Chocolate Thunder Interviewed

by Marcel Mutoni

These days, a guy like Gilbert Arenas says he has “phenomenal swag”, and the Internets lose their minds. People act as if it’s the most outlandish thing an athlete has ever said. What most people fail to realize is that there was a time (long before the web, blogs, and pull up game-winning threes from 35 feet out) when Arenas’ words would have been largely ignored by the masses. This was during the period when Darryl Dawkins AKA Chocolate Thunder was king of all that is quotable, and became perhaps the most colorful personality in sports history.

Today Chocolate celebrates his 50th birthday, and to mark the occasion, No Mas re-ran an interview they did with him for No Mas issue of Frank 151.

Let’s take a look at some of the highlights:

-On whether or not he’s still the Chairman of Interplanetary Funkmanship: “I’m actually president now… It’s more about how people have to treat ME, you know what I’m saying? Not what I myself have to DO.”

-Aside from Dawkins, who are the other inhabitants of Planet Lovetron (a world he made up during his playing days): “World B. Free. Artis Gilmore. And lots of beautiful women. That was my whole thing, taking the ladies out there. That’s why, when I go there, I travel in an invisible transporter, so everybody can see all the fine women I travel with. I like to show them off, you know. Back in the day, Lola Folana was often to be seen in my spaceship.”

-The only thing that can destroy Chocolate Thunder: “White lightning. In very large quantities. Superman, people from Krypton, they all get destroyed by Kryptonite! I mean, that doesn’t make any sense. See, I’m Chocolate Thunder, but I don’t get destroyed by chocolate. I like chocolate.”

-Thunder on his relationship with Superman: “Oh yeah. All us superheroes know each other. It’s very casual. I’m like hey, what’s up Supe? And he says, yo Choc. And Devil… you know, Daredevil, I see him around a lot. We don’t really hang, but we’re cool.”

-On the toughest villain to play ball against: “No no no no NO, Darth [Vader] is a VERY bad dude. Here’s the thing when you’re playing ball with Darth… you gotta be careful. Cause he gets worked up, and the next thing you know, you go to block his shot and he just slice your whole hand off, like that.”

Anybody know if Free Chocolate is taken yet?

(Link: Interview)