Links: New NBA Ads! (Well, New Fake Ones)

by April 23, 2008

by Lang Whitaker

Hopefully by now you’ve seen the NBA’s new advertising campaign launched for the Playoffs. In this series of ads, the faces of two players are spliced together as the players recite a short speech about their love for the game, the importance of the postseason, etc. The NBA calls the ads, “There Can Be Only One.”

I like the ads. Even though I’ve seen them about 100 times by now, they’re very well done and, to a casual viewer, they’re visually stunning.

My only problem with the ads is that they only feature guys who are actually in the Playoffs. Wouldn’t they be more fun if they were all-inclusive? So, as a service to the NBA, I thought I’d write up a few prospective ads as they would appear if filmed right now…

Mike Conley/Greg Oden
What did you say, that I shouldn’t have gone pro early? That if I stayed in school, I could’ve participated in March Madness and had the college experience? That I wouldn’t have spent the entire year sitting on the bench in the NBA? Is that what you said? Sorry, I didn’t hear you. I was too busy spending the millions of dollars I made this year instead of getting pimped by the NCAA.

Zach Randolph/Ron Artest
You know me. I’m a star, baby, a superstar. I can do it all, too — score, rebound, defend, whatever the coach asks of me. People have said that I have problems, that I can’t accept authority, that I don’t know how to play team basketball. Those people are idiots. My posse hates people like that.

Devin Harris/Shawn Marion
Remember me? I used to play in the Western Conference, where men are men and the teams are good. Then I was traded East, asked to play on a terrible team that didn’t make the Playoffs. Now my old team is in the postseason, and they sure do miss me. But screw them. I’m going to Jamaica for a vacation.

Drew Gooden/Larry Hughes
Since I was a kid, I dreamed of being the best. Then I met the best, and his name is LeBron. And let me tell you, LeBron is incredible. I used to play with him. The only problem is that my former GM, Danny Ferry, doesn’t really know what he’s doing and he traded me to Chicago in the middle of the season. Now, instead of playing alongside LeBron, I’ve got to deal with an interim coach and a bunch of crazy younger guys who are all too short.

Robert Swift/Shaun Livingston
Back in high school, I was a pretty good basketball player. In fact, I was so good I didn’t even need to go to college — I went straight from high school to the NBA. That was a dream come true. But you know what hasn’t been so much fun? Suffering every stupid injury in the world since I came to the NBA. Yeah, that really sucks. Don’t tell anyone, but sometimes I wish I was back in high school. LOL!

Stephen Jackson/Baron Davis
Hey, you want to do me a favor? Get that damn camera out of my face before I smack a bi…