Slamadamonth, SLAM #58: Baron Davis

by August 05, 2013

Originally published in SLAM 58

The pitch was pure genius, and with the “reality show” bubble exploding like an overstressed wad of Hubba Bubba and NBA attendance numbers uglier than Bubba Sparxxx, it simply had to work. Take an NBA team—a terrible one—and fortify them with “The Best Player in History” (played by Michael Jordan). Then televise all of their games. Let the world watch as “The Best Player in History” and “The No. 1 Draft Pick” (played by Kwame Brown) lead the misfit bunch to the Magical Land of the Playoffs.

But that’s not how it worked out. “The No. 1 Draft Pick” fell into a cameo role, supplanted by “The Skinny Guy with Tats and Cornrows” (played by Rip Hamilton), along with “The White Guy Who Went to Private School But Still Has Stubble So He Looks Street” (played by Christian Laettner) and “The Disgruntled Youth” (perfectly played by Emmy-nominee Courtney Alexander).

And even with that, it was immediately evident that the guest appearances would make or break the show. Even before the famous “The Rookie Point Guard” episode aired (Thanksgiving Day), there was “Bounce to This.” If you didn’t see it, this was when “The Stocky Bearded Point Guard With A History of Knee Trouble” (played by Baron “B-Diddy” Davis) outstripped the entire crowd on the break, including the No-Limit Sponsored, Cornrowed Swingman form Vegas (played by Tyrone Nesby) and dunked all over about three guys. Made Nesby say “Uuuuugggghhhh!” in fact. Like I said, pure genius.

Stay tuned.

Russ Bengston