Quotemonger: The End of Regular

by April 17, 2008

By Bethlehem Shoals

Jim Boylan on his dismissal:

“It was full of all kinds of experiences; some good, some not so good. But sitting in the head coach’s seat was comfortable and enjoyable.”

Translation: Yes, the chair was the best part of coaching the Chicago Bulls. The bottled water was a close second. Now I plan to go coach in Iraq, as long as the deodorant is free.

Durant on his career-high:

“My grandmother (Barbara Williams) came to the game. And she rarely comes. So every time she comes to the game, I feel like I’ve got to do something special because she rarely gets to see me play.”

Translation: Could I be any more clear about how low morale is on this team? I’m an angel who will do anything to make Grandma Barb smile, but also, I just needed something to get me out of bed that morning. Other than Wilcox calling to say he’s got leftover pizza.

DeShawn Stevenson, taking a break from LeBron to go at Barkley:

“Are we really going to listen to a guy who said Yao Ming would not be an all-star in this league? I mean, really. So who cares what he has to say?”

Translation: Don’t try and tell me about Napoleon or Hitler. This is the twenty-first century.

Baron Davis on opting out:

“The bottom line is, if they want me to be here long-term, and it’s mutually agreed upon and it’s the best deal for both sides, then there’s no reason to talk about (opting out).”

Translation: Have you guys really never written about NBA contract negotiations before?

Jeff Van Gundy on the Bucks’ future

“Right now, you have to ask yourself, if you are in Milwaukee, do we have a good enough best player to lead us from this abyss we have been in for awhile into an upper echelon 50-win type team?”

Translation: No, this serious. You do not want to f*ck around in presence of an abyss. Trust me, I spend a lot of time gazing into my soul.

LeBron on playing the Wizards, again:

“I wanted to play someone else, but if we have to play somebody, I’m glad it’s Washington.”

Translation: I was actually hoping for an even sweeter deal than last year, when I got to coast all the way to the Finals in exchange for that one, career-defining game. Stern and me had a handshake while San Antonio was dancing in their championship confetti.

Darius Miles, speaking a few years ago on how he’s changed:

“When I got here, they made this a business. They took the fun out of it. They really made me miserable. I had fun with the Clippers. I had fun in Cleveland. Imagine if your boss took the joy out of (your work).”

Translation: I came into this league to dunk, sell jerseys, get in Nike ads, and make millions of people happy. They robbed me of my innocence.

An anonymous Knick, on why they need a coaching change:

“Everyone’s lost.”

Translation: Wilson Chandler locked himself in the supply closet with a bucket of rubber cement.

LaLa, in her statement to the media following Melo’s DUI:

“I will always have his back and never refused to pick him up from the police station.”

Translation: He is the love of my life and the father of my child, which is why I’ll always let him pick out the cereal.