Post Up: Merry Christmas!

by Anton Kudriavtsev/@TheDiesel

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even Jerry Krause.
The banners were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Sternbot soon would be there.

The players were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of max contracts danced in their heads.
Free agents and those wanting a trade
Begin dreaming of possibilities made.

When out on the court there arose such a clatter,
They sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to half court they flew like a flash,
Tore open the floor to discover ‘Toine’s old stash.

They opened the box and like angels did sing
Money, some notes, and Artest’s pawned ring.
When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, is that Bill Laimbeer?

The sled did shake and the players stepped back
They knew in a moment it must be St. Shaq!
More rapid than Rose escaping his SAT’s
He whistled, and shouted, and called them with glee!

“Now Amar’e! Now, Dirk! Now, Durant and Dwight!
On, Bron! On, Kobe! Don’t invite Chris Bosh and we’ll be alright.
To the top of the key! Quick like John Wall!
For we have much presents to deliver to all!”

For Rondo, as smooth as he is with the rock
For his form, I give him a brand new Shotloc.
Give Delonte the right number to dial
For KG, the blood of his enemies in a vial.

To Oden some thick pads for his knees
For Durant a protein shake – lift, brother please!
As Melo receives his double air miles
Tim Duncan opens his present with no smiles.

For Paul Pierce the full series of “Matlock”
For Jennings an upside down frown for when he’s blocked.
Blake Griffin, I deliver a new pogo stick
To mock your opponents, thine dunks be so sick!

For Joakim a new conditioner for the hair
For LeBron a hologram, to pretend a ring’s there.
Forget you Kobe? Never the gall
To you I give the best present of all:
Shock collars for all your teammates, no waste
Don’t pass you the ball? How do 120 volts taste?

We say “Merry Christmas” to one and to all
Except Turkoglu, to whom we simply say “ball”!


In case you’re noggin out on the eggnog, don’t forget about today’s 5 games (all times EST): Bulls/Knicks at noon, Celtics/Magic at 2:30, Lakers/Heat at 5:00, Nuggets/Thunder at 8:00, and Blazers/Warriors at 10:30.

Merry Christmas to everyone in the SLAM family!