Gilbert Arenas: ‘No Such Thing As Shark Attacks’

by Marcel Mutoni

Gil’s latest blog post is outstanding. As always, the entry defies logic and explanation, so I’m just going to quote him word for word:

There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack. I know you’re making a weird face as you’re reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.

We’re humans. We live on land.

Sharks live in water.

So if you’re swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that’s called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack. A shark attack is if you’re chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that’s a shark attack. Now, if you’re chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.

When I see on the news where it’s like, “There have been 10 shark attacks,” I’m like, “Hey, for real?! They’re just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don’t live underwater.”

Riiiight. Whatever you say, Gil. Just don’t ever stop being entertaining. And crazy.

In the same post, Arenas drops some wisdom on how tough home life can be for NBA players:

When you’re dealing with a wife, a girlfriend, a fiancée, your biggest problems are going to be the simplest problems. You’re going to be on the road for six-seven days a week sometimes and you’re eating room service, you’re eating out every night while she’s on the other hand staying home, eating home cooking. So when you come into town, she’s going to want to go out, go to the movies, go hang out, go eat dinner and you’re going to want to stay home. That’s where you guys will clash.

So, he’s wise AND completely nuts. Love it.

(Thanks to the good folks at for hooking SLAM Online up with a link.)