t we have more important people to worry about? He’s not, like, Roseanne or anything.
– Camby gets some rousing cheers, which is moderately surprising to everyone because no one in Boston likes UMass-Amherst. No one.
– Dana Barros is here. If I get bored, this is who we’re talking to, so watch out for that.
– There’s a problem with the press table in front of us. Somebody put their laptop down and the entire thing fell over like Anderson Varejao in the weak end of a wave pool. And, hilariously, this might slow tipoff.
– KG and Posey do this long, almost grinding-at-a-prom-like embrace. I don’t know where either of them got the idea that this is acceptable.
– The Denver starting lineup is enormous. Melo, Kleiza, Camby and Martin are all over 6’8”. The Celtics will push the ball.
– Rajon steal. And lay-in.
– Perk with a huge block. Then Allen to a KG dunk on the other end. This is one of those plays that you know will make it on Sportscenter because they don’t even have to cut the tape. Lazy ass interns!
– THEN a KG to Pierce on a pretty backcut. This team is like NBA Jam on Easy.
– Rajon steal. And lay-in. Yes, I copy and pasted that.
– AI does this weird ball-snatch from the ref, which seemed to scare me, but not the official. If I was that ref, I would’ve given him a T. After I bought a new pair of pants.
– K-Mart does have his ups back. He goes to the rim, double pumps and lays it in. Scary. I know AI isn’t the same distributor that Kidd is/was, but he’ll still get his 12 a game off of putbacks alone. Anything else is gravy.
– Retraction: Shouldn’t mention gravy with Linas Kleiza on the court.
– Each starting Celtic has an assist 5 minutes into the game. The Celtics have 21 points six minutes into this game. 21-13.
– Melo is so tough with that pull-up ever since last year. He’s always set when he shoots it, too. A wizened scoring champ, he is. 21-15.
– KG-to-Pierce-behind-the-back-to-Perkins. Pretty pretty pretty. 23-15.
– Dana, after a House foul puts the second Boston point guard in foul trouble: “I’m gonna have to go put my (stuff) on, man! No pay!”
– J.R. Smith comes in and the Nuggets are suddenly fine on defensive matchups. Hahaha, just kidding.
– Marcus Camby from a step inside the three-point line. His range extends two more feet, he lasts two more years in the league.
– The Celtics have 36 through their first 10:30 minutes and are shooting 71%. 38-22.
– Head out to press room to grab some coffee (Must… get… funnier…) and something sounds like clydesdales in the hallway. It’s cheerleaders, clicking their heels in unison. Close enough?
– House for three. We’re apparently just going to disregard the fact that he carries the ball every time he touches it. This is cool with me.
– The Denver offense is like waiting for a doctor’s appointment. It has to happen, you wait around forever as someone with a lot more money than you examines the situation and then he just throws your ball away after about 20 seconds. I have a very bad doctor, by the way.
– YOUK! is in the house. Is he wearing his Gold Glove over his face? Oh, that’s his face? Oh.
– Nerdy Kicks guy in me pouring out: the team-issue Denver adidas colorway makes me happy inside.
– Refs T up Najera. Racist!
– Celtics are 74% from the field and just doubled up the Nuggets on a Tony Allen two. 50-25.
– I guess that previous sentence means that Tony Allen is still on this team. News to me!
– Dana, again funnier than me tonight: “They better cut this out or else they’re gonna say they’re running up the score like the Patriots.” Couldn’t have said it better myself.
– Difference in the game: Denver has zero points on seven Boston turnovers; Boston has 12 points on 9 Denver turnovers. That and that whole all-around ass-whooping thing.
– It’s free assist night at the Garden: The Celtics have 15 assists in 18 minutes. Four from KG.
– Rondo steal to KG alley-oop. I have to stop OHing. I’m gonna get kicked out of here.
– Heckler wants K-Mart to “Tell us the joke” that he’s laughing at. I think the joke is that he’s making $60 mill. over seven years. Free money, suckaz!
– Posey is hurt with lower-back spasms. “Unlikely to return.” In a thirty-point game!? You don’t say!
– Dueling injuries! Nene sprained his thumb; will not return. Based on size of body part alone, Posey wins. Jeez, the Celtics win everything these days.
– Rondo nails a jumper with his foot on the line, 61-31 Celtics. may just be good from the corner. He hasn’t missed one of those this season yet. He’s like Bruce Bowen, but he doesn’t make me want to breath fire and hate humanity.
– Eduardo Najera pull-up three literally shuts down the scoring monitor. I’m not even making this up.
– He just took another three. Lot of swine flying around this arena lately, huh?
– Every sociological study in the world right now should be judged off of who the crowd roots for in the timeout toddler races.
– Ray Allen 3 and 67-37 and this is starting to look like that time we bombed Kosovo.
– Pierce makes his first free throw, misses his second and gets a tap-back for a three. A Van Gogh of four-point plays. 74-37.
– 77-38 after a House 3 to end the half. Doubled up in the worst way. Pierce and KG yell their way to the locker room. Sweet God this team is good.
– Girls jumping on trampolines! Wait, it’s dudes. Nevermind. Going to get more coffee.
– Lines that you must have a looksie at: Pierce is 8/9 for 20 points at the half. KG has 14, 10, 5 and 3 steals already. Eddie House has 11 because he’ll do that sometimes. The Celtics are still shooting 72%. Allen Iverson has 13 on 4/8 shooting. No other Nugget has more than six and they just generally suck.
