Stop Hanging out With Murderers, Larry Bird Tells His Pacers

by February 29, 2008

by Marcel Mutoni

High-ranking NBA execs are expected to provide strong leadership and a clear vision for their franchises.

While most GM’s and team presidents spend their days worrying about contracts, revenue streams, and the minutiae of running a major corporate entity, Larry Bird must also concern himself with the criminal element that is seemingly always lurking around his players.

“We’ve got to get all the information, but we’ve got to be very clear on this: We don’t want our players hanging around with murderers,” Bird said. “It’s not a good sign for our young fans, it’s not a good sign for management, it’s not a good sign for the state of Indiana and everybody involved. We’ve got to get all the details, and we’ll do what’s appropriate.”

Expect to see the following on the 2009 Pacers’ media guide: We Don’t Hang Around Murderers Anymore. Promise!

Other suggestions for the Pacers courtesy of Larry Legend*:

-“We’d really prefer if you didn’t kill any hookers.”

-“Please don’t push any old people down the stairs. That would probably hurt ticket sales.”

-“Tax evasion. Yeah, not a good idea, gentlemen.”

(Feel free to pile on in the comments.)

*Not necessarily true.