By Ryan Jones
It’s no wonder Etan Thomas hates Brendan Haywood. What a big, soft dummy Brendan Haywood is. Not just cheap-shots, but ill-timed cheap shots that actually hurt his team’s cause? Dummy. He seems to think he’s either going to intimidate LeBron (and what in LeBron’s history makes that seem likely?) or he’s just out to actual disable him. Which isn’t cool.
Dummy.
It’s no wonder everyone hates Reggie Miller. Marv Albert’s a legend, so of course you expect him to sound better than Reggie. But when he seems to know more about what it’s like to have actually played the game than Reggie — as he did when he had to explain to Reggie that, while hard playoff fouls are all fine and good, brainless, two-handed shoves of players who are suspended in mid-air should, in fact, be punished with ejection — it’s extra, extra crazy. Would Reggie have thought Dummy Haywood’s foul was “playoff regular” if he’d been on the receiving end? And can someone tell Reggie that we all know he sucks, so he doesn’t feel compelled to remind us anymore?
LeBron. Don’t you hate it when you cut your elbow on the backboard? I know I do.
Boobie.
Boobies!
Picking a favorite DeShawn Stevenson moment is difficult, and it’s tempting to go with the obvious: “Hey, I just made a three-point basket. Let me now share with the viewing public just how proud I am of having made this basket by playfully blowing on my fingers, as if to imply my shooting touch is so “hot,” my fingers actually have a fever. Plus, I’ll backpedal and look stern while I do it. Did I mention my team is losing by 16 points?”
Yes, it’s tough to pass that one up.
But me, I’m gonna go with DeShawn’s “Dancing with the Stars” audition tape. You know, the fourth quarter waltz sh*t he did when he was trying to draw a charge on LeBron 30 feet from the basket? He’s a graceful guy, that DeShawn… AND he sucks. I’m taking my kid to see the circus this weekend, and I fully expect one of the clowns to be wearing a #2 Wizards jersey.
Speaking of Wizards jerseys: Those black and gold joints aren’t that new anymore, but I don’t believe I’ve ever made a point of commenting on them. If I may? Fugly.
The Celtics must really be worried about Washington now.