– I guess you could blame a 20-point loss tonight on a letdown from that Knicks comeback last night — I mean, Denver did get outhustled by Stephon and Jamal Crawford last night, so it’s more than a little demoralizing – but this is just embarrassing. This team isn’t that bad, is it? They have two future Hall of Famers and three borderline All Stars. But it doesn’t always work that way, does it? I’m talking to you, Washington Redskins teams 2002 to present.
– Elliot Yamin has the tiniest posse I’ve ever seen. He’s either impersonating a valley girl when I walk by him or he and all his friends all talk like valley girls. Somehow, the latter would surprise me less.
– Back-to-back Denver jumpers. 77-42. Comeback, baby!
– Linas Kleiza three with a hand in this face. He’s sorry, he pressed the wrong button. A is pass, B is shoot. He’s got it now, thanks.
– Typical Nuggets possession just occurred: Melo waits four seconds, shoots a contested jumper from two feet in front of the three-point line. Flow!
– K-Mart is acting weird. He’s smiling the whole game and yelling at everything and it’s a 38-point game. It’s not showboaty, it’s just weird at this point. I don’t really understand it. Has he always been this way?
– Allen drains a three and the Celtics still have a press on with the starting lineup still in. And now I can say it and mean it because it’s a Nuggets game: DON’T GO IN THE PAINT! 88-48.
– Garnett steals a rebound from Pierce and they laugh it off. Oh we’re all having such a good time! Paul, would you like some ice cream? Here, Paul, have some ice cream! Oh, we’re such a happy little family.
– Pierce to KG on an absolutely ludicrous, makes-Gerald-Green-green hammer dunk. Sweet lord.
– Pierce to KG for a dunk again. Can a brother get a bench player? 93-54 with 3:26 left in the third and every starter is still in.
– Oh-so-quietly, Ray Allen has 18 points on 67% shooting.
– 99-64 after back-to-back AI threes. NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER SURRENDER!
– Von Wafer is in and Doc isn’t even looking down the bench.
– Von Wafer end-to-end for a dunk. Doc Rivers is a genius.
– Rajon Rondo lets the ball roll to half-court to preserve the clock in a 35-point game, prompting an audible “WTF?” from the press section.
– Ray Allen iso ends in – what else — a made jumper. 103-66 to end the third.
– The C’s are shooting 71.7 percent to start the quarter.
– In fear of boredom/Big Baby-induced suicide, I’m watching the end of the Raptors-Magic game on League Pass Broadband. This may be the nerdiest thing I have ever done in my life. And this is coming from a kid who is known in the SLAM offices for knowing HTML.
– Hedo Turkoglu just threw an alley-oop pass to no one with 1:30 left in a seven-point game. Sweet God.
– Wait, Ray Allen and KG are still in. It’s 105-66. This situation + Eddie Najera = Horrible ACL disaster injury to Allen and/or KG.
– They’re booing Scalabrine for committing a 24-second violation in a 40-point game. The Unabomber gets a better reception in a public lobby with a pack of dynamite on and the fuse lit than this guy does for holding the basketball.
– Tony Allen’s kneebrace looks like something a kid with polio would wear in the ‘50s.
– KG and Ray are finally gone with nine minutes left in the 4th. 105-73.
– Scalabrine drains a three, prompting an arena-wide “Scal-a-brine” chant. This, in turn, prompts another Scalabrine three, which he airballs. I wish I could bet on that sort of thing.
– I’m bored and Dana Barros has left. This would be the point in the game where I’d check to see what’s on the Discovery Channel, but, alas, this is real life (overrated!), so I’m checking out today’s entry to Sam’s favorite website! No, wait, his other one.
– Pats linebacker Mike Vrabel (who is on the cover of SI, by the way) leaving prompts a Scalabrine-esque arena-wide chant.
– Restless to the point of mental instability, the crowd is randomly yelling Youk. Who is no longer in the building.
– Hey, I haven’t looked at the score in a while. 110-82! Great!
– Hey, I haven’t looked up how many fingers Gerald Green has in a while. Still 9 1/2? Great!
– This quarter has dipped the Celtics shooting-percentage to an abysmal 64.8%. Blow ‘em up!
– There are a lot of people staying here for this free Elliot Yamin concert.
– Steven Hunter must be pumped that he got traded into a situation where he gets sporadic garbage minutes for a sub-.500 team that’s slowly losing its marbles.
– J.R. Smith with a skywalker dunk worth 32 points with 40 seconds left. THE NUGGETS WIN!
– Just kidding. Celtics win 119-92.
– KG & Paul in the press conference room is becoming the standard here. Ray Allen is probably very jealous and making subtle-yet-horrible changes to their lockers as we speak.
– KG is a regular Steve Martin. Question (paraphrasing): “Were you impressed by your own score at halftime?” Answer (not paraphrasing: “When you write a good column, are you amazed by your column?” There are might be people in this room who say yes, but I totally get what he’s saying.
– Pierce: “We’re just scratching the surface.” Yeah, Atlanta, 80-point lead on Friday. You and me. In the parking lot.
– KG about Denver: “We know this team can put up 150 points if they want to.” You mean in, like, three games?
– Feel bad for my friend Alan who is trying to interview Tony Allen about the team not blowing its proverbial trade load on AI last year and Tony gives him the ol’, “no disrespect, man, but I won’t talk about last year.” Well, uh, talk about last year, man. No disrespect, but can’t you handle it like Doc did and call it a harrowing experience instead of a time in history that didn’t exist?
– “No disrespect, that’s just how I am.” Now I can’t get that Ratatat song out of my head. This will be a fun train ride home.
– George Karl is no longer so ginger. Sex Panther apparently wears off.