Dime Drop: Summer of George

by April 26, 2011

Originally published in SLAM 148

by Maurice Bobb / @reesereport

At the 2011 NBA BBVA All-Star Celebrity Game in Los Angeles, currently svelte Jenny Craig spokesman Jason Alexander was an afterthought compared to pop sensation Justin Bieber, who took home the MVP hardware for his efforts. Costanza might’ve made the Tiger Beat poster boy lick toxic envelopes for hogging all the glory, but the actor did the opposite, congratulating Biebs and relishing in the fact that all of the women in attendance, including Rick Fox’s scorching hot girlfriend, Eliza Dushku, “wanted him for his fantastic new body.” We caught up with the erstwhile latex salesman from Vandelay Industries to talk about the Knicks, Bieber and how he’d have rained threes on Scottie Pippen if he’d been allowed to suit up.

SLAM: You were an assistant coach for this year’s Celeb Game. Why weren’t you playing?

Jason Alexander: I’m waiting to be called on to the court right now [laughs]. No, I didn’t play because I didn’t want to embarrass Scottie Pippen. I own the three-point jumper. He’s got nothing on me. I am wearing a uniform under my outfit, only because I heard the cheerleaders were more likely to pull a player into the back room and I wanted to be ready to make that move if need be.

SLAM: OK, would George Costanza play?

JA: George would have no place here. First of all, this is not his sport. Baseball is George’s sport. He’ll always be a Yankee [laughs]. This coaching thing is fun. We had an extensive one-and-a-half minute speech before the game. Bill Walton won’t stop asking for my advice. I’ve never seen such an insecure guy. But what I wanna know is where the fuck is Jack Nicholson? Isn’t this his town? I was expecting him to be courtside.

SLAM: What are your thoughts on Justin Bieber’s basketball skills?

JA: Bieber’s a chucker. I’m going back to my Seinfeld references. He’s a chucker. He’s throwing up a lot of “Hope to God” chucks. But I gotta tell ya, the little son of a gun has some moves, huh? He’s fast, he can shoot and I think he’s a little bit of a surprise to everybody. And US Secretary of Education Arne Duncan? I’m very impressed with him. He can play.

SLAM: Well, he was co-captain of the basketball team at Harvard and plays ball with President Obama on the regular.

JA: I did not know that. Wow.

SLAM: You grew up in New York. Were you a big Knicks fan?

JA: I’ll tell you what’s interesting: My uncle used to direct television for the Mets, Knicks and Ranger games, and I was an avid fan as a kid. I was at all the games back in the ’70s when it was all about Willis Reed, Earl Monroe and those guys. I burned out on it, though. By the time I went to college, I was like “I don’t wanna see any of it anymore.” So I haven’t followed a team and I haven’t followed a sport. I’m so out of it now. I don’t know who’s who anymore.

SLAM: Well, I’m sure you’re aware the Knicks are back now that they have some big-time players again.

JA: You know what? New York is a great sports town and all you gotta do is give us a handful of good players and the energy of the town sweeps through the team. I actually haven’t been to a Knick game live since MJ was playing, how about that? But if the Knicks are exciting again like they were with Reed and The Pearl, I may have to finally get out to one again.